THE role of parenthood is very vital in the life of any society. However, our society made little preparation for this over the years, consequently many of our children are fatherless, there is a break down in family values and our society is ultimately being destroyed.

The Bible teaches in the Book of Proverbs, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6).

From this passage, the strong implications of two ingredients come through; (i) a definite way to train a child; and, (ii) the fact that if properly done, the child’s later maturing process will demonstrate the years of effort and input of the parent in a productive life style, one that the parent can be reasonably proud of.

Strong parenting is the key to our society, especially at a time when youth from Jamaica’s inner city are stigmatised as gangsters and non-achievers, and parents are not taking the time to instil good values which are known to be valuable to our nation-building. Parents must lead by example and children will ultimately follow the path being laid down. However, there are times when children stray from what is being taught in the home, but they will return to the roots of what they have been taught.

Parents at one time or another will implement different styles of parenting for their children. Now there are three basic styles of parenting but each parent tends to rely on one approach:

The first style of parenting uses reward and punishment to enforce requests. Children are given detailed instructions and expected to follow them. There is little or no room for the child to creatively solve problems or disagree with parents instructions. Research shows that children brought up in these families seldom thrive. Either their spirits are broken and they give up or more often, they rebel. This rebellion usually happens during the teenage years, when the child has developed enough power to fight back. Because the autocratic style has been typical for many generations, teenage rebellion has become accepted as normal. This is a mistake because teenagers do not have to rebel to become independent.

The next style allows the child to do their own thing. In these households there is little respect for order and routine. Few limits are placed on anyone’s freedom. Some of the main consequences for children raised within this style are that they do not learn that there are boundaries or limits on their behaviour, they do not develop respect for the rights of others, and may feel insecure. They have almost no sense of belonging. Since they have not learned to cooperate and compromise, they are often difficult to live with. These youths have difficulty adjusting when the world outside the family begins imposing rules on their behaviour.

The third style of parenting is a middle ground between the first two as mentioned above. This parent is the leader who sets standards for a child’s behaviour, monitors and gently but firmly enforces these limits, encourages co-operation and stimulates learning. When this happens the child learns to take more and more responsibility. As they grow older the parent gradually releases the limits. Eventually as a young adult, they seem able to be independent. Research shows that this parenting style produces a number of desirable qualities within children. Some of these include positive self-concept, honesty, responsibility, compassion, problem-solving skills, self-control and acceptance of self and others. A parenting style that is based on common sense and full of practical, do-able strategies to support parents raising great children and enjoying the process is respecting the democratic parenting method that is being used for many years.

Inadequate and ineffective parenthood represents a serious liability to social order and future development. It is recognised worldwide that appropriate parenthood practices are essential to facilitating holistic child development. Effective parenting is particularly beneficial to children in ‘at risk’ situations and is an important factor in mitigating the devastating effects of poverty. There is also a strong correlation between effective parenthood and children’s cognitive academic and behavioural development.

It is obvious that some of our ‘parents’ are not doing much in instilling proper values and morals in our young ones, hence the quandary we now face in this society. I strongly believe that the time is right for the leaders of our land to start imposing more stringent measures on who should be having children, as well as the number of children some people should be having. Too many of our parents have proven ‘unfit’ over the years, while the results of their ‘ineffective’ parenthood continue to burden society.

Lack of proper parenthood will have grave implications in the society, the girl or boy of today will be the man and woman of tomorrow, and only what is instilled in them from childhood to their teenage years will steer them to a productive and effective adult. Proper ethical values and morals in the home established by parents will play a vital role in whatever they venture out to do as career opportunities. The way a child is taught to conduct him or herself in the home will play out when that child enters in to ‘big ocean’ – the world of work and further into raising their own families.

Spending time with children is a positive for proper parenthood. By doing so parents would not miss out on opportunities to provide guidance to their child/children, showing love and affection.

The church community also has a pivotal role to play in parenthood and should let its presence be felt in every area of family life.

Contributed by Vinnette Pitter, Ministry of Education Youth & Culture