Weak men, jelly back men…
WHEN Jamaican minister Dr Petrova Davis preached on a Sunday morning back in 2023 that men shouldn’t be weak “jelly backs”, the phrase resonated with women who agreed that men should be the heads and not the tail, and that some of today’s men are lacking.
“Some of you, yuh wife rule you, she tell you when to stand up, when to sit down, when to go to bed, when to walk,” Davis preached, encouraging men that while she was not telling them to be aggressive, they shouldn’t be jelly backs — defined as a weak person who always gets stepped on.
“Man a man, man must stand up like man, man must act like man, man must behave like man, man must make decision like man,” she preached.
And naturally, the phrase took off, and has been used in contexts to describe situations where men have showed lack in their God-given duty to protect, provide, and be the headship.
“Weak, jelly back may be the more trendy definition of the plague that has befallen many of our communities, and though it may seem comical, it’s not funny at all,” said counsellor Gavin Gray.
“In fact, it depicts a shortcoming somewhere, where nowadays men are not being raised in the sense to be real men, as tradition would dictate.”
Ever met up on a man who shocked you with his inability to man up?
Jewel, 33:
Being married to him was like being in a relationship with a walking group chat. I’d say, ‘what should I make for dinner Sunday?’, and he’d say, ‘I should ask my mother what she’s cooking to see what I feel for’. He’d text her, wait for a response, and then still ask what I thought he should pick. This didn’t only apply to food. I’d ask him to fix something in the house or to buy something, and he wouldn’t, unless he consulted with his friends or family. It’s like he was paralysed to act, unless he got the go-ahead from someone else.
Taneisha, 40:
Ostrich man shuts down whenever hard conversations come up, and then goes outside and sends long voice messages to his family group chat, exposing all our personal business. Whenever we have issues with finances or anything else, he insists that everything is fine. Well, everything was not fine when he found himself in a bind a couple months ago, and I only found out when the bank e-mailed me saying the mortgage payment was overdue. He had been in financial hardship and stopped paying, and didn’t even tell me. My exhaustion with him has become a bigger issue than the original problems.
Tracy-Ann, 43:
We’ve been together 13 years, have three children, share a house, and every conversation about making things legal is met with “I’m not ready” or “I’m scared”. He’s 50 years old. The stagnation is annoying, because when will he grow up?
Moya, 28:
Whenever we have a disagreement he turns to his friends for their opinion first, and changes his stance based on what they think. Example, I said as the man, he should be taking charge more, and initially he said no, it’s 50-50. Then he asked his boys, and only then did he change his mind. I feel like I’m in a relationship with his high school class of 2011.
Jodian, 26:
He was recovering from a gambling habit, and said he wanted to stay at home with our child, and I said OK, because I didn’t want her in daycare and we could afford it with my income alone. Well, one day I was scrolling Tik Tok and his account came up as a suggestion because he is one of my phone contacts. He was posting blurred images of our child, saying that he was a single father and asking people to contribute to his GoFundMe. It was all a lie to get money to gamble.
