In faith, he is a worthy gentleman,

Exceedingly well read…valiant as a lion,

And wondrous affable.

Shakespeare, 1 Henry IV, III,1

And women do love gentlemen, right? The world simply adores men of good breeding, well read, brave and affable, and who know exactly how to treat women…right? Sadly that is not always the case, for many women are simply not attracted to gentlemen, and indeed may even view them as being weak. But there was a time when a gentleman was all the rage, and one who would attract all the ladies of worth. So what do women really want of the modern-day man, and what should a man do to have and to hold the ladies of his dreams? Apart from money, there are other lures, so do not despair, for there are tips for men as you’ll see right after these choice words from readers.

Hey Tony,

Some older women may make poor choices in their men, but not all of us. Many have the handle on things and there are a lot of us out there. When I turned 45, my girlfriends and I decided to do something special, so we saved for it and went to Wimbledon last year. It was the best two weeks of our lives and our credit cards skyrocketed, but it was worth it. I only wish some women would realise, before it is too late, that you really do not need a man to complete your life.

Karen

Hi Teerob,

There is a lot of truth in what you say: women do make a LOT of demands on the kind of men they want, almost like they should be custom-made and dropped from above. But men do look for certain things too and have what you may call “expectations.” Whether we are male or female, I think we all expect our significant other to be faithful most of all. I think that one requirement would top most people’s priorities.

Christine

Hail up Tony,

I was a little put off when I saw that you used Steve Harvey’s book as your reference, as I read it a few months ago. I found it humorous, but apart from that, it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I always practise the 90-day rule before sex. Works for me! But it’s too simplistic in its thinking. He lists some questions that we should ask men, but isn’t it a little naïve of him to assume that the man will give true and honest answers as opposed to telling the women what they want to hear, just to get them into bed? There is no simple way, no formula, and we each have to navigate this minefield of relationships using our wits and common sense. Frankly, I prefer your advice over Steve Harvey’s.

Arlene

Well, Steve Harvey had his book advising women what to do when dealing with men. Act like a lady, think like a man indeed. After reading it, many women then thought that they had the handle on men and how they think. But not all women, as many try to figure out the game on their own. As one woman said, “It’s like learning to swim from a book and then diving into the sea.” There are so many books, magazines, articles, columns and TV shows advising women how to deal with men. Are men so difficult, so conniving, so deceptive, so cunning, so cruel, so complex, that women need all this advice to deal with them? What about men, how do they deal with the complexities of women? Who tells them what steps to take and what formula to follow when dealing with the fairer sex? After all, few things are as complex as a woman, and their mood swings, foibles and personality changes are legendary. Experts blame it on PMS, time of month, post-coitial depression, post-maternal depression or just plain miserable. Still, many men have had a great success rate with the ladies, while others continue to strike out, make strokeless ducks and can’t even get to first base with the ugliest chick on the block. As some men say of those guys, “Him so salt, he couldn’t even get laid in a brothel.” And don’t believe that dashing good looks alone will guarantee success either, for many handsome, well built guys still can’t reach anywhere with women, while other men have great success with the damsels. I don’t think that Henry Miller, who wrote “My Life and Times,” where he chronicled his numerous sexual conquests, was a particularly handsome or well endowed man. History has documented this. But he was a happy camper, for he had the secret. In fact people used to marvel when they saw him and men were furious. “My word, don’t tell me that he’s the man who bedded all those women…what’s his secret?!”

Victoria has her secret, so Victor should have his secret too. But if you really look at it closely, it’s not a secret after all, but basic common courtesies. The first tip is to show interest. That’s right, show great interest in a woman and pander to her self-interest and see how she reacts. We all know that women cannot exist in a world without mirrors, so you be her mirror, reflect all the good things that she wants to see and echo the sounds that she wants to hear about herself. When you’re out on that first date, make sure that you focus all your attention on her and not on you. So many stupid men make the mistake of letting their ego fuel their mouth and they spend the evening talking only about themselves. “Oh, I have this high-powered job and I have to travel all the time, and I earn a lot but sometimes it’s not worth it, and I’m worth more, and I just bought a Benz but may change it soon, and…” That may impress a certain type of woman, but not a real quality woman, and you’ll never see her again. Instead, show interest in her, let the sun, moon and stars shine their light on and revolve around her. Ask her about her life, her job, her interests, her hobbies, but don’t get too inquisitive and personal. Keep your line of questioning general and she will feel special, telling her friends afterwards what a wonderful listener and conversationalist you are. Of course you are, after all, you spent the entire evening showing interest in her favourite subject…her. “Sheree, can you believe it, he wanted to know so much about me, and all now he hasn’t mentioned anything about himself…I guess I’ll find out next time.” See, next time.

Another tip is, do not spend time putting down past girlfriends and whining how lousy past relationships were. Nothing turns off a woman (or man too) than to hear someone talk about all their past relationships in a negative way. Pretty soon it may make you think, “Soon I will be on his list of lousy women too.” So many men do that, thinking that by putting down the past, it will elevate the present. “I tell you, they were all crazy, possessive, miserable, jealous, controlling, unfaithful, lie and tief.” The fact is, HE is the common denominator, and it’s hardly likely that ALL the women he’s encountered had such awful qualities. Do not do it, for all she will think is, “No wonder him nuh have nuh woman.”

Learn to apologise, that’s a huge tip which so many men fail to grasp. The fact is, men are always doing something to tick women off, so whether you think you’re right or wrong….learn to apologise. Now don’t go overboard with it and spend the entire evening apologising for your existence, as that comes across as being weak and snivelling. “Oh I’m so sorry that I arrived late, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t find the place, and I’m sorry that I chose this restaurant and I’m sorry that you didn’t like the movie…I’m so so sorry.” She’ll agree in her mind and think, “You are a sorry sort, just take your sorry ass home to your mother.” Man up. If you really did something wrong, then by all means apologise, but do it once and leave it there. Don’t let it go on and on like a constant stream of sorry syrup. Women like strength, and to apologise is manly, but just once and move on.

Now if by chance you go to her place, help her with her chores. Women love that sort of thing, and if she cooks and starts to tidy up after, offer to help out. Even if you hate it and never washed a dish in your life, make the effort. More than likely she’ll say, “It’s okay, I can manage, just watch some TV until I finish.” But you will have risen in her eyes.

Good grooming is another tip that men should follow. I am so appalled to see beautiful women, dressed to impress, out with some guy who’s clad in knee-length shorts, tee shirt and flip-flops.Some guys even show up on first dates dressed like that. Then they wonder why they can’t get a second date with a quality woman. “He thought his fancy car was enough to impress me, but his lack of grooming was such a turn- off.”

Never ever bring up sex, and if she does, do not place too much emphasis on it. Tell her that it’s the person who is important, and getting to know her is your top priority. Even if she brings it up again, it’s really a trap to see where your mind is, so move away from it and ask about her family instead.

These are only a few basic tips to succeed with women. If you talk to all the men who triumph in this area, they will agree. And I don’t mean men who snare women with money either. It’s by no means a comprehensive documentation of tips, as there are others that can be added, but these are just the basics. It’s no mystery why some broke-ass ugly men always end up with a bevy of beauties, while some well-off handsome guys can only land ladies for hire or gold-diggers after their cash. It’s all in the tips. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: We must be proud in spite of what problems we may have. I am tired of hearing how wonderful Singapore is and how we should be like that country and blah blah blah. What works for Singapore is great for them, but it’s theirs, not ours. Most of us could not live under the strict regime of that country, where you can’t speak out freely against the authorities;suffer severe punishment for even littering or chewing gum in public. Do you remember that American guy who was whipped for spray- painting a car and building? I have friends in Singapore and the tales they tell make me shudder. It’s like living in an Orwellian book, where big brother is always watching you. Could you live like that? It works for them, and that’s great, but we are Jamaicans, with our own identity. The irony is, the whole world wants to be like us, yet so many of us look to foreign countries for salvation.