Mom doesn’t want dad to file for daughter
Dear Mrs Macaulay,
My daughter’s father lives overseas and he is a green card holder. He advised me that he is in the process of filing for my daughter who is now eight years old. She has been living with me from birth. I received a call some time ago indicating that he needed the front page of her passport and other documents for the filing process. I gave him copies of those documents. He contacted me about a month ago for more information for the visa application form. I was advised by his mom that the only thing that is left regarding the filing process is for her to attend the embassy and also do a medical.
My issue, though, is I do not trust him with my daughter. At first I did not know the status of this filing process, as everything was kept a secret. I would just receive a call stating that he needed this or that. He is not a father who maintains his little girl on a consistent basis, and I do not know him to be a responsible adult. How do I go about getting full custody of my daughter, just in case he decides to take her and not send her back? At first he was saying she could come and go on holidays, but now I hear him saying he wants her to come and live with him full-time.
I do not have a visa and I do not know his address overseas or even the number of people in his household. I do not have a problem with her visiting on holidays, but to live with him full-time, I do not agree with that option. He is very combative, and I refuse to argue with him.
I am really surprised that you could have let the process of filing reach this stage, since you say you have known all along exactly what kind of person your child’s father is.
Why did you agree to his initial demands? Why did you not refuse to comply with his request on the grounds that he should have discussed the matter with you before he started the application process? Why were you so compliant? Your young daughter’s future and life are at stake! I am shocked by your complete compliance, even though you say he is combative.
You must decide whether or not you will comply with his further plans for your child. If you decide not to take her to her appointments for filing purposes, for example, the best he can do is have other appointments made.
This will give you time to inform him of your intent to obtain a custody order and to make the application with which he will have to be served. But what a mess you have made, simply because you neglected to take a stand and protect your daughter’s rights and best interests!
You just coasted along and gave him everything he asked for, even though he gave no recognition or respect to you as the child’s mother.
You have to get his address from him. If he refuses, then you should refuse to take the child to the embassy and for her medical examination. You have the right to refuse to complete the process and send your child off. You must then ensure that her grandmother does not take her if you refuse to do so.
You have the right to know the address of where your child is to spend holidays with her father, also what the living premises consist of, who will care for the child while he is at work, what the arrangements are for medical insurance for her while she is there, etcetera, etcetera.
You can go to the Family Court for your parish and speak with them about your situation and explain the urgency of your application. You must take a certified copy of her birth certificate with you. They will ask for his address and you must explain why you don’t have it. You must add that his mother is here and in frequent contact with him. Ask the Family Court if you can apply for substituted service so that you can proceed with your custody and care and control application before his filing process is completed.
Please remember that you have control of the situation, as you can refuse to go any further with it. The matter is in your hands and it always was.
Let me now take this opportunity to wish all my readers a very happy, safe and healthy Christmas holiday.
Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public, and women’s and children’s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide personal responses.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to legal advice from your own attorney
