My soul hath her content,

So absolute,

That not another comfort

Like to this succeeds.

— Shakespeare, Othello II, 1

HOW many men can boast that they keep their women so contented that no other comfort can succeed? It’s a tall task, for we do know how difficult, nigh impossible, it is to completely satisfy a woman and keep her contented. Even so, nothing beats a trial but a failure, and perhaps if more men really tried, they would at least keep their women in some level of satisfaction.

That’s what they tell me. Instead, many men complain that after a while, the women just let themselves go and become unattractive, making them lose interest. Well, the truth is, men do let themselves go too, and women do want to maintain an interest in them, but this can prove difficult, as we’ll see right after these responses.

Tony,

You’ve written about marriage from a totally male point of view, which is a shame. Women also fear many of the same things that men fear, ie what if it goes wrong? How will I pay all those bills and manage the kids? What if I get bored with looking at the same face every morning and every night and get stuck into a routine? As for sex with the same person forever, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing, it can be an opportunity to learn to spice things up and really use your imagination. You also develop an intimacy and closeness over the years that just isn’t there with a string of new partners. Your article was humorous but a little worrying. It’s not all bad, Tony…honest.

Joy

UK

Hi Teerob,

Relationships, my my. The woman is always supposed to be all dolled up and dressed in lingerie each evening with a warm bath set, a meal, a spic and span house, and I suppose rose petals from door to room, even if she has children. Poor women. Don’t men think that they let themselves go after marriage too? Look at the paunch, the oral hygiene is now postponed, toes become smelly…so we are nagging if we push for hygiene. Hello! We also see other attractive men too, we also get offers out there too! So okay, he wants to be in a relationship without commitment…I wonder how he will react when he is coming in and ‘my Boom’ is going out? Men cannot take what they want to give. Write something about “What men need to do to keep their women attracted,” for a change. We need a break, we need to start loving ourselves.

Merdella

Well, that last letter certainly piqued my interest, and spurred me to action, so I had to go and find out what it takes for a man to keep his woman attracted to him after many years. True, it is a fact that most men place the onus on women to keep being attractive to them, even as they let themselves go, with beer belly and smelly breath as the lady wrote in the letter above.

Even though historically it’s men who take care of women, and ‘mind’ them as the saying goes, it’s usually the woman who tries to maintain looking good. But still the men complain and keep on saying that as soon as the women get married, they let themselves go, get fat, get boring, get miserable, get turned off. That’s when the men step out and find somebody who will hold their interest.

But guess what, the women say that they need to be kept interested too, and that they’re tired of the men complaining about how much they have changed, when they themselves fail to look in the mirror. “He has a nerve telling me that I’ve gotten fat, when he has gained 60 pounds over the last 10 years. Look at his gut, plus his shirt collar can’t even button because of his fat neck,” this lady said of her hubby.

That’s so true, for I have heard husbands complain that their wives have put on weight, yet when you look at them, they’re as huge as walruses. Before you see the mote in my eye, take the beam out of yours first, says the Bible. Some of these husbands have an entire sycamore tree in their eyes, and simply fail to see their own huge flaws even as they criticise their wives.

What disgusts some women too, and makes them lose interest, is the indolence, the lethargy, the laziness, the sloth-like behaviour that their husbands exhibit after a few years of marriage. “He used to be so active, toned and athletic. Now all he does is lie on the couch and let the TV watch him. How can I be attracted to that?”

Many women keep active, and even if they don’t go to the gym, they’re involved in all sorts of activities that keep their blood circulating and their sweat glands moving. And yet, the man is in permanent repose on the couch watching sports. And you know what that leads to next? As sure as night follows day, this lethargy leads to a loss of libido. Yes, scientists have proven that men who are less active physically are also less active sexually. That’s basic common sense to me and doesn’t take any scientific evaluation to prove that point. After all, if you are physically fit, then all your appetites will be open, and that’s why athletes are so highly sexed.

This sad fact bothers some women, and as a result, they lose interest in the man, who then turns around and complains that his wife has lost all sexual interest in him. But who can blame her, for it’s almost impossible to be sexually attracted to a man who resembles a beached whale and is as active as a lump of lard.

As for the hygiene, some men do take it to the limit and stop taking care of themselves as soon as they get married. They stop shaving regularly, they don’t shower before bedtime anymore, they pass gas whenever and wherever they feel like, and brushing of their teeth or rinsing with mouthwash is a rarity…and yet they expect their wives to be attracted to them and welcome them with open arms whenever they make an advance. “His armpits smell, his breath reeks of his lunch, he breaks wind like a hog on a farm…and then he expects me to make love to him!” Hey, could this be the reason why so many wives refuse to make love to their husbands, and instead concoct countless excuses why they can’t?

So instead of hurting his feelings and telling him that he’s a big turnoff, she just makes up a story. Now I get it, every story has two sides, huh. Ironically, this is what many women use to catch their cheating husbands, for when he does start to take interest in his personal hygiene, suddenly starts to smell fresh with mint-flavoured breath and awash with cologne, plus showers every night before bedtime, then she knows that something is up. “So who is she, what’s her name?”

Another way to keep a woman interested is to keep on talking to her and keep her in good humour. Even Shakespeare said so in As You Like It, “Come woo me, come woo me, for I am in a holiday humour and like enough to consent.” So many men stop paying their women any compliments and stop talking to them. She will spend hours and dollars doing her hair, yet he doesn’t say a word about it. She will dress to the nines, yet it’s as if she’s wearing a crocus bag and flip-flops as far as he’s concerned. A woman could be 90 years old, she still cares about her appearance and wants to be told how nice she looks. And yet many men cease doing this, not realising that it drives one more nail in the coffin that holds the corpse of no interest.

Then there is the question of respect, or lack of it, for if a woman loses respect for her husband, then her interest flies through the window, and with it, her sexual interest too. So many husbands have also lost their power base, abdicated their role as the man of the house, gave it up to their wives who now rule the roost, and then wonder why the woman has lost interest in them. It’s a simple formula really, but one which many husbands fail to grasp.

Just look and see who women are attracted to, men who are strong, forthright, decisive, powerful. No woman leaves a strong man for a weak man. But one sure way to pique your woman’s interest is to start showing interest in another woman. Suddenly she realises that someone else wants you, desires you, needs you. After years of lost interest, she will suddenly perk up and find him attractive again. But I won’t go there right now, that’s for another day.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I’m currently working on a video documentary, sponsored by the Kiwanis Club with research by Environmental Solutions, that examines the impact of the environment on our school-age children. The research was most revealing, as it showed how the smog that envelops our urban areas, the lead from discarded motor vehicle batteries and from peeling paint, plus the wanton burning of garbage in close proximity to schools, and constant high noise levels, adversely affect the children, resulting in high rates of asthma and other respiratory ailments and, eventually, a high level of absenteeism. We often aren’t even aware of these issues, but they are real, and are affecting our children in a negative way, including their ability to learn. It’s a cold, hard truth which has to be addressed. Every breath we take is important to our bodies, and our children have a right to a clean environment.