Marriage matters

THESE days, lots of people are happily skipping the wedding bells, creating families, and living together for years and years without jumping the broom. Couples move in together, raise kids, share bills, and sometimes even buy property, tying themselves to each other for the long-term. And they do this all without ever saying “I do”. The common refrain? “Marriage is just a piece of paper”.

And sure, love doesn’t need paperwork to be real, says marriage counsellor Annette Palmer-Lowe. “You don’t need a certificate to split the last slice of pizza, argue over
Netflix choices, or survive a trip to Panama without breaking up. But when it comes to the law, that ‘piece of paper’ can make a world of difference.”

She explained that there are times when being legally married isn’t about flowers and cake, but about rights, protection, and recognition.

Last week we explored the intricacies of the law and spouses’ rights, contextualising the benefits common-law spouses actually enjoy in tandem with married spouses, and those they do not.

“It’s always a sore point in the Jamaican context too,” said Palmer-Lowe. “Because sometimes even when you think you’re in a common-law union you don’t meet the criteria, and sometimes the man even has other women thinking they, too, are in such unions with him.”

It’s a memory that still brings a sick feeling to Jaymie W’s stomach, when she remembers the series of events that followed her babyfather’s death.

“We lived together for 15 years and had three children,” she said. “We had our family home, cars, and he always said we would get married when the time was right, and there was no rush.”

Her partner was killed in a motor vehicle accident, and it was soon after, that her world fell apart.

“Soon after he passed, and I was making arrangements, I was told by his mom that his wife had come down from England, and would be taking over the funeral plans. That was the first time I was hearing that he was married.”

What followed was that not only did his wife plan his burial, but she soon served notice on Jaymie and her children to vacate the house.

“I consulted a lawyer and was told that I basically had no rights, as I wasn’t common-law due to his marriage,“ she said. ”My only recourse was to seek help for the kids, and the wife was gracious enough to continue support for them. As for me, I lost everything, but luckily, the car was in my name.”

For Allison C, though she was still legally married, things had ended over a decade before she moved in with her new partner. She helped him build up his grocery shop, tended to his farm, and lived with him for eight years. When he died suddenly, her world changed.

“We shared a home, but soon after he died, and before his funeral, his adult children wrote to me, telling me I had to leave his house,” she said.

“I couldn’t believe it, because it’s not as if the kids and I didn’t get along. They didn’t even want me at the funeral, and I wasn’t mentioned in the funeral programme, even though everyone in the community knew we were together.”

Beverly S actually started the court process to be legally declared the common-law spouse after her partner passed, in order to start the process for getting his estate in order.

“But then I realised that I was always going to be getting a fight from his kids, mom, and his siblings, and there were lots of threats to my life, and it was so expensive, that I just withdrew,” she said. “Looking back, I wish I hadn’t been so complacent in not getting married, but I truly believed that getting my share would be a piece of cake.“

Said Palmer-Lowe: “Marriage may feel like ‘just a piece of paper’ when life is going okay, but when the challenges come, like hospital emergencies and inheritance battles, that paper suddenly works like a VIP ticket. Love is the heart of a relationship, no doubt, but sometimes it helps to have the law on your side too.”

She said at the end of the day, love builds the bond, but marriage secures the foundation.

“That ‘piece of paper’ isn’t about proving commitment to each other, it’s about making sure the world, the law, and every institution recognises the commitment too,” Palmer-Lowe added.

“Without it, you might find yourself shut out of decisions, protections, and benefits that should rightfully be yours. So while marriage may not make the love stronger, it does make the partnership safer. And when life throws its inevitable curveballs, that safety net is worth far more than paper.”