Living in hell

WE never quite know exactly how our lives are going to pan out – much of what happens is touch and go, and we learn from ours, or other people’s experiences, when it comes to manoeuvring relationships. Living with someone, for example, is a decision that some people make based purely off love and wanting to share that space with someone they’re into; others choose to commingle because of finances or when a baby comes into the picture; and still others do it because they have no choice.

For many people it turns out well enough – either you find that you’re compatible and move to the next stage, or you find that you’re not, and part amicably. And then there are a few people for whom that choice to live with someone else is the worst decision they could ever make in their lives.

These women and men share the worst living situation they’ve found themselves in, and how they got out of it.

Yvonne, 45:

This was back in the day, in my 30s, when I just returned to Jamaica from Canada and needed somewhere to stay for a few months until my house was finished. I moved in with an old classmate from school who said I could just help out with the extra expenses, and I could stay as long as I needed. A couple months turned into four, then six, and even before then he had started making comments and demands. One night he “mistakenly” came into my room and crawled into my bed, and claimed he was sleepwalking. Then he asked me to do his laundry, then to cook, and then complained that I wasn’t cleaning up the place, like I was his wife or his maid. Seems this man had us in a relationship in his head! I had invested all my money in my house so I couldn’t even leave, but I had to take the loss and move into my unfinished house the second time he came into my room, condom in hand, and pretended to be sleepwalking again, while trying to hold me down.

Nas, 33:

I was 17 years old when I got pregnant, and my mom told me that since I was a big woman now, I had to leave the house in order not to set a bad example for my younger siblings. My babyfather’s mother said I could come stay with them, and I moved into the tenement with the family – she had 10 kids. Well, some of them had their own families living in different sections of the yard, and a few of the kids were still young – that was basically the living arrangement. She gave my babyfather and I a room and bathroom at the back, and I settled in and started preparing for my baby. Well, they all treated me well for like two days, then everybody started treating me like a maid, expecting me to do all sorts of chores in my pregnant state, including tying out goats, fetching water from the tank, and washing clothes with my hands. After about a month I begged my mother to let me come back, and by the time I went back home I looked old and haggard, like I was about 40 years old.

Ayesha, 24:

The man beat me morning, noon and night, and for the simplest things. Before that he was so perfect – the perfect boyfriend. But when I left UWI I wanted to save some money from my first job, which wasn’t paying much, so he suggested I move in. Things were good for a few months and then he switched up on me. And the worst thing is, in public he acted like a saint. This happened three years ago and after packing up and leaving when he was at work, and blocking him, I still fear men and relationships to this day, especially the Christian-looking ones who act decent.

Kelvin, 40:

I was 19 and still in school and my father got in legal trouble and to bail him, my mother sold a lot of our things and we had to leave the house we were renting and move in with my much older sister. That would just be me, my mom and two younger sisters, and my dad stayed with some friends. My sister’s generosity ended fast – to be fair, I think she was overwhelmed by the whole situation. She stopped paying the bills and buying food for the house, and the utilities got cut off, and we basically lived like savages for three months – I’m talking mosquitoes, rats and roaches would kill us at night, and my baby sisters had all kinds of sores on their skin. My sister was working good money so it’s not like she couldn’t help, she just wanted to drive us out. Mom was able to pick up a second job, and instead of university I got a little job, and that’s how we were able to leave. Right after we left, my sister reconnected the light and water, and while my mom forgave her, it’s been over two decades and she’s still dead to me.

Milton, 28:

I joined my NHT points with my sister to buy a house in Portmore and the plan was to expand right away, and I’d live upstairs while she and her kids lived downstairs. When the sale came through I moved into one of the bedrooms with my fiancée, and she and her kids occupied the other two. I got to work immediately, getting an architect to design the house plans, and used mine and my fiancées savings to start buying blocks and steel, as we wanted to complete the project as soon as possible, so we could move into our own section, and get married. But my sister started showing us bad face, and then started making up all kinds of excuses for not wanting to go ahead, including planning to buy me out. She made life for us so uncomfortable – turning off the water at the main, switching off the power from the panel box, disconnecting the wifi, and asking the neighbours to watch us like we were thieves – that we began to have second thoughts. One day she just came right out and said the house was hers and she no longer wanted to join, and asked us to leave. Legally, I didn’t have to, but I didn’t want to live in that kind of environment. She’s still there happily enjoying my points, and she did end up finishing the construction, and uses the upstairs as an AirBnb. I still haven’t got bought out, but I take sleep mark death because my name is on the title and if anything happens to her, it all transfers to me.