Women who marry younger men have higher mortality rates
TO quote the television show GI Joe , “Knowing is half the battle!” It’s true here too, because there are issues to consider in a relationships when a woman marries a younger man. It is important to know what researchers have found when there’s an age gap between a woman and her younger spouse. We know that researchers have clearly established that married people live healthier, happier lives than unmarried individuals. So getting married is a smart move once the option is truly available. However, we must consider the dynamic of when a wife is older than her husband by years. While the data says married persons live longer than single persons, it establishes that certain marriages can result in shorter lifespans.
For reasons not quite known, a woman who marries a man seven to nine years her junior apparently has a 20 per cent higher mortality rate than a woman who marries a man that’s her age; the younger husband’s life expectancy being reduced also, but by only 11 per cent. The 2010 study for these numbers, How Does the Age Gap Between Partners Affect Their Survival?, by Sven Drefahl and published in the journal Demography, also found an excess mortality of 40 per cent observed in women who were more than 15 years but less than 17 years older than their spouses. The lowest risk of dying was found in women who were about the same age as their husbands. The risk is similar for husbands – the older the wife is compared with her spouse, the higher the mortality of the husband. An excess mortality of more than 30 per cent could be found in married men who were more than seven years but less than 17 years younger than their wives.
Now, church leaders frequently remind individuals, “It is better to marry than to burn” (1 Corinthians 7:9), as we make reference to the prudence of not being sexually promiscuous but settling down with one faithful partner. And this remains true, even if the prospective man is a younger man, or the prospective lady is an older lady. However, proper preparation for such a relationship will be important. Why? Because there are issues involved in making such a marriage work. Yes, there are ‘issues’ to making every marriage work – and there’s never a silver bullet.
As a minister, I have discussed this term “unequally yoked” from different perspectives with various persons in an effort to pursue the best chances at good godly marriages. We counsellors walk couples through issues of differences in height, educational levels, social contexts, etc. And the issue of age differences we’ve had to thrash out too, because it requires a mutual understanding of implications.
Well, what are some things to generally consider when a woman marries a younger man? In my experience, such a couple must be aware of some traits to avoid – note, he’s not your “junior”, she’s not your “senior”. An older wife has to ensure she’s not considering her younger spouse as her junior in any regard. She has to maintain respect and regard for him as an equal partner. She’s not your ‘nurse’, he’s not your ‘gopher’ – spousal roles generally should not be determined with age in mind. She’s not your ‘advisor’, he’s not your ‘understudy’ – both persons must have equal opportunity at sharing opinions and determining the direction of the family. Additionally, a mutually owned car and house is prudent. Often, the wider the age difference, the more the preparation should be undertaken. Why? Because maturity. Love may be blind, but a good counsellor cannot afford to be.
Rev Christopher Brodber is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail him at chrisbrodber@yahoo.com.
