Mistress in the dark
BIM – Bam & Clover may have invited wives and sweethearts to be friends as a way to end jealousy, but this pairing is hardly the norm in modern-day relationships. What happens most times is that there is much animosity between both parties when they learn about each other.
Many times the woman on the side knows about the wife, but the wife is unaware, and the mistress keeps her place so as not to disrupt the status quo. But also, there are times when she just doesn’t know that she’s the third wheel, and finding out floors her.
Have you ever been the woman on the side and didn’t know about it? How did you find out?
Diane, 40:
I found out when I saw his wedding in the newspaper, and it was so embarrassing, because he had met my family. I guess what they say about soldier men is true though — at least he proved that the saying was right. I didn’t have any suspicions at all because when he wasn’t with me, he was at camp. This happened about seven years ago, and I still get embarrassed when I think about it. Oh, and he had two kids too, including an infant, and they were in the wedding party. Imagine picking up the paper to read suss, and seeing your man there in living colour talking about the love of his life.
Kelly, 30:
I am the second woman on the side — interesting, yes, but men are animals and karma is real. I was with a married man some years back, had a child for him, even though I knew he was married. I also did the whole confronting the wife thing, and found her on social media and even went to the house (yes, I’m ashamed). Fast-forward four years, and he’s taking care of me and our son, and then I see a child’s christening pictures in his phone and confronted him, and he admitted that he had another child with another woman. So I was the woman on the side who found out that she was also the woman on the side, if that’s clear. And, by the way, he used the same godfather for both our kids.
Jhonelle, 38:
I was pregnant and was making a list for him to buy some baby items while he was going overseas on a ‘work trip’ when he slipped up and said something about getting some hand-me-downs from his “babymother”. At first I thought he was referring to me, but then realised that he meant someone else. He ‘fessed up that he had his woman in Florida who had his kids, and pretended like he’d told me before (like I’d have been with him knowing that). So all along I thought I was having his first child, and was his bonafide woman, when it was all a lie. Then he had the temerity to tell me that he could save money by giving my baby her gently worn baby items.
Cassandra, 32:
I used to tease him about the fact that he had a banger phone, but he always laughed and said people with real wealth didn’t need expensive phones, and compared himself to Bill Gates. Well wouldn’t you know that one day I was giving him a birthday surprise by having his car detailed while he was resting, and the car wash guy found an iPhone in a compartment under his car seat. I couldn’t open it, but the screensaver was of him, a woman, and a baby in a professional Christmas photo. So he indeed had a proper phone that he used with his wife, and I was the idiot who believed his story about not caring about material things.
Brittany, 23:
He sat me down and told me — days before Valentine’s Day — I think because he just couldn’t find a way to juggle us both. We’d only been dating a year or so, so it wasn’t as traumatising as it could have been, and I think I took it quite well, despite the fact that he was my first everything, and I imagined a future with him. But he’s a narcissist — he basically presented his argument like he was giving a thesis statement, with pros and cons as to why we should continue dating. Prior to that I thought that I was his priority, next to law school, but homeboy had a whole family shacking up with in a starter home in Portmore.
