Life lessons

LIFE is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood, American essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson said, emphasising the belief that life is the best teacher, and those who aren’t taught are wont to keep making the same mistakes. Just as how the usual life lessons teach us how to move forward, so do lessons in past relationships teach us how to navigate future ones.

What’s a lesson you’ve learnt from a past relationship to never repeat in your future relationships?

We asked readers, and this is what they said.

Kim, 39:

Don’t marry for money because you will be absolutely miserable in the marriage yet feel like you have to praise the man for doing the bare minimum. The worst thing also is that the money was good while we were together but when he asked for a divorce, I realised that I had nothing to get as he had tied up all his investments and funds in his other family members’ names, and not much was left to be shared with me as community property. My kids are taken care of but I got nothing, really. So, years of kissing up to this man and putting up with all kinds of things, and I had nothing to show for myself in the end except all the material things like clothes and jewellery that I wore when we were married. I know now to not focus on wealth so much but on the person’s heart.

Gabrielle, 29:

Do not do anything you’re uncomfortable with — morally or otherwise — in the bedroom because it’s never a “Let’s try this once” thing. If you’re truly not comfortable, don’t consent because you’ll be opening Pandora’s box. I know now that no matter how much you love the man, even when you’ve had too much wine, agreeing to experiment will just lead you down the rabbit hole and you might not be able to get back to normal.

Kascia, 25:

All men are the same, and once you know that, relationships get easier. Never try to change a man, because he will adjust at first to try to please you but then, like Venus rising, the dutty bundle will also rise. And just so you’re not surprised, take my advice that they’re all the same — some just know how to pretend for longer than others.

Catherine, 33:

Trust your instincts — your gut, women’s intuition, whatever you want to call it. If your red flags are going off about anything — his true sexuality, or whatever — follow your gut. Your instincts are never wrong. Lol. Whenever you feel like something is off about someone, just run like Bolt and avoid them.

Amoy, 26:

The first time he even raises his hands at you, leave. If he makes threats and laughs them off, get out. It will only get worse. And if you ever make the mistake of forgiving him for hitting you the first time, he will take that as an invitation that you’re weak and that you don’t mind being ‘disciplined’. I would never be in a relationship like that again.

Kameilla, 30:

Have standards. Make a list, if you will, for what you want and stick to it. Don’t bend your standards for anyone because there are men out there who do meet those standards. Don’t change what you want just for the sake of having a man. If you’ve been dating for a while, for example, and there’s no discussion about the future, move on. Life is too short to waste on bare minimum men.