6 red flags that will tell you he isn’t right for you

WHILST there is no perfect man, there are just some men that a smart woman ought to avoid at all costs. For the sake of a peaceful, drama-free life, turn a blind eye to their charm and good looks if you notice these six red flags.

He hates his mother

If the man you are dating hates his mother, run. Yes, there are some mothers who have put their children through some serious trauma and mothers who abandoned their children, but if he despises his mother to the point where he has nothing good to say about her, that’s a red flag for you. A man who hates his mother, for the most part, will have issues with the women in his life, including you, and is likely to treat you with the same disdain and lack of empathy he feels for his mother. A man can have a traumatic experience with his mother and still turn out to be a great husband or partner, but for the most part, a man who has not dealt with those mommy issues will take them out on you. Years ago when I was dating, I always observed keenly how a man treated his mother, and if he despised her, was angry and unforgiving toward her, it was an indication of what I could expect from him later on in the relationship. I can safely say, it always played out as I expected.

He’s over 35 and still doesn’t have a vision

A man who is over 35 and still does not have a vision for his life will not be able to lead his household successfully. He is not ready to be a husband. You will have to lead him and that is a reversal of the natural order of the family structure. If a man gets to age 35 and still does not know what he wants for his life and how he will accomplish it, that’s a big red flag. By that age, most men are expected to be well on their way to achieving their goals and aspirations. A man wants to have certain things in place even before he marries. Unless he has been through a divorce or some other life-altering experience, if a man is not on his way to achieving the basics, such as a house and financial stability, be wary of committing to him.

He talks about his ex constantly

Whether its to commend or make disparaging remarks about her, a man who constantly talks about his ex has unfinished business with her. He is not emotionally ready for a new relationship. Tell him to offload that baggage and come back when he is ready for a relationship with you.

One of the worst things one can do to a new person in their life is to be totally consumed with thoughts of their ex, months or even years after the break-up. I remember going to dinner with a nice fellow who spent the entire evening talking about the shortcomings of his ex. I honestly believed that he needed therapy, just to offload. Needless to say, it was the first and last date. I found a nice way to let him know we weren’t connecting.

A man who is interested in you ought to use wisdom. Even if he has some thoughts about his ex that he wants to share, he should know timing and the right place to do so and never allow his feelings about his ex to dominate your conversations.

He prefers to hang out with his buddy than with you

The sad truth is that there are some men that women think would be ideal husbands, but they are secretly gay. They marry women to cover up their lifestyle, but a woman can avoid this colossal mistake if she is discerning of certain things. If a man has a best buddy that he spends more time with than he does with you, be careful. People normally talk about things that interest them. The more interested they are in a thing or person, the more they want to talk about it, him, or her. If he talks about his best buddy to you, more than he discusses things that concern you both, something is wrong. If you feel uncomfortable about his relationship with his best buddy or some other male, ask him outright if he is gay. If he denies it but continues with the suspicious behaviour, walk away.

He does not give you treats

You can meet a man at a time when he is going through a financially tough situation, but a man who cares for you will still find thoughtful ways to show you that you are special to him. A man who never buys you a little gift, never tries to step in if he notices that you need something that he can afford to give you, and always wants to split the bill on a date, is a no-no. The practice of who pays for what and when may differ depending on culture, but regardless of culture, a man should be considerate of his woman’s needs and try to take pressure off her as much as possible. If you are in need and he knows and does not volunteer to help out, that’s not the kind of man that you want to get serious with.

He makes no effort to connect with your children

A woman with children is a no-no for some men. They might like her but just do not want to take on the full package, which includes her child or children. However, if you are a single woman with a child or children, it is imperative that the man you choose connects with and is comfortable with your children. Some men will pretend initially, but eventually their discomfort with your children will show. I have counselled many women who went into relationships and marriages with men who showed them from the beginning of the relationship that they did not like their children, yet they proceeded with the relationship to their detriment and the detriment of their children. Kids internalise and sometimes carry traumatic experiences with them for life. They might even blame and end up hating you. If you see from the get-go that a man does not like your children and his attitude does not change over time, don’t subject yourself and your kids to the trauma that is likely to come. Find somebody who is willing and ready to accept you for the full package that you are.

Marie Berbick is a motivational speaker, empowerment coach, spiritual mentor, and pastor of Marie Berbick Ministries Intl based in Queens, New York. Follow her on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok @Marie Berbick and on Facebook @RevMarie Berbick. Website: www.marieberbick.com, e-mail: marieberbick@gmail.com.