Where the offence is,

Let the great axe fall.

— Shakespeare, Hamlet IV, 5

AND few offences are greater than the act of rape. Yes, rape, which is the great fear of most women… and men too, who sometimes fall prey to this dastardly deed. There is nothing funny about rape, nothing to laugh about, no witty comments to make, and even though the above quote calls for the great axe to fall for the offence, it seems that society has softened its stance for the perpetrator of this heinous crime.

Yes, there was a time when rapists were flogged with the cat-ó-nine or the tamarind switch at the beginning and the end of their prison sentence, but that practice has been discontinued for being too severe a punishment. What of the victim, was not her ordeal severe? This we shall examine, right after these responses to ‘Women hate sex, but love affection.’

Hi Teerob,

Women indeed hide their true feelings about sex until they get married. But could it be that instead of a natural disdain for sex, they are actually taught? A mother can, by subtle or overt ways, instill in her daughter any or all of her prejudices. Think back to the Victorian times, and even to this day some women still play by the same script. When the husband comes home from the pub all liquored up and randy, the wife sighs, and in allowing him to ‘have his way’, closes her eyes and thinks of England.

Charles

Tel Aviv, Israel

Good day, Mr Robinson,

Your article has shed some light on a few things for me, and I thank you for that. I have often wondered why females would go to extreme lengths to acquire a man, but once they tie the knot, she abruptly makes a 360 degree change of attitude. Well, I am a young female who is currently in a relationship with a wonderful man whom I can never see myself not wanting to make love to. I am so turned on by him. Indeed I do love affection, but I do love sex too. If you love the person, you should be sexually attracted to that person. I have a friend who hates sex with her boyfriend and the poor man hardly gets any, but I also have friends who love sex, not seeing it as a duty, but as an important factor in the relationship. Still, there are men who take sex to a different level, like the man who had sex with his wife to the point of nearly hospitalising her. But in a normal, healthy relationship, sex shouldn’t be seen as a duty, but as an expression of love.

Oretha

Teerob,

Did you see this letter in the doctor’s advice column last week? It read, “I am a 21-year-old woman. I don’t have any sexual desire, no matter how I try, I just can’t get turned on. My boyfriend is very romantic, but he is not aware of my situation. I’m tired of pretending. Can you help me?” See Teerob, what you say is true and your point is valid. I pity any man who has a woman like that.

Howard

Now rape is not about sex, but more about power, and is perhaps the most terrible and humiliating act that you can subject someone to. This topic was discussed on FAME FM’s Uncensored radio programme two Mondays ago, and some of the panellists were actual rape victims who spoke candidly of their ordeal. Many were emotionally scarred for life.

Although many people still think of rape as just the sex act, it’s much more than that. In many cases the violence that accompanies rape is most brutal, leaving the victim in a state of physical and emotional shock. And the sad irony is, statistics have shown that most victims of rape know their assailant.

Yes, in many cases it’s a relative, an uncle, cousin, brother, friend and neighbour or even father, a current or past boyfriend, or that guy who took her out on that first date who does the deed. Of course, there are cases of those serial rapists who prey on hapless victims at random, but in the main, the victim knows her attacker.

This young lady on the radio programme discussed how this guy took her out on a date and slipped one of those ‘date rape’ drugs in her drink then had his way with her. She said that throughout the ordeal, she was conscious and aware of what was happening, but could not do a thing to thwart the act. She was powerless. She continued, “If anyone saw me, they would think that I was drunk, but it was the drug that made me appear that way.”

So ladies, you have to be extra careful where you leave your drinks, for those date rape drugs are very real, and are being used by men who want to have their way against your will. You’d be surprised at who uses them too. Trust no one. Then there was this other lady who was raped on her birthday as she prepared to go out, leaving her with a birthday memory that she’ll never forget. “Now every time my birthday comes around I relive that awful experience,” she said. In her case, her then boyfriend actually accused her of staging the entire episode. He’s now her ex, of course. Sometimes people look for a reason and can’t face the facts of the crime.

That’s another thing that victims are often subjected to, they are blamed for being raped. This is not new, for in some Middle Eastern countries, the rape victim is often stoned, banished or even killed, for ‘bringing shame’ to the family. These ‘honour killings’ are often carried out by the victim’s father or brother. Here in the West, that’s not done, but victims are sometimes put through such an ordeal afterwards that they wish that they had died.

Many are accused of dressing too scantily, thereby enticing and encouraging the perpetrator to carry out his act. But nuns wearing habits have been raped too, and homeless, mentally retarded women, dirty, smelly and unappealing to normal people, have also been raped.

One lady on the programme described how after her ordeal, people kept asking her, “So what were you wearing, did you lead him on, are you sure you said ‘no’ strongly enough?” The fact is, women should be able to dress as they please, and ‘No’ means ‘No’. That being said, though, women should not place themselves in positions of vulnerability and then bawl afterwards when something happens. It’s quite foolhardy to walk down the street with money hanging out of your pockets and then cry when you get robbed. Similarly, one should not venture into a room stark naked, if it’s full of horny men.

The truth is, some women, either through naiveté, carelessness or inexperience, place themselves in harm’s way and then wonder why bad things happen to them. There was this case of this girl who showed up at a man’s apartment in the dead of night, after 1:00 am, dressed in a see-through blouse and tight shorts, armed with a bottle of wine and indulged in heavy petting with the man. After a while she wanted to stop, but many men have no brakes, and he forced himself on her. She cried rape, and it is, but it sure is a difficult call.

This other lady let this guy into her house way past midnight, ‘to talk’, and he begged her for sex for over five hours. Fortunately he didn’t rape her, but after the first two minutes of begging, she should have put him out and not let the situation get too hot and heavy. Sometimes both parties go out to a function, get drunk, come home, fall asleep on the couch, and the girl discovers next morning that sex took place. She then cries rape. Some women do lead men on, but still it’s rape, and rape is a crime… but you have to wonder sometimes what their motive is.

Then there is the question of being falsely accused. Yes, some women do lie on men, knowing that it’s difficult to prove otherwise. Some use it as revenge, to get even with a lover, boyfriend or even an ex-husband. So you have to be careful with judgement, both with the victim and with the accused.

What I found odd, is the fact that rape is condoned in the Bible in many areas, and there are chapters that encourage armies to plunder lands and take virgins and wives captive. For example, Deuteronomy 21:10-14 “When you go to war against your enemies and the LORD, Your God, delivers them into your hand, so that you take captives, if you see a comely woman among the captives and become so enamoured of her that you wish to have her as a wife, you may take her home to your house.”

I’d like an expert in theology to explain that to me, please. Still, to this day, it is the mandate of conquering armies to rape the women of the invaded land. Remember, it’s not about sex, but about power and subjugation of the victims. I even saw where in some parts of Africa, old women are raped because it’s believed that’s a cure for AIDS. And we all know about the belief of ‘sex with a young virgin to cure VD’ too. Young includes infants. It’s an act so terrible, that many women, and men, would rather die than be raped.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Now, crime exists everywhere to varying degrees, but we must be the only country in the world that glorifies crime and has this morbid fascination with its statistics. We even had a daily murder tally on the front page of one newspaper. What does this achieve, but to fuel fear in everyone and send a message of hopelessness? It’s like focusing on how many days you have left alive rather than living for the days you have now. USA, Britain, South Africa, Brazil, Barbados, Trinidad and many other countries have crime, and bad crime too, yet I do not see them plastering their statistics every day or night in their media. Yet we glorify and revel in ours, calling it news. It’s one aspect of news, yes, but not all the news. There are other positive things to report. I’m not saying that we should not report crime, but just not give it so much priority. Some sick criminals may even use it as a benchmark, a bar, to surpass every day and keep the tally climbing. What we need is hope, not hopelessness.