Church sister moving in on my husband
Counsellor,
I have been married for 23 years with three beautiful children. On the early onset of our marriage my husband cheated and I forgave him. Now we are having constant issues regarding a sister in our church who is constantly calling my husband for just about everything. I am the wife and she chooses to ask him for things from our house. Her husband has been away for many years now, and I am afraid things will turn intimate. I have spoken to my husband about it and nothing seems to change. I am at my wits’ end, and I’m contemplating leaving him. I need your help.
Your husband of 23 years seems to be getting too close to a sister from church and it’s frustrating you. Understood. You are correct to feel that your husband should know better, with or without the past infidelity in mind. Yes, what you’ve described is just how trouble starts. It doesn’t usually start with a blatant offer on a silver platter. No, it usually starts as an apparent “convenient” thing. Troubles occur at the end of several gradual minor wrongdoings; they then conclude with the grander wrongdoing. And wrongdoers will often remark, “I don’t know how it get dat far”, or “baby, mi nuh know how it happ’n.”
I say to couples, a wife protects her husband as much as a husband protects his wife. A husband should protect his wife physically, providing security for the house, etc. But a wife should protect her husband from “sinister sisters”, from seducers, etc. Husbands and wives protect each other! The
Bible says, in Proverbs 6:26, “For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.” So, you were right to seek to alert your husband and defend your marriage. Don’t just leave — defend your home!
It’s all in the job. If you’ve married a good person, someone else will see that too. No surprise. Yes, you’d want your husband to have common sense, to see and be smart to the threat. But yes, we husbands are sometimes simple-minded and stubborn. We can often forget that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. So, know that your efforts are virtuous and noble. Don’t give up. I’d hope that if he was in a physical fight for his life, you might jump in with something to help him survive. Even so, diligently help him to win now. Don’t run away.
My advice:
Speak to her: Be very firm. Don’t become “Bad Gyal”, but communicate very clearly that you’re prepared to protect your family. Let her know that she’s acting inappropriately and she should stop now. Let her know you are likely to take the matter to the church leadership.
Speak to your husband again: Let him know he’s acting inappropriately, jeopardising your relationship. Tell him this is where he saves the marriage, by listening to you now. Ask if he thinks there’s something amiss in your marriage. Be prepared for any answer and be mature enough to seek resolution if there’s any issue. Tell him being tempted is real, the
Bible says so — 1 Corinthians 10:13. But he should be smart enough to overcome, especially with you alerting him.
Consider speaking to your pastor: You should feel free to share the situation with your pastor. The church leadership exists to help in challenges like these, once they are indeed mature and trustworthy. If you aren’t getting anywhere after talking to that church sister, or your husband, you could set up a meeting with the pastor, yourself and your husband first, and then include the sister.
Women are often very perceptive and can see these threats, as you’re seeing now. Men often have these blind spots. Men may be more perceptive with physical threats. However, feel free to reach out to
Chrisbrodber@yahoo.com, a counselling session may be helpful.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
