The ancient saying

Is no heresy,

Hanging and wiving,

Go by destiny.

— Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice II, 9

What a cynical and cruel thing to say about that most noble of institutions, marriage. And yet, we have a saying here that goes: “If you born to hang, you can’t drown.” Destiny dictates

our lives.

But why is marriage called an institution when other noted institutions are prisons, asylums, sanitariums and places of safety? What devilishly impish, diabolical knave dared to class marriage alongside those places that house vagabonds, cut-throats, thieves, murderers and madmen? Is there some link, and are persons who are institutionalised cut from the same cloth and belong in the same place as married people?

So which institution do you belong to, General Penitentiary, Bellevue or Marriage? It does seem odd that marriage would be deemed an institution and that people would readily enter it with free will. It smacks of irony, which I’ll explore right after this feedback to ‘Shopkeepers’ and ‘Man Abroad but Boy at Yard’.

Hello,

If you study the differences between the male and female brain, you will find that for women, sex takes place in the brain, then in the body. For men it is mostly a physical reaction, although their state of mind is a factor. If a woman is not feeling secure, comfortable, excited and appreciated, she will not be inclined to ‘let off’. Many men believe that no matter how they behave or treat their woman, that they should get sex. What they need to get is a clue. Now, I am not condoning the practice of withholding sex in every situation, I am simply asking you and other men to try to understand how a woman’s brain works. If you do, then she may be more inclined to keep the shop open.

McKay

Hey Teerob,

My wife, my wife, my wife, everything my wife. I have a friend who does the same thing morning, noon and night. He has to ask his wife if he can go to his friend’s house to play a game of dominoes, and if she says no, he calls his pals and tells them that his head is hurting. Sometimes I have to say to him, “Listen man, you are a big man and must act like one.” All the money is in her account and he has to ask her for his own money if he wants to buy anything. They’re not poor and live in an upscale community, but he is acting like a little two-year-old boy being told what to do and what not to do. When she travels he is the happiest man until she returns. I am so sorry for him.

John

Some would say that it serves them right eh, after all, no one forced them to be institutionalised. Now don’t get me wrong, I am by no means against marriage, as I have also once entered that institution early on in my life. There’s that word again, institution. But the more and more that I look around me and listen to people as they talk about their experiences, I really have

to wonder.

My most recent episode happened just last week when I met up with a young lady whom I hadn’t seen since her wedding three years ago. “So how is married life treating you and how is hubby… how many years is it now?” I cheerfully asked. Well, her response was far from cheerful as she replied, “Three loooong years… well… I’m surviving… and he’s there… I guess we’re okay.”

Not the words I expected to hear from a newly wed, someone who just turned 30 and barely married three years. “To tell the truth, this marriage thing is like work, and every day you have to work at it to make it work,” she continued. The word ‘work’ seems to dominate as opposed to pleasure or fun. That, I have heard before, but what she said afterwards kind of rocked me off my kilter, shifted my axis.

In reference to the whole lock-shop thing and how wives love to practise it, making husbands complain that for months and even two years or more their wives refuse them sex, she casually said. “Oh, I can identify with that… if I don’t have sex again ever, I could easily live with that.” This from a 30-year-old who’s barely married three years. I had to sit down to hear more of this fascinating saga.

She continued to say that she never initiates sex, and to take it even further, she rarely lets her husband see her naked. “Why, because you had two babies and are afraid that you aren’t as ‘hot’ as you used to be?” I naturally asked. “Oh no, not at all. I don’t let him see me nude because I don’t want him to be turned on and pressure me for sex,” she said.

So gentlemen, take heed, that is the reason why your wives wear more clothes to bed than a homeless bag lady. It’s not because of the cold nights, but because of the chill in the room that emanates from her… if you catch my drift. I’ll always remember the words to this song, ‘The coldest time of my life was that summer I spent with you.’ Nuff man getting the cold shoulder and no warmth at all.

“So what of his needs?” I asked.

“Oh, he can go get it elsewhere, as long as he doesn’t become emotionally attached and also does not bring home any evidence either, such as reeking of perfume or lipstick on his collar.” A parole, a reprieve, a pardon, a gate pass, a visa from the institution. But conditions apply.

What is interesting is that his male married friends will phone him, begging him to create an excuse so that they can leave the house… even on Christmas Eve, she said. But in her case, she welcomed it when he went out, as it gave her peace and time to be by herself. This need for space is a common cry of those who are institutionalised. And yet the marriage is strong, she says, and the love is still there. She admitted, though, that things were better when they were both living together, for according to her, “Marriage changes things.”

What could change, though? What could be so different about living together for three years, than being married for three years? It’s a mystery. Or is it? The experts say that it’s no mystery, for marriage is an institution, and when you enter any institution, it won’t change, but you will. ‘Tis a pity. Is it any wonder then, that there is this proliferation of massage parlours in our society? All of a sudden our men have discovered the benefits and joys of visiting massage parlours, all advertised as having sexy, sensuous, young, hot, healthy body girls to give your body the ultimate pleasure. Not one word about well-trained practitioners.

To have your body massaged must be a wonderful experience, and it’s no mystery that most of the clients are married men. Clearly, single men have no need to be massaged. Just look at the ads in the papers, “Sensuous massages”; “Young hot girls for your pleasure”; “You come to us or we come to you”; “New girls every month”; “Let her fingers do the walking all over your body”; “Beyond Paradise”; “Erotic Massage”. Not one word about the medical benefits of massages, but instead, luring men who are institutionalised to have a few moments of freedom, a furlough to frolic, have some fun with no emotional attachment. Perhaps it’s a way for men to stay in the institution, yet get the satisfaction with no fear of commitment from the parole officer, ergo, the masseuse.

But all is not lost, for some people still love to be institutionalised, and others even keep going back for more. There is some degree of recidivism. I know of couples, barely in their 40s, who’ve been married three times each… repeat offenders to the institution. I even have a friend who lives in the USA who has gone that route five times. He just loves it, so what can I say?

We do know that some men love prison so much that they keep on going back. It takes all sorts to make up this world and people are indeed strange, but who are we to judge?! Every day I think that I’ve heard it all, but my chat with my young friend was most revealing and educational. I wonder how many more like her exist?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Switching gears to cars now. The media can be so powerful and can impact on us without us even being aware of it. We are all influenced by what we read, see or hear. A case in point is the Toyota car recall. You’d think that it was the first recall in the history of cars. And yet, over the years, GM, Chrysler, Ford and others have all had massive recalls for some reason or the other. Just last week I saw reports on European TV that GM recalled 1.3 million cars for power-steering defects, and yet it wasn’t big in the mainstream media. Last week also, our own local press reported that Daihatsu, Suzuki, Nissan and Hyundai had massive worldwide recalls. All this you won’t see splashed in the broad world media, but it’s reported nevertheless. The media is powerful and can create or slant. That’s why we must read extensively and not just from one source. I believe in balance… research… reading… and Google, for

the facts.