Is it ever OK to fight back against a bully?

TWO wrongs never make a right, and when it comes to bullying, the old adage should remain true. Many times, bullying makes you feel the need to throw in a few punches or mean words to settle the score; however, Dr Patrece Charles-Freeman, executive director of the National Parenting Support Commission, says it’s best not to encourage your children to fight back as this could have serious repercussions.

“Your child may lose the fight and end up being the one seriously hurt, or the victim (your child) may become the bully. Bullying is wrong right across the board,” she said.

Instead, she said what parents ought to do is first take note of the fact that their child is being bullied and say something to the teacher in order to create protection for the child at school.

If that doesn’t work and the child is still being bullied, Dr Charles-Freeman said parents then need to look at whether the child is being verbally/emotionally abused, teased or ostracised, and work more at empowering the child so that he or she feels confident and secure in surviving on his or her own without being influenced by others.

“Peer pressure is real, and girls and boys will tease and ostracise your child on the playground, and the child then thinks no one likes him/her. So parents need to teach independence and empowerment. As it relates to a child being physically harmed, what a parent ought to do is help that child feel confident about himself and enrol him in a self-defence class — karate or taekwondo — in order to boost the child’s confidence in defending himself against bullies.”

Moreover, Dr Charles-Freeman said it is important to teach your children proper conflict resolution, as it is never a good thing to get into a confrontation.

“I would not encourage a child to fight, but I would encourage a child to defend himself if necessary. If a child is being continuously bullied it’s the school’s responsibility to protect that child and also the parents’ responsibility to take action.

“Speaking to the teacher and creating a safe environment for the child and ensuring and insisting that the school removes the bully, or speaking to the parents of the bully, is the right thing to do,” she said.

But she admitted that the aforementioned is the theoretical aspect of dealing with bullies, as in reality, oftentimes the school does nothing.

“This is when you now need to speak to the child or the parent of the child, because oftentimes bullying is the base from where children have been stabbed or killed in school. So you would need to speak to your child and find out what is going on in class,” she said. “If your child comes home dirty, has a torn uniform, items are missing, money is missing, the child comes home extra hungry because he/she is not eating lunch, then it is time to intervene, because you don’t want it to reach a point where your child takes a weapon to school thinking he needs to defend himself, or gets so frustrated or emotionally damaged that he becomes the bully, goes to school and creates havoc and targets the individuals who mistreated him. Help them deal with the issue, but never encourage your children to fight,” she said.

Below Dr Charles-Freeman outlines some signs that your child is being bullied and is venturing into emotional distress.

1. Sleeping often

2. Refusal to socialise at home or outside with friends

3. Becoming extremely quiet or withdrawn

4. Loss of appetite

5. Overeating to compensate for emotional distress

6. Bed-wetting — take note of what your child goes to bed in and wakes up in. If they wet the bed they may hide it by changing their clothes. It’s a sign of emotional distress.

7. Coming home dirty

She added that if you are constantly buying and replacing school materials such as books, pens and pencils, then you need to find out why. Dr Charles-Freeman also pointed out the need to monitor your children’s social media accounts and groups, as children can be very mean and push other children to suicidal tendencies through cyber bullying.