Secrets, and the lies men tell

DISCOVERING a significant betrayal, like infidelity or a hidden double life, can be particularly shocking in a relationship. Trust is foundational, and breaches of this trust can have a profound emotional impact. But life wouldn’t be life as we know it if things flowed as they should and everything worked within reason.

In relationships, open communication and honesty are crucial for maintaining healthy interactions. But there are still pitfalls — lies, and half-truths, and surprises. What’s the most shocking thing you’ve learned about your partner since being with them?

Shantae, 38:

His family history wasn’t very pretty, and I only learned everything after we were married — like I learned that the woman he called mom was actually his aunt, and his mom died overseas while living a sleazy life. He had also lied about his dad — his father wasn’t dead, but was actually an older man who basically groomed his mother. So yes, I kinda understand why he didn’t tell me, but it’s not the kind of lineage I would have wished for my kids. But, they’re already here and I can’t do anything about it.

Mahlia, 34:

He said he graduated from a certain high school and college, and I only found out that it was all a lie when we were trying to migrate to Canada and he couldn’t produce the proper documents and transcripts. Like an idiot I followed up and even e-mailed and called the schools on his behalf, before he confessed that his whole life was a scam. He had basically paid for his certificates and stuff, and no one had bothered to check, but he knew that the Canadians would investigate.

Tamar, 42:

He lied about his age; I guess he thought I woudn’t be with a man that much younger. Anyway, we were getting married and he handled all the paperwork so I didn’t find out that he was actually 10 years younger — and not four as he said — until we were signing the register and I saw his actual date of birth. When I looked back I realised that I had never seen any IDs of his, and he had handled all the paperwork and stuff because he worked with the Government and didn’t have to join the long lines or go through any hassle, like I would have.

Kenya, 23:

He said he was a past student of a certain school, and did track and field, and almost got a scholarship. He always wore their colours with pride; I don’t even know why someone would lie about that. It was about a year after we started talking that I found out from his mom that he actually went to school in the country, and didn’t even run track.

Kaydeen, 45:

I helped him to come to the US, and added his two children to the filing. After his papers came through we were looking about the papers for the kids when he asked about the possibility of filing for his two nieces, whom he would adopt. He gave me some cock and bull story but I believed him, and started asking lawyers about the process. Anyway, to make a long story short, those were his other kids that he didn’t tell me about. And I would have been fine with four kids, but now, because he didn’t list them as his kids initially, we can’t file for them too.