Provider pressure
LAST week the issue of the male provider was in sharp focus online, with a story surrounding a social media content creator arguing over what role a man should play in the household when his woman is the main provider. Some public sentiment had it that even when the man is the caregiver he’s still supposed to be the provider, because apparently 50-50 just applies when it’s in the woman’s favour.
Growing up as a Jamaican man I learned real quick that life came with a script, and unfortunately, nobody asked if I wanted the role. From the moment I was old enough to open my own juice box I was told that a man must provide, protect and never fail. Meanwhile, my sister could do the bare minimum and get a round of applause. She made her bed one morning and my mother called her “wife material”. I took out the garbage, fixed the gate, and fed the animals and guess what I got? “Good. That’s what a man is supposed to do”.
The pressure starts early. You’re not just a boy, you’re a provider in training. You’re told to be strong, to hustle, to make money. Crying? Off-limits. Resting? That’s for “soft men”.Feelings? Save them for your funeral. The motto is simple: Be a man, shut up, and pay the bills.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love my girlfriend and I love seeing her happy. Providing does give me pride, knowing I can take care of her and that she can rely on me. But let’s talk about the double standards.
If I give her money for her hair and pay her son’s school fees, I’m just doing my job. If my girlfriend pays for dinner at a restaurant on my birthday she gets a standing ovation, and an Instagram post with the caption, “He finally let me spoil him for once”. Really? I’ve been spoiling everyone since I was a teenager but nobody clapped for me.
And don’t even get me started on expenses. There’s this unspoken expectation that as a man, your wallet is supposed to be bottomless. You’re not just paying for yourself, you’re paying for everyone else, and you’re still expected to pay your rent.
Meanwhile, if a man dares complain, society looks at him sideways. “What yuh mean you tired? What yuh mean you broke? What yuh mean you want someone to take care of you?” It’s almost like your worth is measured by your ability to provide endlessly, while running on fumes and pretending you enjoy it.
People act like if a man shows the slightest sign of weakness, his man card gets revoked. You could literally be having a bad day, and someone will still hit you with, “But you’re the man, though. You’ll figure it out”.
What’s the point of being superman if you burn out before you hit 40? I want a culture where providing is about partnership, where yes, I’ll take care of you, but sometimes, you take care of me too. I’m not rejecting the whole “man provides” thing. It feels good to be reliable, to be strong, to be dependable. But I think we need to expand the definition. A man provides love. A man provides laughter. A man provides protection. And sometimes, a man provides the number to Domino’s, because tonight he just wants the woman to pay.
Jevaughnie Smith is a communications professional. Send feedback to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
