What danger will it be to us,

Maids as we are,

To travel forth so far!

Beauty provoketh thieves,

Sooner than gold.

— Shakespeare, As You Like It 1,3

DO you see what beauty does? It provokes thieves even more than gold does, it makes men bum-rush pretty women, it makes old men do desperate things, driven by lust as a hungry lion is attracted to a plump warthog.

Ah, this attraction that drives us crazy with desire, but is so essential for our very survival. But what is attraction, and what makes one person attractive to another but repulsive to the next? It’s all relative and not absolute, for one man’s meat is another man’s poison, and what looks good to you may certainly not be appealing to me.

That’s why we have so many colours to choose from, but none is better than the other. At times though, it boggles the mind when we see what some people find attractive, making us exclaim, “Look at him, fat, cross-eyed, bow-legged and ugly… what could she see in him?” Or, “My my, he could certainly do better than that, going out with that ugly woman.”

But the fact is, Mother Nature is kind and just, even if she does have a great sense of humour, for if all of us were attracted to only one type of person, then many folks would get left out in the cold. Amorous attraction, that’s what we’ll explore today, right after these letters in response to “Tricks of the trade”.

Hi Tony,

Women and men get involved in relationships for different reasons. Some women are profilers, so they date someone who seems to be well off. Others may be attracted to a man who looks good in their eyes. Men basically are attracted to women who may be physically rounded, and they go after sex.

I have known of instances where both the male and females are controlling, both under bondage. But everyone is different. I believe that eventually the men and women will each meet their match, although it may take a while. I like to know the truth up front, then I will decide.

Some women are also controlling, and think that what they say is law. This turns off men. Still, both men and women can trick each other, but the women are the better tricksters.

Simone Hamilton

Hey Teerob,

Many tricks and plenty trade, but who’s tricking who? Everyone gets tricked, but the great trickster does such a good job that the person being tricked doesn’t even know it.

Many husbands were tricked into marriage and continue to live a life of bliss, not knowing that they were duped. And many women have been tricked by the promise of money and a good life, only to end up in abject misery with a lying broke pocket man.

They say that romance is a game, and the one who is the better con artist will win in the end. It’s all tricks, my brother, and anyone who thinks otherwise is only hiding his head in the sand. Some of us love to get tricked though, the same way some people love to be scared in horror movies.

Leighton

Attraction is what keeps us going, makes us buy something new, choose a car, a house, even buy a magazine or look at a newspaper. It makes us watch the news on TV and that’s why TV presenters have to look attractive. Like it or not, attraction rules.

So why should choosing a mate be any different? It’s the attraction that starts us on the journey of romance. In reality, no one goes out and buys a car, no matter how great the engine is, if the body does not look good. Just take the grille off a car and see how pop-down it looks. Advertisers know this, as packaging counts for a great portion of the cost of most goods that we buy.

Open a bag of chips and you’ll see how little product is inside. Is so-so pretty bag yu buying. Yet, we continue to buy, for attraction is critical to any purchase. We should be aware of its power. But what is it within us that makes one person attractive to us but downright repugnant to someone else? Is it genetic, our environment, our socialisation? Could be.

But how do you explain siblings who have the same parents, share the same environment and history, being attracted to different types of people? Some guys are attracted to slim women, others to fat…er, make that ‘fluffy’ women, while some men will go gaga over a woman who has a face that would scare a pit bull. It’s a mystery, and yet it’s a wonderful balance that keeps mankind on an even keel, and many people happy.

Many of us are judgemental when we look at other people, because we believe that what we think is attractive should be the norm. Remember the saying, “Pity the fool, he thinks that his customs are the laws of nature.” If we were to go to some hidden, remote part of the world where primitive tribes still exist, and the village chief offered up his daughter’s hand in marriage, we might run screaming in horror. All because what we deem attractive is a far cry from the standards of the village.

And yet, that same chief would perhaps find our Miss World or Miss Universe ugly and repugnant. Speaking of, do you think that there will ever be a Pygmy or Masai, or Innuit (Eskimo) Miss World? I don’t think so, and yet those women are attractive to their men. Without this attraction there is no romance, for before any hanky panky can commence, we must first see what we like and like what we see.

Even I fall into that category, I must confess, for very often I will look at a couple and have to do a double take. “My word, what a mismatch, a comedy of errors… what is that macho, seemingly good-looking, handsome man doing with that ugly woman?” But to him, she is a beauty, and you can’t tell him otherwise. Truth be told, maybe she is, too. Who am I to determine what beauty is?

Sadly, usually when it’s the other way around and we see a beautiful woman out with a pig-faced man, we usually judge and say, “Oh, she’s with him for his money.” Yeah, right, say that you don’t think that. Even though it may be true in some cases, it’s not so in all, and she may very well be in love with him for who he is, warts and all.

Still, up to this day, a question haunts me from my childhood and I recall asking my parents, “Why did the beautiful Jackie Kennedy marry Aristotle Onassis?” Maybe I was too young to see the big picture. But attraction is vital to our makeup and to our very existence, for without it, there is no romance, and with no romance, no reproduction.

The stark reality is, if we are not attracted to someone, then the hormonal juices will not flow, and if they do not flow, then nothing is going to happen. It’s a physical law and, to take it further, this attraction must be maintained, or there’ll be trouble in the camp. If the man married a slim woman and then she got fat, count on problems, for the attraction is gone and all the love in the world might not fix it. It’s different if he married her fat, for that was the attraction.

People who know me, know what type of woman I’m attracted to, so if, Heaven forbid, I was accused of sexual harassment by a woman and she didn’t fit the mould, my mould, as my friends like to say, then chances are those charges would not stick. All this would hinge on my friends, associates and co-workers giving character evidence on my behalf. “Your honour, I have known this man for 20 years, and no possible way would he have made any advances towards that woman… she’s just not his type.” Whew, saved by the laws of amorous attraction.

See, that word ‘type’ is so important, as we all are attracted to a certain type of person. Not only that, but even the body parts of the person are of utmost importance in this amorous attraction. Some men are attracted to women like they’re buying KFC. “Oh, I’m a breast man.”

“No sah, give me leg and thigh anytime.”

“Oonoo can gwaan, is rump roast I like.”

As for nice feet on a woman, they are a turn on to so many men. I know, I know, it sounds crude, but it’s a reality that we have to live with, for attraction is very real, and it’s what gets many women into the car, out to dinner, into the bed and into matrimony. And what is not natural can be created, for if the woman knows that a certain man loves long… make that ‘tall’ hair, then she’s going to get her weave on, and flash it in his face to attract him.

And if he loves long lashes, then she’ll get those too, and if he likes an enormous gluteus maximus, then she’ll buy the artificial bums and stuff them into her jeans. We’ve heard of self-made men, but there are self-made women too.

Still, attraction remains a mystery, but what is true is that it cannot be faked. Either you look at someone and your heart skips a beat, or you look and you want to beat it and skip town. That’s why I don’t believe in blind dates or setting up relationships. Let me see what I’m getting into before I make a move.

I know so many men who fell in love with women’s voices on the phone, or even letters over the Internet, and when they finally meet, it’s a different story… a horror story. The worst thing that you can do is try to fake it, for it will only end in disaster. Imagine being involved with someone you’re not attracted to, but just being there for some other reason? No wonder many women from some cultures would rather kill themselves than be a part of an arranged marriage. “I would rather die than be with that old, repugnant, disgusting man.” Charity romance does not work.

Happily, nature is a great equaliser and the good Lord made us all different. I know of men who only date homely women, and in my youth I used to wonder why. Now I think differently, for they saw beauty where others could not. Remember, it’s just the package, and we have no control over who we’re attracted to.

Amorous attraction is a law of nature, and we have no say in the matter. Beauty is only skin deep, they say. Love is blind, they say. What do you say?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Speaking of attraction, I am still amazed, appalled and apoplectic at how many of our boys are turning into girls as far as their dress code goes. I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve had to look twice to see if it’s a young woman or a young man. He has on makeup, sculpted eyebrows, false eyelashes, lip gloss, braided hair, floral blouse and skin-tight jeans, and flip flops on his feet. And no, he’s not gay, for he’s out with a woman.

But when did our men become so girly-girly, and why? By the way, I see where our TV and cable TV presenters are looking much better as far as make-up application is concerned. I’m not taking any credit because I mentioned it a few weeks ago, as it could merely be a coincidence, but the make-up has been toned down and looking better.