A harmless,

Necessary cat.

Shakespeare,

The Merchant of Venice IV, 1

MAYBE you won’t grasp the gist of the above quote until after you have finished reading this week’s piece. After which, you should read the quote again and see the error of the words, which should be changed to harmful, instead of harmless. Now if you’re squeamish, prudish, hypocritical, or belong to the moral minority, read no further, for this week we delve into hitherto uncharted territory…that of the vagina. Yes, call it what you may, it’s steeped in mysticism and taboo, and many adults avoid talking about it to their children. But hear this now, scientists and child psychologists have recommended that children from as young as age five should be exposed to sex education. So raise your eyebrows if you will, but it’s to the detriment and educational retardation of you and your children if you don’t fall in step with the modern world and open your eyes to education. The Vagina Monologues, that’s our topic today, right after these letters.

Teerob,

Your article about Marriage Laws was completely incredible. Listen man, people need to realise that marriage is no joke, as it can be very difficult. There is no absolutism or dictatorship in marriage. I think that everything has to be a concerted effort on the part of both parties. I think that the problem in Jamaica is that there is too much religiosity attached to marriage. In America, marriage is either a business or for tax benefits, case in point is marriage for Green Card. Yeah, I know it sounds more like a treaty or trade agreement, but with all seriousness, I think that marriage is hindered by the monetary aspect of things.

K Williams, New York, NY

Teerob,

I think you missed the one that is perhaps the most comprehensive of marriage laws to be presented as an edict: “I am right and you are wrong, unless you agree with me, and then you may be still wrong.” My first wife waited five years before actually issuing that decree…although she held me accountable for violations of that law during the years preceding the decree.

R Wilson,

Woodland Trace Boerne, Texas

Tony,

Hey, very interesting reading regarding marriage laws. Here we are, 43 years down the track and still no law in sight. Our magic word is COMPROMISE…yep, you’ve got it, hubby does the compromising and it works just fine.

Barbara…(and Dean), New South Wales, Australia

Now to The Vagina Monologues, which was actually a play written by Eve Ensler and which played at the Westside Theatre, off Broadway. The author says, “I was worried about vaginas. I was worried about what we think about vaginas, and even more worried that we don’t think about them…so I decided to talk to women about their vaginas, to do vagina interviews, which became vagina monologues. I talked with over 200 women. I talked to old, young women, married women, single women, lesbians, college professors, actors, corporate executives…” This lady did what many were afraid to do for centuries, she went public with the vagina, as social mores and taboos deemed this subject unfit for general consumption. Instead, people would prefer that their children grow up in ignorance, and be exposed to street education or mis-education, which can be downright dangerous and can open them up to abuse by their elders, peers, relatives, and also exposure to sexual problems and diseases. Remember, it is recommended that children as early as five years old be exposed to sex education for their own protection. Instead, there are people who still prefer to bury their heads in the sand and won’t even call it by its real name. The author continues: “There is so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them, like the Bermuda Triangle…nobody ever reports back from there. Here are some names given to it…pussycat, pookie, toadie, nishi, powderbox, derriere, poochie, poonani, pichi, dignity…” See how evasive some people can be?

Call it what you may, the vagina has played a most powerful role, if not the most powerful role in the history of mankind. After all, it’s where we all come from, one way or another. And even if the baby was delivered by C- section, it was conceived via that organ. It is loved and yet feared by men, and the only men who have an understanding, appreciation and respect for the vagina are gynaecologists. As my friend always said, they work where other men play. Truth be told, this fear of the vagina leads to all sorts of problems with men, including erectile dysfunction, premature this and that and even sexual abuse. Most men don’t even know what it looks like, neither do they care, as they’re more interested in texture, feel…perhaps taste, rather than its artistic form. Men would rather not see it, but they sure pursue it like there’s no tomorrow. But it is powerful, and women know this. The theme of using it to punish men by deprivation is legendary, but women have also confessed to giving it up to other men as a means of revenge. Many women have expressed, “I was so angry at him, that I gave it to his best friend, just to get even…for revenge.” As you can see, when a man gets involved with a woman, he somehow thinks that her vagina belongs to him, and only he must venture there. That belief only makes the woman more powerful, as nothing hurts a man more than having another man drive his car without his permission.

Foolishly, some men take the vagina by force. The Bureau of Justice has statistics that state that a woman is raped every three minutes in the USA. Campus Outreach Services report that every 21 hours, there is a rape on college campuses in the USA. Startling reports, but the consequences can be dire for encroaching on the vagina, even though countries may differ. Morocco’s penal code states that murder, injury and beating are excusable if they are committed by a husband on his wife (as well as the accomplice) if he catches them in adultery. So the punishment is severe as long as the vagina is involved. Let’s take it closer home. If your woman has a close male friend with whom she spends a lot of time, but you are dead sure, for certain, that there is no vagina play involved (maybe he’s gay or impotent…remember that kings had eunuchs who lived in their harems) then most likely you wouldn’t care too much. But as soon as there is the vagina monologue, or dialogue, or banter, then the whole scenario is changed.

The plain truth is, from a moral, social and legal standpoint, there is no sex crime unless the vagina comes into play. No marriage is legal without the vagina monologue, neither can a person be charged with rape. Sexual harassment yes, but not rape. That’s why men of yesteryear devised chastity belts for their women to wear while they were off on long trips. “Oh, she can chat and play with whoever she wants, but I have the keys to her vagina.” Modern-day men have different ‘keys,’ but the principle remains the same. Needless to say, this didn’t prevent women from having dialogue or monologue, for where there’s a will there’s a way. Our call-in shows and advice columns are full of queries from women who are concerned about that organ. Many are worried about its size after childbirth, saying that their husbands complain. The doctors recommend a simple surgical procedure. A few months ago there was a concoction being sold in the underground markets that guaranteed bringing back the structure to its original form. Other letters to the advice columns express worries about all sorts of maladies and ailments, and some wonder if they may have picked up something after having a brief fling behind hubby’s back. Most are afraid to confide in even close friends or family, for the vagina monologues do not include dialogue. Instead, they prefer the anonymity of the newspaper advice columns, so taboo is that subject…even now.

The Vagina Monologues have been performed globally and have been used by many organisations to stop violence against women. But taboos still exist in some quarters, and people still treat it with an air of mystery, if not disdain. It’s a wise mother who educates her daughter about the vagina, and it’s a smart father who educates his son about not only its pleasure, but the potential inherent dangers that it may bring. The days of hushed whispers should be long gone, and with the Internet just a click away, children are now more exposed than ever…to everything. The Vagina Monologues speak loud and clear, and I hope that you are listening. Women have it, men will always seek it, sometimes with desperation, giving up everything to get it.

What is ironic is that Jamaican men curse by using the various slangs associated with the vagina, and that is sad. Maybe some expert psychologist could explain why. I respect the author of The Vagina Monologues for her bravery in bringing this sensitive subject to light. It’s a subject that’s dear to my heart. Oh, by the way, read that quote at the top again and see if the word harmless should not be changed to harmful. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: A reader responded to my footnote about the dangers of pit bulls, saying, “I was pleased to read your article about these dangerous dogs. A member of my family had a pit bull to breed for profit and left it in my care. I was not comfortable with it as I have small children, and since I was travelling I called the local police for advice. They told me that the dog was dangerous but that they could do nothing. I called CDA (Child Development Agency) who promised to visit my home and assess the animal, but that did not happen. What was amazing was that I could not get anyone official to go and deal with the dog. Instead, I was left with a wait-and-see situation that could easily have turned into a fatal disaster.” It’s been said that pit bulls are just accidents waiting to happen. JSPCA, over to you.