Before you marry that older man…
I’VE always preferred older men. They seemed much more mature and gave fewer headaches with certain things, but there are some things to consider before making a decision to tie the knot with an older man.
Love isn’t based on birth certificates — but marriage requires wisdom. What’s the cut-off age for you when it comes to choosing a partner? Many women are happily married to older men but others discover gaps, beyond age, that they didn’t anticipate. If you’re considering saying “yes”, to an older man, here are five realities to pray through and plan for, so your marriage is not just romantic — it’s sustainable.
Life stage differences are real — name them early
He may be thinking retirement while you’re thinking expansion. His children may be adults while you’re open to starting (or adding to) a family. Neither is wrong — but unspoken expectations become resentment. Have courageous, practical conversations about timelines, lifestyle, travel, relocation, and caregiving long before the wedding. Write down agreements. Peace loves clarity.
Health and energy are part of the equation
Age is not destiny, but it is a factor. Will your day-to-day pace match? Talk about exercise, diet, sleep, and medical history with the same honesty as finances. Ask: “How will we support one another’s health?” A shared wellness plan is an act of love. Remember: You’re marrying someone’s future, not just their present.
Money, assets, and legacy require clear boundaries
Older men often have longer financial histories — properties, businesses, dependents, or obligations from previous relationships. Transparency protects both of you. Get professional guidance on prenuptial agreements, estate planning, insurance, and wills. This is not unfaithful; it’s wise stewardship. If he resents clarity, that’s your red flag. A marriage built on trust can handle light.
Family dynamics will need grace and ground rules
Depending on how old your partner is, stepchildren may be close to your age. Extended family might still be adjusting to the new reality. Respect is non-negotiable, but so is your dignity. Establish boundaries: How holidays are shared, how family communicates concerns, and how the two of you present a united front. Don’t compete for position — stand in purpose. Over time, consistency and kindness speak louder than speculation.
Power, protection, and the pace of love
Sometimes the age gap comes with power imbalances — financial, social, or spiritual. A healthy husband uses influence to cover, not control. If your voice gets smaller as the relationship progresses, pause and re-evaluate. You should feel safer, wiser, and more yourself with him — not dimmed. Ephesians 5 says love sacrifices, serves, and lifts. Real headship looks like humility.
Practical discernment steps
•Get counselling early: do premarital sessions early. Use a qualified counsellor.
•Do a 90-day values audit: faith, finances, family, future. What aligns? What needs work?
•Build a shared calendar: energy, schedules, travel, commitments — does your life rhythm harmonise?
•Agree on conflict rules: no threats of leaving, no silent treatment, no triangulating family.
•Create a care plan: what happens during illness, job transition, or family emergencies?
Marrying an older man can be a beautiful, stabilising, purpose-filled covenant when two mature hearts choose truth over fantasy. Don’t rush to fit a picture; build a partnership. The right man — older or not — will honour your purpose, guard your peace, and walk with you at a pace that allows both of you to flourish. “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established” (Proverbs 24:3). Choose wisdom—and let love grow up strong.
Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, women’s resilience & leadership coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
MARIE BERBICK-BAILEY .
