How shall I be revenged on him?

I think the best way were

To entertain him with hope,

Til’ the wicked fire of lust

Have melted him in his own grease.

— Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor 11, 1

ENTERTAIN him with hope, then let the wicked fire of lust melt him in his own grease. He has no hope, not a chance of a snowball in hell, as the saying goes. He will never get to her, never taste her sweet lips, not even get a chance to hold her hand. And that’s the fate that many men suffer, as they never stand a chance with some women.

The reasons may be varied, and she will justify her actions, but the result is the poor guy doesn’t have a chance to get to know her. Yes, women have proven to be selective, choosy, picky, snobbish, pinchy-coby, as they decide who they want and who they don’t want. Many times they don’t even know who they want, but they know for sure who they don’t want.

“Listen, I don’t really know who my Mr Right or Prince Charming is, but I certainly know that he’s not you.” Boof! It’s really sad when a woman will pass you over and choose to live alone rather than be with you. Men have had to deal with rejection from women for centuries, and if the man isn’t a person of means, and can virtually ‘buy’ himself a woman of his choice, then his corner is dark, for women of substance do not want just any and everybody, and if the man isn’t up to scratch, then he doesn’t have a chance with her. That’s a scenario that we’ll explore right after these letters.

Hey Tony,

Continue blessing the Sunday Observer with your columns, though there are times when the content may not be very “blessing” material. Re your footnote, I agree with you. As much as your personal views tend to come out a LOT in your columns, all these years of writing could not have been about you. There are times I wonder HOW you keep coming up with all these different topics all the time for all these years. I liked your line a few weeks ago about a man being up for a rude awakening when his woman was neither ‘awake’ nor ‘rude’ in the bedroom. Made me LOL.

Christine Ade-Gold

Hi Tony,

I just completed reading your article on ‘Secret Lives’, and the one that comes to mind is that of the late Charles Kuralt. I enjoyed his Sunday TV programmes regarding the natural beauty he found in people, nooks and crannies in the USA that he discovered. This secret life would have continued, had he not passed away. This folksy “on the road” correspondent spent years exploring America’s out-of- the-way places in search of oddball stories. But the best story may have been the one he never told. For 29 years until his death in 1997, he apparently kept a mistress and maintained a second family. He was in effect, husband and father to them, as well as breadwinner, friend and hero. While his wife remained at home in New York City, he nurtured his secret life along a rushing stream in Montana. None of this would have come out, however, until his death, when his mistress sued to get a Montana retreat he promised her. Secret life, indeed.

Flavia Gordon

At least he, and other men like him, had what it takes to attract women, to have and to hold them, and make them want him. Perhaps all they wanted was what he had, for let’s face it, women will choose a man of means over a man who only means well but has not even a dollar to his name, any day.

Many women don’t like to hear this truth, but while I don’t make the rules; I only have to live by them. All this came about as I was speaking to a young lady who took a trip on a private bus recently. She’s very attractive, so upon reaching the destination, the driver decided to not only engage her in conversation, but to put an engagement ring argument to her, if you catch my drift.

He was not at all engaging. Isn’t it amazing how that one word ‘engage’ can have so many meanings? She’s a single woman, so when I suggested that she should have given him a chance to hone his lyrics on her, she quickly shot down my attempt at humour with a quick retort, “Say what, a bus driver… a bus driver must put argument to me and I must take him on?”

I then teased her more by asking what was wrong with a bus driver, after all, isn’t a man earning an honest living allowed some happiness with a beautiful woman, too? To which she replied, “Well he can earn it and be with somebody else, but certainly not with me.”

I then teased her more by asking what was wrong with a bus driver, after all, isn’t a man earning an honest living allowed some happiness with a beautiful woman, too? To which she replied, “Well he can earn it and be with somebody else, but certainly not with me.”

I knew when to quit, so I dropped the subject. But that is the view shared by many women, even though they lament how there’s a shortage, a dearth, a scarcity, a paucity of men… all fancy words depicting that men are scarce and that they can’t find a man… a good man they say. But hold on to your horses, and the men who rode in on them: men are not scarce, as the Statistical Institute has shown. But for some reason, many women only look for a certain type of man, and sadly, bus drivers, taxi men, truck drivers, garbage men, fish vendors and cesspool workers just do not make the cut.

When I ask them what’s wrong with these men, they get personal and ask me, “If your daughter brought home a cesspool truck driver, how would you feel?”

“Yes, after you spend money to send your daughter to university and she start to date a garbage man or bus driver, would you like it?” I don’t know why these women like to get personal when I try to make a point. Their argument is that these men haven’t got the intellect to participate in meaningful conversation when they’re at social gatherings. “Imagine me and my bus driver husband at the governor general’s ball at King’s House? Hello… I don’t think so.”

But apart from finances (for no woman wants a ‘bruk’ pocket man) and intellectual incompatibility, there are other men who have no chance with certain women. I know one lady in particular who swears that she would never go out with a divorced man. The irony was not lost on me, for she had a child when she was 16 years old, and had never been married, yet she shuns divorced men like they were pariahs of the earth. There’s something to be said about the saying in the Bible about taking the beam out of your eye before you take the speck out of other people’s eye.

Then, for some reason, short men hardly seem to get a break, a fact verified a few weeks ago when this informal newspaper poll was taken among women who all opted for a tall man over a short man. Although a few did say, “I don’t mind short man for short man tear up bedsheet” Whatever that means. The reality is, the measure of greatness is not found on a yardstick, but many women do not care, and give no chance to a man with whom they literaly can’t see eye to eye. “After me nuh want me pickney fi come out short and tumpa,” I’ve heard them say. As for ugly men… forget it! Not a chance… unless he’s rich.

It’s a sad fact of life that women are so much more selective than men, and that’s why many of them would rather be with a married man than be with a man of their own, all because, in her eyes, the single, available man is beneath her station, but the married man isn’t. I know of many women who have never had a man since I’ve known them, yet they criticise and shoot down any advances that certain men have made towards them over the years. “He had a nerve, calling to me and asking me out. Why would HE think that I would go out with HIM?” Now they are alone, over the hill, and not even the garbage man or truck driver would even look at them.

But still they scoff and turn up their noses at certain men. I call it the tip of the pyramid, for that’s where all the eligible men are, the lawyers, doctors, politicians, businessmen, bankers, wheelers and dealers, movers and shakers. As they look further down the pyramid where it gets wider, there are more men, but although the quantity may increase, the quality decreases in direct proportion.

As a result, some men simply do not have a chance with these women. But are these women wrong? Are they class bigots because they look for a certain type of man? Are they being unfair to the blue-collar worker, even though they can’t collar a man of their own? The working man who drives a bus or a taxi, has he no chance? Or should these women not strive for a lofty ideal — a man who can step side by side with them as they climb the social ladder?

Isn’t there something in the Bible about being unequally yoked, so should you really blame these women for not giving these men a chance? It’s a tough call, and I suppose you don’t really know how you’d feel until your daughter who’s just completed her MBA comes home with her fiancé who drives the bus on campus.

Not a chance in Hell you say? More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: You know that I love the theatre and the people in it. Well, Dahlia Harris has really come of age with her play Judgement. She wrote it, directed it, produced it and stars in it. Quite a daunting task, but she succeeds admirably. The play was on tour in Jamaica and is now the USA, where it plays to packed houses. It really makes me proud to see our people make such a mark on the world stage.

Still on theatre, sadly Karl Binger passed away recently. Karl was an accomplished actor, starring in pantomimes, stage and television dramas, movies, among other things, and was on the verge of restoring Hope Gardens before his passing. We have worked together and also used to have wonderful chats. He was such a kind and gentle man and will be missed by all whose lives he touched.