Shyness is an emotion that affects how a person feels and behaves around others, and can mean feeling uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or insecure. People who feel shy sometimes notice physical sensations like blushing or feeling speechless, shaky, or breathless.

According to Child and Adolescent Psychologist Dr D’Arcy Lyness, Shyness is partly a result of genes a person has inherited. It’s also influenced by behaviours and life experiences.

New and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings, like the first day of school, meeting someone new, or speaking in front of a group. Many TEENs are more likely to feel shy when they’re not sure how to act or how others will react, when all eyes are on them. People are less likely to feel shy in situations where they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, or are among familiar people.

Here are some tips for overcoming shy feelings:

1 Start small with people you know: Practice social behaviours, like eye contact, confident body language, introductions, small talk, asking questions, and invitations with the people you feel most comfortable around. Smile and build your confidence this way, then branch out to do this with new friends.

2 Think of some conversation starters: Often, the hardest part of talking to someone new is getting started. Think of conversation openers, like introducing yourself ‘Hi, I’m Pam; we’re in the same English class’. Give a compliment, ‘That jacket looks great on you’, or ask a question, ‘Do you know when our report is due?’ Being ready with a conversation starter makes it easier to approach someone.

3 Rehearse what to say: When you’re ready to try something you’ve been avoiding because of shyness, like a phone call or a conversation, write down what you want to say beforehand. Rehearse it out loud, maybe even in front of the mirror, and then just do it. Don’t worry if it’s not exactly like you practiced or if it’s not perfect. Be proud that you gave it a try. Next time, it’ll be even better because it will be easier.

4 Give yourself a chance: Find group activity where you can be with people who share your interests. Give yourself a chance to practice socialising with these new people, and get to know them slowly. People who are shy often worry about failing, or how others will judge them. Worries and feelings like these can keep you from trying. If self-criticism happens to you, ask yourself whether you’d be this critical of your best friend. Chances are you’d be much more accepting, so treat yourself like your own best friend. Encourage yourself instead of expecting to fail.

5 Develop your assertiveness: Because shy people can be overly concerned with other peoples’ reactions, they don’t want to rock the boat. That doesn’t mean they’re wimpy or cowardly, but it can mean they are less likely to be assertive. Being assertive means speaking up for yourself when you should, asking for what you want or need, or telling other people when they’re stepping on your toes.

By changing your mindset and applying some practical principles, you will be able to rid yourself of shyness and also become a more confident and effective communicator. You will not only speak to new people without problems, but also be able to keep conversations rolling without any awkwardness. The more you practice, the easier it will become.

– Gavin Plowright