“Christmas a come mi want mi lama, Christmas a come mi want mi lama”, is a song most of us can only sing in our minds, not out loud, because we know that “not a shirt on mi back, not a shoes on mi foot, not a dollar in mi hand” will remain a reality way into next year. But we can still hum it in we head can’t we? Truth be told, it look like is me alone having low-budget Christmas this year based on the way the plazas and thoroughfares busy with happy Jamaican shoppers. Not just window shopping, oh no, them laden down with bag and box of all sorts of unnecessary items that will be placed by the recipients high up on shelves or in backs of closets never to be seen in 2011. What a delightful bunch of people we are.

Thank God me practice giving small meaningful gifts to friends and loved ones all year long, so come Christmas morning I can focus on the real reason for the season, giving love to each other and fellowshipping with my family. A little phone credit, a pick up or a drop off, some grocery, at varying points thru the year means I don’t have to endure the long lines and the crowds on the malls come Christmas.

The real people will understand that Santa is not coming to my part of town. Firstly, I have no chimney and the poor reindeer would have to compete with the concrete blocks that hold down the zinc roof sheets, so that never did a go work. Secondly, the lane not wide enough to accommodate Santa sleigh, so me just clean it up and white wash the tires that contain my attempts at tree planting on the sidewalk this past Labour Day. Besides, if a big fat white man with a bag a toys enters my community after hours; him wouldn’t make it pass gate one with a single present remaining. And look out the following morning you would see a toys stall set up at somebody’s gate with all of St Nick’s items on sale. I have no fully decorated, well-lit Christmas tree — How come? No sir, I’ll just get dressed every evening and go to the plazas or the parks and drive by the ‘free’ light display. As for the big spread with ham, turkey and all these delicious things, me just have my big whole chicken a season from last week ready to go to stove top. Borrow little gungo rice and peas and a bottle a sorrel that draw from last year from momma and I’m good to go. As for the big galas some people will be attending as is customary at this time of year, me just a wait for the sound to string up somewhere in my community at any of the annual street dances and find a corner and skank until Babylon come lock it off.

But fun and joke aside. With how the economy set up, some of these big fancy all-inclusive and ultra-inclusive parties might not fare so well, cause money tight a yard and abroad. Years ago I proposed that I might just keep Jamaica’s first ever ‘non-inclusive’ party. Cover charge $4,500.00. Music will be by the blazing FAME 95Fm. When commercials and news a read, you can have conversation with you friends, go bathroom etc until the music start back. Drinks included: if by drinks you mean pipe water, all other beverages at a cost of only three bills. Food is included: if you take it with you. I will cook it and serve it back to you at a small fee of fifty dollars. The setting wouldn’t be complete without a detox bar readily available. Just step behind the zinc fence and one man with a piece a four by four will beat you until you good and sober again. This service is free. Security…..bring your own!!!

The more me think about it, the better it starts sound, so me a go get busy right now and get my markers and start make some fliers. Please have a wonderful, holy and meaningful Christmas. Spare a thought and prayer for the less fortunate. Bless up yuhself! elvachatalot@yahoo.com or a Twitter follow @ElvaJamaica