4 signs you are with a narcissistic partner

GETTING caught up in a relationship with a narcissistic partner can be a life-changing experience, often not a good one, but many people who are in relationships with narcissists remain stuck because they do not understand the type of person they are dealing with and the lasting damage that the relationship can have on them.

Many women just know that the man in their life drives them nuts because he can be the most loving person they ever met, but on the other hand, he is also the reason they are experiencing a high level of emotional turbulence, such as they have never experienced before.

The reason for the emotional turbulence is because they are in love with a narcissist.

The Mayo Clinic defines narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

The sad thing is that most women who end up with narcissistic men will go through a prolonged period of emotional trauma with them before they realise the magnitude of what they are dealing with.

Although narcissistic people have a high sense of self-importance, they are also very good at painting themselves as victims to get others to feel sorry for and desirous of helping them, when what needs to be done is to call them out and cut them off.

You cannot defeat what you don’t understand, so I will share for the benefit of people who are in relationships with narcissistic partners some of the behaviours to look for that will help you identify if you are in this kind of relationship.

Narcissistic partners have a “me, me” mentality, they come to take from you, not to give to you. Everything you receive from them comes with a selfish motive. The attention you receive does not come from a pure heart that loves you, it’s part of an overall strategy to get what they need from you. Here are some typical behaviours to look out for to know if you are with a narcissistic partner.

Narcissistic men target women with high levels of empathy

Soft-hearted women are prime targets for narcissistic men. If you have a soft heart, a heart for helping others, and if you are always going the extra mile to help others, you are who psychologists classify as an empath and you are a prime target for a narcissistic person.

Your good heart may ultimately be your downfall because, even when you see the faults in people, your heart won’t allow you to cut them off to save yourself. Instead of saving yourself, you choose to save them and that is why narcissistic men have a long track record of playing women who are soft-hearted, caring, and giving.

They are attracted to you because you are a giver and they are takers.

Women who have an A-type or go-getter personality are also prime prey for narcissistic men because these types of women often tend to want to fix a man rather than just let him go once they realise he is messed up.

When a narcissistic man begins to show his true colours, instead of walking away, the “fixer mentality” in a woman who is an A-type personality goes into overdrive to try to fix him. Big mistake.

What she is setting herself up for is prolonged emotional turmoil, mental torment, and heartache because a narcissistic man enjoys observing the pain they are inflicting. Your pain gives them a high. They do not want to be fixed.

Seems like the perfect guy, but it’s a game

Initially a narcissistic man is going to appear like the perfect guy for you. This is because he knows what to say and do to make you happy and feel valued so it doesn’t take long for you to fall for him. However, if there’s one thing a narcissistic partner knows how to do better than anything else, it is how to manipulate you because they study you before they suck you into a relationship and on a path of pure emotional torment.

A narcissistic partner cares about one person and that’s themselves, so nothing a narcissistic man does is done out of love for you. It’s for his benefit only, so once he sets his sights on you, you become a pawn in an emotionally turbulent game that he is playing.

He will suck you in quickly by appearing to be everything you ever wanted in a man. Narcissists study you so a narcissistic man knows what you need and he will go overboard to provide it, not because he loves you but because it’s a game and his aim is to master the game and win.

He is usually overly nice, appears to be humble, sweet, and caring and he seems to be able to anticipate your needs and meet them, but it’s all designed to get you to fall for him so that he can get from you the benefits he has already discerned that you can bring him.

He will even charm the socks off your friends and family because he needs to impress you and those that matter to you, but it’s all a show, and once you have been sucked in, he will begin to play mind games which sends your emotions into a tail spin.

Appears indecisive about commitment

When you are in a relationship with a narcissistic man he will appear indecisive about commitment, but don’t be fooled. He is not double-minded, he knows exactly what he is doing.

Acting indecisive is an avoidance tactic. Indecision is a decision. He does not want to commit to you, but he needs you for something so he puts you in emotional turmoil by constantly running hot and cold to confuse you so that he can keep you guessing. He gives you enough to keep you holding on to hope without losing access to you and whatever benefits you provide him.

A man who loves and wants you will show you that he values you with his words and actions, but a narcissistic man will eventually get tired of the Mr Nice Guy show once he has power over your emotions. Once you fall in love with him, he knows he can control your actions because he already has your heart. That is why he strings you along and does not commit because he knows he has power over you and he knows it is likely to take something very drastic for you to give up on him, although he is not committing to marriage.

Manipulates you and others for his benefit

Don’t be surprised when you observe that the man who claims you have made him happy gives a completely different impression to others behind your back. The fact is, he is wearing a mask, the person you are seeing is a façade so he will adopt different personalities in different situations.

Because he is not planning to commit to you, the same man who says you make him happy and that you are everything to him, given the opportunity will give a totally different impression to other women because he wants to keep his options open.

He will laugh in private and tell you how much joy you have brought into his life but appear emotionally torn when he is given a public platform.

He will say the right things when he is with you because he knows there is some value to keeping you around, but he may also be saying the very same thing to several other women and playing the same no-commitment game with them.

He reels them in because he needs some benefit from them, he lets them fall in love with him, leads them to believe he wants to commit and just needs some time to sort some things out, then takes them on an emotional roller-coaster.

The moment they begin to press him for answers about the future of the relationship he will become offended and remind them that he never made a commitment to them.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, you may be surprised to see that the behaviours I mentioned were right in front of you for a long time but you missed them because you did not understand what you were dealing with.

Now that you know, remember that your mental and emotional health are at risk. You cannot fix a narcissistic person because, for the most part, they do not want to be fixed, and they are not with you because they desire for you to fix them. They are with you to take from you and they will destroy your mental and emotional health and damage your self-esteem, if you let them. The best way to deal with people who have narcissistic personality disorder is to pray for them and if you want to love them, love them from a distance.

NEXT WEEK: 4 more signs you’re with a narcissistic partner.

Marie Berbick is a motivational speaker, empowerment coach, spiritual mentor, and pastor of Marie Berbick Ministries Intl based in Queens, New York. Follow her on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok @Marie Berbick and on Facebook @RevMarie Berbick. Website: www.marieberbick.com, e-mail: marieberbick@gmail.com.