Are Christian guys really boring?
I spoke to a very attractive Christian lady some time ago. She stunned me with a statement that I have never forgotten. She said, “Christian guys are so boring.” It was the first time I was hearing that from anyone, and here I was, a Christian guy shooting my shot.
She went on to tell me of her experience with Christian guys. Of course, I was now evaluating myself and my efforts. She said on one occasion she went on a date with a Christian young fellow to see a movie and he took his Bible into the cinema. It was a turn off for her.
Well, I have since heard others say similar things. Another young lady said “they don’t know how to just flex”. So what were these ladies alluding to about us Christian young men? Is there any merit to what they were saying? It seems there may be three main issues they’re having with us as Christian guys:
1. How we dress
It may be because we seek to be modest that sometimes how we dress isn’t classified as dapper. However, in our defence, at least you won’t often find most Christian guys with pants hanging down under their butts either. Yet, we know we are not always the most current or colourful. We aren’t predominantly hooked on brands. We are often dressed like we are at a Sunday morning service when we go out. So I would advise Christian guys to make an effort to look good. Be well-groomed and look trendy. There’s nothing wrong with looking trendy — and casual isn’t a sin. “Man looks at the outward appearance” (1 Samuel 16:7). This is a reality that the Lord reminded us of, and we only get one shot at a first impression. People see you before they know your heart, and how you dress often reflects your standards. We must not be materialistic, but we should show that we are ‘taken care of’ by the Good Shepherd.
2. How we speak
Surprisingly, some Christian women expect Christian men to be as brash with words as our non-Christian counterparts. They might expect, “Mi woulda deh wid yuh”. They say we are not frank and straightforward enough. But Christian guys do often monitor our approach and our ‘lyrics’ because we don’t want to offend or give a wrong impression. Yes, there are guys that toss their Christianity to the wind when pursing a lady — we can’t condone that. What I can recommend to Christian guys, though, is to have fun. Be okay with laughter. While we guard our tongues from being inappropriate, know that, that lady you like wants to hear the real you. She wants to hear you laugh and lighten up. “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). There is so much stress in the world, she’ll want you to lighten up. And don’t always quote scripture, be able to chat about current affairs as well.
3. How we act
Yes, we can be ‘stiff’. Yet I recall playing games in our young adult group at church when I was in my early 20s. We played silly games: 123 red light, etc. We had fun with childish games, even as young adults. It’s fine to have fun. We had our boundaries, but we had good, clean fun. Christian guys should be confident. If necessary, have an accountability partner that can speak to you and rein you in if needed. But learn to chill. The Bible says, “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” It speaks to throwing off airs, fears, and self-doubt. Be yourselves, and if she likes you, then… if not, then she’s not for you.
I don’t think Christian guys are ultimately boring, I just think we are careful, and careful can be criticised.
Rev Christopher Brodber is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail him at chrisbrodber@yahoo.com.
