Signs he’s not really sorry
IN every relationship people make mistakes, and those who deeply value their union usually make amends through an apology and improved behaviour. But for others, even as their lips curl to say ‘I’m sorry’ and their tone may sound sincere, they often say and do things soon after which belie their claim to being remorseful.
But how do you identify empty apologies? Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell shares signs that your man is not genuinely sorry for hurting you:
He has not followed up his words with actions
He says he is sorry and he promises to change, to work towards being a different person, but he doesn’t ever live up to his promises. Sometimes he will try to make new excuses and even change what he had said or promises to do better next time.
He uses the word ‘sorry’ on many occasions just to calm you down and hope you forget and move on
For him, sorry is like using a pacifier to calm a fussy baby. Whenever an issue arises, even without discussing it thoroughly, he will immediately apologise because he wants you to accept this and move on without demanding too much of him.
He refuses to offer any apology or take responsibility for his actions
He offends you or does something which displeases you, but he sees absolutely nothing wrong with what he has said or done. And even as you express your displeasure, he is not remorseful and tries to downplay his actions or words so that he does not have to feel responsible for your heartache.
He makes no commitment to effect the change required
He says that he will change but he doesn’t commit to it, nor does he try to make a plan as to how he will effect this change. If anything, he seems to be going about business as usual.
He sees the whole matter as unimportant and trivial
He downplays everything. He accuses you of exaggerating whenever you highlight something that warrants an apology. He even gets upset at your displeasure and blows the situation out of context in the hope that you will become annoyed and forget about it, or that he may get some pity somewhere in the midst of the chaos he created.
He repeats his mistakes
Someone who is genuinely sorry not only apologises, but commits to ensuring that he does not repeat the offence. He’s obviously banking on the fact that you forgave him when he had apologised the first time.
