The full sum of me…

Is an unlesson’d girl, unschool’d, unpractised;

Happy in this, she is not yet so old…

But she may learn.

— Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice III, 2

AN unlessoned girl, unschooled and unpractised indeed… until she learns. And yes, she will learn, and learn well too. And who better to teach her than her mother, the font of all the knowledge that is necessary to make a whole woman.

Yes, the very same way that teachers guide and prepare our youth for the world, mothers also hand down their wisdom to their daughters, for the way of the woman is cunning, smart, intelligent, beguiling. And truth be told, one of the greatest tricks of women is letting men think that men are smarter than them.

Many tricks of the trade still hold true even to this day, and even now modern science is proving that almost all of those proverbial old wives’ tales have a great element of truth in them. If they were not true, then they would not have endured the test of time. We’ll explore some of this advice right after some feedback to ‘Real men indeed’.

Tony,

That ‘Real men’ column would be funny if it never had so much sad truth to it. Real men are a dying breed and what we have in their place is a bunch of weak, soppy, whimpering cross-dressing un-men who would never have survived in the harsh world of our parents and grandparents. Even the criminals nowadays aren’t real men as they travel in packs to prey on innocent victims. I saw two men fighting on the TV news and I had to laugh out loud. They fought like sissies. No wonder they have to resort to knives and guns.

Tricia

Teerob,

There are no real men left and I put the blame squarely on absent fathers and even more on stifling mothers who think that their sons can do no wrong and should not be in need of anything. Even when the sons do wrong and abuse women, the mothers defend them and blame the victims of the abuse. If anybody sees a real man out there, please let me know, for as far as I’m concerned, that breed is extinct.

Elizabeth

Teerob,

Your footnote said: “Many middle and upper-class people are still unaware of the plight of poor people, broad-brush them as one and refuse to hear or acknowledge what they have to say.” Yeah Teerob, they are wilfully unaware. Jamaica is too small a country for anyone to be ignorant of the fact that many of our fellow citizens live lives of quiet desperation.

Tyrone ( UK )

Sometimes it irks me and also amuses me when I write stuff and people have a knee-jerk reaction to it, uttering comments like, “Nonsense, that could never be the case,” or “I really don’t know who you speak to or where you get your facts.” People are so trapped by their own insular reality that they cannot imagine the possibilities of a world outside of their own.

It was George Bernard Shaw who said, “Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature.” This only makes me research even more, to broaden your horizons and enlighten you, and recently I came across some advice given by mothers to daughters, specifically written by Mrs Ruth Smythers, beloved wife of the reverend LD Smythers, pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Conference.

It was published in the Spiritual Guidance Press, New York, in 1894. As you can imagine, it appears to be official, educated, if not officious, and meant to teach young brides how to be… well, proper wives. It starts out: “To the sensitive young woman who has the proper upbringing, the wedding day is ironically, both the happiest and the most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the centre of attraction… securing a man to provide for all her needs. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time, the terrible experience of sex.”

Should I at this point say, “I told you so?” Should I now make reference to my columns that showed why so many women really hate sex, but merely tolerate it, or use it as a tool to trap, ensnare, grab and hold men, plus dangle it as a reward or yank it as punishment? Now we can see the genesis of this condition that many wives are afflicted with, as it has been handed down through the centuries, originated and perpetuated by esteemed wives who drilled it into women, that sex is not to be enjoyed, but only to be endured.

People are conditioned by both environment and by genetic information passed down. So if women were told that sex was terrible and only to be endured, then it simply had to be absorbed by the conscious and the subconscious. This is one old wives’ tale that stuck, and this is why many new wives can do without sex, or simply see it as a means to an end to keep their husbands in check.

Talk to any married man and hear his tale of woe. Men were not conditioned that way, men do not deprive their women of sex… women deprive men of sex, and that’s an irrefutable fact.

There’s more from the sage advice from 1894, given by an old wife. To wit: “One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage, could become an orgy of sexual lust.”

Now, you may say, “But that was 1894, women have changed since then.” Hahahahahaha. That was the response from many husbands who laughed even as they wept at the same time. Read those words that are in caps again, and tell me truthfully that they don’t sum up the attitude of many wives towards their husbands nowadays.

Well, I showed that paragraph to some husbands, and the common cry was, “My God, is my wife she writing about!” Wives have also told me in confidence that they purposely withhold sex from their husbands in order to keep them on a tight leash, and not make them get tired of them. And yet, when I write it, women get on my case and say that, “Nutten don’t go so.”

True, there are some wives who may have had a strong sexual appetite, but that was quickly nipped in the bud by the advice from the old wife and her tale who said: “Let me concede one shocking truth, some women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride.” Do you see the damage that these old wives’ tales can do? No wonder so many marriages exist in a sexual neverland, with the wife always saying ‘never’ when the husband asks ‘when’.

Many wives do not have to endure a sexual drought like men do, as they don’t even miss any period of inactivity. If they do happen to take notice, it’s only because they may wonder where the man is getting it if he’s not getting it from her. “Is five months now me nuh give him any “sort out”, I wonder where him getting it from?”

Here’s more from the old wives’ tale: “On the other hand, the bride’s terror need not be extreme. While sex is at its best revolting and at worst rather painful, it has to be endured, and is compensated for by the monogamous home, and by the children produced through it.” Old wives’ tales endure the test of time, and are lived by new wives. But it was when I showed them the following section that the husbands’ mouths went agape.

“Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences during the first months of marriage. As time goes by, she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness and headaches are among the wife’s best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding and bickering also prove very effective. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage, to once a month by the fifth year and by the tenth year, terminate any sexual contacts with the husband.”

From 1894 to 2010, this still holds true for many wives whom I just happen to know… and you know them too. When it’s mentioned, they bring forth a plethora of reasons why the sex has dwindled until it ground to a complete stop. Some even blamed the husbands for not wanting them any more, but the men simply replied, “I just got tired of always having to beg her. How could I continue to want someone who doesn’t want me?”

So old wives, new wives, future wives, all have one thing in common, they are products of the even older wives, the organisers of the blueprints of future marriages, the step-by-step manual of how not to enjoy sex with your husband. And many live by it, even joining the church to escape it. Old wives’ tales…

they rock.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Crime is a beast that can be curtailed, but the people have to have the will to do so. The security forces alone cannot do it, but social intervention is essential. And don’t believe the naysayers, it can be done. New York City was a crime-ridden hell hole until Mayor Giuliani along with social reform and the will of the people, turned it around. Colombia, known for its horrific crime rate, has managed to cut it by more than half, using good policing, community intervention and social interaction. And we’re talking about Colombia, with a capital C… Cartels… Cocaine… Crime. China has many times the population of the USA, yet has a fraction of the crime. Community policing again. So it can be done, but we all have to possess the collective will to do it. Every single one of us has to play a part.