Struggle love

IT’S the kind of love that will have you elbows deep in a plastic washtub, trying to scrub the dirt out of a man’s clothes, all while contemplating what you’ll make for dinner from the paltry offerings in the cupboard, because he didn’t get paid yet. Struggle love is what they call it, the kind of partnership that is filled with passion, but empty on financial resources.

“Some people will say that true relationships are bolstered when a couple builds together, but this isn’t necessarily true when there’s financial strife,” said counsellor David Anderson. “In fact, this only works when there’s little or no actual struggling, and when the ‘building’ doesn’t come with the trauma of poverty.”

He said many people have been in that situation though, especially for first loves, when passion is more important than providing, and when the veil of love masks the hunger pangs

It’s true, said the women below, who shared their struggle love stories.

Kym,33:

He used to ride his bicycle to come visit me, and I guess just the attention made me giddy. I was just 19 at the time, and he was the first guy to show me love. Soon, I moved in with him, his parents, and his eight siblings, because my parents said it was either play by their rules or ‘take man’, and I chose the man. Let’s just say it took me three years to come to my senses, but not before I was playing housewife to him and his family — washing, cooking and cleaning. Luckily I didn’t get pregnant and bring a child into that mess.

Andrene, 27:

I took out a high interest rate loan with one of those shady loan companies for him, so he could buy a taxi to support me and our child. He got the taxi, yes, but wasn’t bringing home any money, and I had to be doing people’s hair and nails to pay the bills, and he would come home with his empty pockets every night, expecting dinner, and I was still the one who paid back the entire loan.

Terika, 30:

He was proud of the way I could “hold it down” with little or nothing, and would brag to his family that I was a “true queen”, who supported his music career. I held it down because of my family’s support, to be honest, and I stayed because I believed in him. The amount of hunger I went through, and I was mawga, mawga. As soon as he got a ‘bus’, he was off with some groupies though.

Joette, 35:

We were young and struggling, and only surviving basically with help from his mom in England. I managed to finish school and he got promoted at work, but we still had things hard all the time, to the point where some nights there was no dinner, as he’d spend almost all he earned on gambling. When his mom passed he suggested that I ask my folks for help. I realised that he would always be looking for handouts, and so I got out of there.

Nita, 29:

I was doing the single mother thing with my daughters, when this mechanic entered our lives. I was doing fine by myself to be honest, but he came with promises, including offering to be a father figure. It only took some months for me to see that he was expecting me to pay all the bills, while he spent his money on God knows what. I kicked him out and continued my life with my kids, because if I was going to be broke, it’s better to be broke with them, and not with another mouth to feed too.