Should your man be supporting his family financially?
RELATIONSHIPS are tricky enough on their own, but when your man is carrying the financial responsibility for his entire family, the stakes rise dramatically. I’ve seen firsthand how financial pressure from a man’s family can damage a marriage or relationship.
Many women don’t realise that when a man is financially supporting parents, siblings, or extended family, it can be a very sensitive issue, so it is crucial that you approach it with wisdom.
Forty to 50 per cent of divorces cite financial stress or disagreements about money as a significant factor. In fact a 2017 survey by SunTrust, found that 35 per cent of couples argued about money weekly, and couples who fight about finances are 30 per cent more likely to divorce.
So this matter of a married man being financially responsible for his extended family can have weighty consequences because his wife can become resentful, especially is she feels short-changed. Without open communication and strategy, this issue can lead to tension, or worse, breakups. But here’s the good news: balance is possible, and it can actually strengthen your relationship.
Here are three proven strategies to help navigate this sensitive situation.
Open, honest communication about money
The first rule of a financially imbalanced relationship is: talk about it. Some women shy away from discussing a man being financially responsible for his extended family for fear he may alienate you, or his family might dislike and resent you. So you keep quiet to keep the peace, but you complain to others outside the marriage or relationship.
The smart thing to do is ask questions, not in a critical way, but to understand. How much is he contributing to his family? What are his obligations? Does he feel stressed or overwhelmed? Likewise, share your own expectations and boundaries. Is he taking adequate care of your needs or your children (if you have kids) or you are being short-changed because of his extended family’s needs?
Healthy dialogue can prevent misunderstandings and cultivate teamwork instead of tension.
Remember: communication is not about controlling him; it’s about understanding him and finding ways to support each other.
Offer practical support instead of emotional pressure
If a man is feeling overwhelmed by the financial needs of his extended family, sometimes he feels like he’s alone in the battle. Don’t add pressure by comparing your relationship to others. Sit with him and come up with a workable solution.
The goal is to create an environment where he feels less pressure and can feel your support. Don’t nag or judge him because sometimes cultural practices play a huge role in a man feeling responsible for his extended family. Try to understand his position and come up with solutions together. Support is love in action, and it builds unity.
Set boundaries that protect your marriage
Carrying an entire family financially is noble, but it can become a problem if it starts consuming the resources or attention meant for your marriage. Boundaries are essential.
Sit down and define what is fair for him, for his family, and for your life together. Perhaps you agree on a fixed amount he contributes monthly, or decide together.
I’ve counselled and coached women who are in this situation and one of the things I tell them to do is agree with your husband on a budget that includes a line item for family assistance. When that money is expended, that’s it. You don’t have anymore. Cut the spending.
Encourage him to protect “marriage first” moments — whether it’s date nights, savings, or joint investments.
Boundaries don’t mean cutting off family or being selfish, they mean protecting your relationship so it can thrive despite external pressures. Couples who establish clear financial boundaries early often have stronger marriages, because they learn to prioritise partnership over guilt or obligation.
When a man is carrying his entire family financially, your role is not to compete with that responsibility, but to partner with him wisely. That requires empathy, communication, and strategic thinking.
If you’re in this situation and need some help navigating, connect with me on my coaching website www.marieberbickcoach.com. We can work through it together.
Marie Berbick Bailey
Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, women’s resilience coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
