Adjusting after the wedding daySunday, October 25, 2020
FEW things boast the intimacy of human relationships as does a marriage. So close may this union become that a touch, look, or gesture may convey volumes to a partner.
However, it is true that few partners attain and maintain this desired state of happiness. In fact, after the sweet taste of honeymoon, some are plunged into the harsh reality of adjusting to the realities of marriage.
The wedding day can be a major expense on the pockets of couples. Some spend the little they have, or too much, on the day. The result: Some couples start living hand to mouth right after the event. This can cause much anxiety and insecurity for a couple such as the woman, for the most part, not getting the security she expected, and the man feeling inadequate for not being able to provide such.
Budget! Remember, failing to plan may mean planning to fail. Keep expenses at a minimum; COVID-19 may allow this. Start your marriage off with income in hand and on hand, which should be a buffer for unforeseen circumstances.
Women are more sensitive beings, generally. Men may tend to internalise feelings and women may want to verbalise them. Husbands, try to talk to your wife often and speak to her feelings, especially in the early, uncertain days of marriage. Communication may fill the gap and provide great reassurance. Have extended talks, and though some may be uncomfortable, maintain them with respect.
Marriage can be hard to adjust to, especially if both parties work full-time.
A wife may want the husband to share in the housework while some men believe this is solely the woman's job. And, after a taxing day at work, men are in no mood to do housework. So a call from the wife to help with housework may be resisted, especially if relaxing and watching sport.
Husbands, you are to love your wives as you love yourself, and this will motivate you to have a share in housework and rid yourself of foolish street talk that a man should not share in housework. Even this can be an opportunity to bond, to show that you love and care for her.
Two people become one in marriage. However, this is easier said than done.
We make mistakes and are different. Couples will rub each other the wrong way but is your house one with a lot of quarrelling? If so, this is a sure recipe for a disastrous marriage.
Quarrels happen. Never, though, should they dominate the marriage. Try to see eye to eye and, sometimes, one has to be willing to yield.
Is the matter so serious that one party cannot yield? Can you agree and empathise or give a calm answer when your mate's anger flares? After all, it takes two to quarrel. Don't be the one to make the two quarrel. Also, be one when you discipline children as this may have a negative influence on them, which may result in them using it against you, the parents.
A marriage is said to be the union of two happy and loving forgivers. This is especially required in the early stages of the union.
Can you overlook the failings of your mate, realising that you have your weak areas, too? If we take a minute to think, sometimes the things we carry over are not all that detrimental.
The early stages of marriage are most delicate. To reach the later stages, remember to budget, talk, share, unite, and forgive.
Warrick Lattibeaudiere, PhD, a minister of religion for the past 23 years, lectures full-time in the School of Humanities and Social Sciences at the University of Technology, Jamaica, where he is also director of the Language, Teaching and Research Centre. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org
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