Matrimonial rapeSunday, August 09, 2020
Thou grant'st no time for charitable deeds,
Wrath, envy, treason,
Rape and murder's rages
Thy heinous hours wait on them
As their pages.
— Shakespeare, The Rape of Lucrece
RAPE is not a good thing and surely must rank as one of the worst ordeals that a woman can experience. And yet, rape is one of the more prevalent of crimes against women, with some men taking it to the lowest level of depravity by sexually abusing minors.
And I mean minors who are still in the single-digit years of their lives. But this is not about that sort of rape, for without question that crime should be condemned and the punishment should be severe.
Back in the old days, convicted rapists were flogged with a whip called the Cat-O-Nine because it was actually made of nine whips, joined together at the handle. Just picture holding an octopus by the head and flailing its tentacles as you beat someone with them.
Rapists were flogged as they went into prison and also at the end of their sentence. So the judge would declare at the sentencing, “Ten years and 40 lashes, 20 lashes in and 20 lashes out.” That was meant to be a deterrent that certainly worked, for no rapist would want to experience those lashes again.
Sure, some people would say that's barbaric, but so is rape. Nowadays criminals seem to have more human rights people defending them than victims. This is not about that however, but more about marital rape.
Yes, can a wife cry rape on her husband even though she promised to love, honour, and obey and give her body to him? We'll see, right after these quiet responses to 'Quiet desperation'.
David Thoreau believed that most men, the mass, led lives of quiet desperation. He must have been talking about himself, as he was a homebody who rarely travelled far from home, and apart from writing, did little work, had little drive and refused to work full-time in his father's manufacturing business. His friend Ralph Waldo Emerson thought that he had one flaw — a lack of ambition. Women, on the other hand, are quite vocal about their desperation.
The men who live lives of quiet desperation allow themselves to be cowed and bullied by women who somehow think that they're superior and constantly beat the men down. It's usually weak men who allow this though, for a strong man asserts himself and let's her know who's in charge. Quiet desperation indeed; that's for wimps.
When a couple gets married, both parties have to make sacrifices. They may not know it at the beginning, but after a while they'll quickly catch on. At least the man will, as he's in for a rude awakening. He learns to keep his mouth shut. Also, when a woman gets married, she turns over her life to that man.
Well, at least that's how it used to be back in the old days. The Bible states that a woman must submit to her husband when they get married. I remember the first time I heard a parson express those words at a wedding, the entire congregation jumped in shock. “Submit yourself to your husband, submit I say.”
But some men take this the wrong way and interpret it to mean that the wife must be subjugated by him, treated like a slave. In fact, marital submission is when a wife voluntarily and willingly chooses to submit herself under her husband's leadership and authority in their marital relationship, according to Corinthians in the Bible. 'The man is the head of a woman,' therefore the position of the husband as a leader is biblical.
Colossians 3:18 states, 'Wives, submit yourself to your husband, as is fitting by the Lord.' Submission by wives to husbands also appears in Ephesians and other books of the Bible. And therein lies the problem.
Modern-day women take umbrage with that whole concept of submission, and rightly so, for a wife is not a slave. But what happens when it comes to marital sex? Now, whether you want to admit it or not, or wish to hear it or not, the fact is, husbands tend to want more sex than wives do.
I'm not saying all, or justifying the reasons and rationale that they give, but I've done extensive research over the years and written about it many times. Does the term 'Lock shop' ring a bell? Yes, wives have been known to lock shop on their husbands for days, weeks, months, and even years.
So much so that countless jokes have been made about it, ranging from, “What's the best antidote for sex? Wedding cake.”
“When I was young a 12 pack of condoms lasted me two weeks, now I'm married they last me one year.”
I don't make these things up. I have never heard a man admit that his wife wants more sex than he does. Instead, it's always the same complaint, “Me nah get nutten.”
She may offer it up on her terms, when she feels like. Meanwhile, the husband lives in a state of sexually celibate limbo, horny as a ramgoat but not getting anything. So what does he do, take it by force, hold down and tek weh?
“Parson say that you must fulfill your marital obligations.”
Approximately 10-14 per cent of married women in the USA are raped by their husbands and about one-third of women report having unwanted sex with their husbands. I wonder how those statistics compare here?
Now, some women are at high risk of being raped by their husbands, and these include women married to domineering men who view them as property; women who are pregnant; women who are in physically violent relationships; women who are ill or recovering from surgery; women who are separated or divorced.
All those factors are egregious and terrible. But what happens when a perfectly healthy woman uses sex as a tool, a weapon, a carrot that she dangles before her husband, tempting and teasing him like King Tantalus used to torture his subjects?! Hence the word, tantalise.
Either that or she simply loses interest in having sex with her husband. Notice I said with her husband, for some of these wives lock shop on the husband but have open supermarket with another man.
What then should the man do? If he goes elsewhere she will resent it. So, he takes it by force and she cries rape. There is a great possibility that if marital rape is put into law, many husbands will end up in prison.
Even generally, rape is so difficult to prove as some 'victims' accuse men out of sheer spite and revenge. Marital rape will be even more difficult, especially if there is no violence involved. Women have been known to cry rape just to get back at men. Spite can be a dangerous motive.
Imagine making love to your wife and then you have a quarrel a few days after and she cries rape. It's been known to happen with single women who've been jilted, spurned or hurt by their boyfriends, so can you just imagine what some wives will do when armed with this ammunition?
Picture having a torrid honeymoon, falling off the bed, head banging on the floor, sweating like horses and then the wife crying rape because it was more than she expected?
“I tell you, Sharon, he was like an animal, I can't manage that on a regular basis. I going cry rape and dissolve the marriage.”
One more nail in the plyboard that locks shop on some husbands. But what happens when the tables are turned and the wife demands her pound of flesh and takes her husband against his will? Remember that not all rape is violent, as alcohol, drugs and other stuff can be used to get people to have sex.
Many years ago, playwright David Heron explored this topic in his play, Against His Will, so it is plausible. In the same way that women can cry rape long after the fact, even though they have no recollection of the incident, can a husband do the same?
“Your honour, she gave me a drink and the only thing I remember is waking up naked the next morning with evidence of sexual intercourse.”
It's a tough call that's very complicated, as a can of worms and Pandora's box can open up.
I'm pretty sure that somewhere down the line some wives may very well be joining the Me Too Movement and accuse their husbands of marital rape.
“Monday was consensual, but Tuesday was rape, Your honour. I wasn't in the mood on Tuesday.”
Don't be surprised if a waiver will soon be available for wives to sign to absolve husbands from marital rape. “I, Lokkie Shoppe, being of sound mind and body and not inebriated or drugged, agree to have sex with my husband on this day of August 2020, so help me God.”
Footnote: I am flabbergasted, upset, horrified and disgusted at the verdict handed down recently that a child can be barred from attending school because of her dreadlocks hairstyle. What country do we live in and what century? This is Jamaica, the home of Rastafari, Bob Marley and other icons, a country where others clamour to emulate us. Dreadlocks are permitted in schools and other institutions in the USA, Britain, France and other countries, and yet, here, the home of that cultural and artistic endeavour, disallows it. This is the era of Black Lives Matter, the era of black pride and justice, even endorsed by white people, and yet our own take this stance. What a backward step in Jamaica, which is 90 per cent black, out of many one people...except dreadlocks. I wonder what would happen if it was a white child with dreadlocks?