My friends praise me and make an ass of me;

Now my foes tell me plainly that I am an ass.

So that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends I am abused.

— Shakespeare, Twelfth Night V, 1

EVERYONE calls him an ass; his friends, his foes, and all inbetween. They all abuse him… and what will illicit abuse, scorn and derision than a man who is cuckolded by his woman?!

Cuckolded, what a word, which plainly means a man whose woman is unfaithful to him. That man is known as a cuckold, and rarely gets any sympathy from anyone — friends or foes alike. In Jamaican parlance, we say that the man is getting bun, and nothing hurts a man more than to get bun from his wife.

But even as he experiences that pain, others laugh and scoff at him behind his back, or even to his face sometimes. Women will revel in his misfortune, citing that the fault must be his if his wife slept with another man. “Is must something him do why she give him bun.”

“Man fi get bun yes, man fi get bun, dem deserve it.” Oh, how cruel the mocking words of some people can be. We’ll find out why men get bun, the causes, and the effects, right after these responses to ‘Mothers who wannabe fathers’.

Teerob,

I read your column every week, but I’ve only now been moved to e-mail. I must defend single mothers with sons, as I am one of their members. Many single mothers, I know, would really not be so, especially those with sons, for where we can work with girls, boys are totally foreign to us.

Many fathers have moved on to second relationships and forget about their sons, and the boys, being protective of mother, do not speak to their fathers. I have always been a single mother, however, my son is a man’s man. I don’t know about boys shaving mommy’s legs or unhooking bras.

Seems most boys/men being effeminate these days are following the trends of slim fit jeans for men, bleaching, plucking eyebrows and metrosexuality… and sometimes downright homosexuality. And I think a very small number of mothers can be blamed for this.

Lori-Ann

Hey Tony,

Brother, you are on spot with these mothers who think that they know it all and want to be fathers to their sons. How else can you explain the abundance of sissy boys parading around as males in female raiment? They follow the ways of women and the mothers are so blinded, they cannot see the folly of their ways.

Sissy boys, girly girly men, Sheilas, are all products of an effeminate upbringing and dominant mother. Put a lamb with a dog and see how aggressive it will grow up to be, but put a pup with a sheep as its adoptive mother and see what you get… a dog that acts like a sheep. It’s quite simple Tony, the boys live what they learn, and they learn it from their mothers.

Patrick

Our newspapers love to blast headlines, stories and letters of men who have been cheated on, as it seems to attract a wide number of readers, folks with a prurient interest. People will read it and laugh, unless it happens to them, then it’s no laughing matter.

One recent story headlined how a husband caught his wife in bed with a policeman and the cop had to flee butt-naked, leaving his clothes behind as he made a dash to the safety of the police station. Oh how people read it and laughed and laughed, and if you think about it, the scenario is quite funny and worthy of any comedic skit. She was caught in the long arms of the law, plus legs and other parts, too.

So many jokes were made of the situation. Very few people had any sympathy for the poor husband, as Joe Grind, that elusive man who is the bane of all husbands, that rascal, that scallywag, that vagabond, that Jackanape, who hops in and out of matrimonial beds not his own, is a hero to many… unless he pays your house a visit.

No one curses the ‘other man’, but the victim, the poor cuckold, is derided and ridiculed as scorn is heaped on him. “If him was treating her right him wouldn’t get bun.”

“Woman don’t leave good for bad… him deserve to get bun.”

There was also this headline, ‘Chinese flees Ja after finding ‘Joe’ in wife’s bed.’ Apparently this Chinese businessman caught his wife with an employee and was so ashamed that he promptly went back to his homeland. But just as I said, there was no sympathy for him, as some comments expressed ranged from, “Mi say, she say him cyaan do nutten inna bed, dat’s why she take up wid de young boy” to “A de woman and her young boy a run de business now.”

Another lady wrote to the advice column asking, “Should I tell him he is not the father?” Ouch and double ouch, as Shakespeare said, ‘that is the most unkindest cut of all’. Apparently she was married to this man but gave him bun with another man, got pregnant, and passed the baby off on her husband.

That’s one serious effect of giving bun: the irrepressible jacket, or offspring that does not belong to the husband. That’s got to hurt, if and when it’s found out. Research has shown that over 35 per cent of men tested are not the fathers of their children. That makes us the jacket capital of the world. But jackets show up in the darndest places. Who would have thought that applying for a US visa could get you more than you bargained for? And I don’t mean a 10-year indefinite multiple, either.

Yes, my friends, DNA tests required by the US Embassy in Kingston as a vital part of its immigration visa process have turned up embarrassing figures of the number of women ascribing paternity of their children to the wrong man. One in every 10 men who turns up at the Liguanea offices of the US Embassy is told that the DNA tests prove that he is not the biological father of the child he is filing for.

The percentage of men filing for children they did not sire could have been higher, if some applicants had not abandoned the paternity process in midstream. As comedian Oliver would say, “What a wicked act.” Even as other people laugh at the men who are discovered to be wearing jackets, and illfitting ones too, the reality is a serious one. But this is just one result of women giving men bun. Let us examine why these women do it.

Many women cite neglect and loneliness as the reasons they cohabit with another man. Apparently all the money and worldly possessions in the universe are not enough to stop a woman from doing what she wants to do, if no interest is shown to her. Along comes another guy who has all the moves and knows exactly what a woman craves… interest, love and affection. So wham bam, it’s thank you ma’am for the slam.

It’s more common than you would like to think, even though many people don’t like to think about it. Money really cannot buy love. Oh, it may lease it in the short term, but to have and to hold require far more than diamonds and gold. Truth be told, it cannot deter a woman from giving her love to someone else. How often have we heard this, “Imagine, after all I did for you — house, money, cars, schooling — you still give me bun.”

But the women justify this, saying “Give him bun yes, after money can’t keep you company… drop bun pon him.” Oh my, doesn’t the cuckold get any sympathy? Must he suffer not only the indignity of having another man undress his wife, but also hear the taunts and jeers, the ridicule of those looking on?

But guess what, there are also women who give bun for no reason but that they are plain bad. Oh yes, there are women who are treated well, given everything, material and emotional, yet they still give away their loving to another man. Some women just love bad men. For others, it’s just curiosity, as having been with the same man forever, they simply want a taste of a different fruit… forbidden fruit… jackfruit… Jack’s fruit.

A little variety from the bland avocado, and something with a touch more spice to it… like pepper. Women who have done this have confided to me that they only did it once to see what it was like, but having done it, never again. Others weren’t so lucky, and got caught.

But the fact is, they did it, gave their men bun, and it was not sweet for him. Still, in a lot of cases he never finds out. No wonder they always say, ‘The spouse is always the last to know.’

With new-found independence, more and more women are emboldened to step out into uncharted territory, to go where no man has gone before… well, let’s make that, go where she had not gone before, and give him bun. They are educated, smart, bright and savvy, and play the man game better than most men.

Many do it for revenge, and even though it’s said that revenge is a meal best served cold, these women are hot. Some say, “I discovered that he was doing it behind my back, so I simply went ahead and did it too.”

Yes, revenge is a great motivator for some women. That fact will illicit even less sympathy for the man, from people looking on. “So what did he expect… he was doing it, too… give him bun yes.” No mercy is shown for the man who suffers at the hands of a woman who gives him bun for revenge.

There is a school of thought that says that only ‘eediat men’ get bun. After all, a man who is skilled in all facets of lovemaking, plus is a ‘real man’, cannot get bun. Many men have told me that they cannot get bun from their women, even as the wives and statistics show otherwise. But who are you going to believe, Mr Macho man who says he cannot get bun, or the startling figures that show otherwise?

Still, some men deserve to get bun, while for others it’s a crying shame, as they really don’t deserve it. Even so, the clichéd stories of men catching their women with other men in a compromising position and people having to jump through windows stark naked, do make for humorous reading. Unless you are the subject, or you were the one who caught them first-hand.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I really enjoy watching the Junior Schools Challenge Quiz on TVJ, and the presenters and judges are doing a great job. Many of the children are extremely bright and aware, with good memories. But I still have a few comments. One presenter asked, “Where is the Cologne Chapel?” But pronounced it Colon, which is in Panama and not ‘colone’ for Cologne, which is in Germany.

Another question was, “What sound does a hyena make?’ the correct answer is laugh, hyenas make a laughing sound, yet they gave the answer as ‘scream.’ From I’m a little boy going to Tarzan show I know that hyenas laugh… they make a cackling, laughing sound. Then they also said that echolocation is the method of navigation used only by animals… bats, whales and porpoises. True, but submarines use it too… sonar.

One amusing answer to the question, “What do you call someone who operates a pawn shop?” All four children without hesitation and in unison answered, “A porn star.” Makes you wonder what they’re watching at home. Still, it’s all good and great to watch, gaffes and all. Are you smarter than a 10-year-old?