Good people, bad partners

THERE’S a quote, “A good woman’s love should never be taken for granted; only a fool would gamble with something so precious and so rare”. That, of course, could be substituted with a good man and the message would still be the same — when you have a good thing, appreciate it.

But being good sometimes doesn’t offer the protection it should, good people who have been hurt will tell you; in fact, sometimes the very act of you being good is ammunition for people to lash out at you.

“Being a good person doesn’t automatically mean that you will be treated right – just look at all the decent people who have experienced all kinds of ills in life and history,” Counsellor David Anderson said. “In relationships, too, being a good person doesn’t automatically mean that you’re the right person for that other person to spend the rest of their life with.”

Did you end a relationship with a good person, despite that positive character trait? Why did you do it? Were you the recipient of bad vibes from a partner even though you met all the criteria of being good, fair and decent? What happened? Below readers tell All Woman.

Jonoi, 27:

After four years together, having a baby, getting baptised together and moving in together, he told me I was the perfect woman, but he didn’t see himself getting married. He said he didn’t want to ruin my chances of finding love, and he would just stay by himself, because he was weighing me down, and I deserved better. Just three months after we broke up, he was engaged to another woman from our church, and within the year, they were married. So he in fact wanted to get married, just not to me.

Simone, 42:

He was a very good man, very good father, good lover, but he was just not the right person for me. There was nothing he could have done differently, I just wasn’t in love with him, and trust me, I tried. He was such a good person that he said he respected me for telling him that, and he went on to meet a good lady, and is now married with other kids, and we co-parent well with the two we had together.

Lance, 40:

Met her at church, she was a real Mother Teresa at church, but when we did go out she was more open, and even semi-interesting. But although she was nice and kind and good with children, and we made a good match, she was boring. She was also so absurdly chaste and uneducated about sex and men, and to be honest, I didn’t feel like being her teacher in the bedroom.

Trish-Ann, 35:

My friend introduced us after I had just ended a long-term relationship; I guess she wanted to show me that good men still existed. But he was just so boring when we talked. Also, he was a dairy farmer, and all he spoke about was the life we would have on his farm. All I could think about was being in St Elizabeth in some unknown place, having baby after baby, and milking cows, and watching life pass me by. I nipped that love interest in the bud after the second date.

Tahira, 31:

We dated for about six months and looking back, it was probably the best time I’ve had with a man. We had so much fun together and he was just a great individual. He worked good money, was good looking, and would check up on me all the time, and spoilt me with gifts. But there was just absolutely zero attraction from my end. I felt like he was my brother, and when he tried to get close to me, it would freak me out. I had to let him go, even though the attention was nice, because I ran out of excuses as to why we couldn’t get close.

Daniel, 28:

We went to high school together and years later I ran into her and we chatted up a storm then lost contact again. I saw her online maybe a year later and we started talking. This is a very successful woman who had everything going well for her. I admired her drive for someone in her 20s. She was very focused, headstrong and extremely kind-hearted. I floated the idea of a relationship by her and she was hesitant at first as she was living overseas at the time. She visited Jamaica for the holidays and I asked her in person to be my girlfriend and she said yes. I felt so at peace with her and it felt right as we knew each other for awhile. She treated me well too. She would call and text everyday, send me stuff and was willing to go the extra mile for me every time. When I was in a financial bind, she helped. When I wanted a career change, she called her contacts. When I wanted to go back to school, she sat and helped me brainstorm courses I could do and encouraged me that it was not late to give life another shot. When she moved back to Jamaica and I had difficult days at work, she would come by and would always bring lunch or dinner. There’s no doubt she loved me. We discussed family and marriage — all my suggestions and she was OK with it. She was an absolute angel. However, I was in love with someone else — someone I was with before her and while with her. I felt I should do the right thing and break up with my friend turned girlfriend. She was devastated and it cost me our friendship, but I felt bad for stringing her along without her having a clue.