What’s that one thing your ex ruined for you?
OH, the joys of being young and unattached. You do what you want, have your likes —quirky as they may be — and are your own person, charting your own path. Then along comes a guy, and it’s all good initially, then it ends, and he makes some of the things you once enjoyed unpalatable.
Sounds familiar? What’s something that your ex ruined for you?
Jewel, 28:
I used to be at the beach literally every weekend, just me and my daughter, doing girl stuff. When I started dating my ex we’d go a couple times, but then he monopolised my time so much that I forgot about that part of myself. He was also interested in “more serious” stuff — like investing, and taking care of the home, and building connections with other people of the same ilk. When we broke up I was a different person, not so carefree anymore. He ruined that part of me that could just chill and relax and enjoy myself and my daughter. Now I’m a worrier who’s just consumed with making more money and investing in the future and stuff like that, and it’s all so mind-numbingly boring, to be honest.
Taneka, 44:
He ruined my relationship with my children. He entered their lives when they were pre-teens, and as a stern stepdad would get angry when they would want comfort from me, as he believed in harsh discipline. They were good kids but their personalities changed with him, and I didn’t realise until it was too late. Today they’re difficult teenagers, and we no longer have a close bond. It’s like they see me as the enemy as much as they saw him; and even though he’s no longer in our lives, my kids and I still live like strangers in our home.
Jennica, 24:
I was very trusting and generous and would do a lot for people. When I started dating him, with his paranoid self, he started making me doubt people’s intentions by pointing out all the bad things other people were doing. Eventually I started thinking like him, and cut a lot of people off. Nowadays I’m still a little paranoid but I’m opening up my heart to humanity once more. It’s true what they say, the people you are around have a huge impact on your thoughts and actions.
Sharon, 40:
He cheated and lied about it for a long time, and when we eventually left I went through a heartbreak that left me feeling so bad, like I never wanted to give anyone that much care and compassion and love ever again. For a long time I would hold myself back in other relationships, as I didn’t want to fall into that black space again. But therapy helped me see that this kind of thinking would just mess me up for the future, and ruin future relationships.
