I recently watched a friend get hauled away by the police after they executed a shut down of a party after 2:00 am inside a club. Needless to say none of us were pleased, since as far as we were concerned we were not disturbing anyone, but my friend took it a step further and proceeded to select some fabric by the yard. Well he was promptly awarded a pair of silver bangles and carted off in a squad car. When we inquired of the officer what the charge was, he replied: Improper conduct on a spirit licensed premises.

We posted bail and when he went to court we discovered there was in fact such a law. The judge generously offered to give him community service as opposed to jail him and he paid a fine of $30,000. I guess the next time after a few drinks and the bartender starts getting beautiful, we should think twice about using a bad word on such a premise. Wonder if the law applies if the proprietor has the intention to get the licence, but it hasn’t yet been finalised, because I’ve seen such postings in places I visit, but back to the article.

If you thought that law was strange, a policeman gave a man a strict order to move and keep on moving. Being one of my jocular associates, he took one step and then kept moving around in a circle and he was charged. The offence “Failure to move and keep on moving”, which in law means that the man should have walked away and continued about his business, since the officer felt he was being curt, he charged him. To our surprise, this was also a real offence under the Town and Community Act.

This led me to investigate some of our lesser-known and quite comical items on our law books. So here goes: Thankfully the police have bigger fish to fry, so on most occasions these ‘crimes’ will go unpunished

If a male police officer is arresting a woman and asks for a female civilian’s assistance to effect a search and she declines, then that civilian can be charged for Failure to assist a police under Section 23 of the Town and Community Act. (Hereinafter referred to as The Act).

This one should be of interest to my ‘rumpanions’ converging on food carts after hours. Every person who in any town shall be found drunk lying about the streets or other public places therein, or on any piazza, whether opened or closed shall be deemed to have committed an offence. The fine is $4 or 10 days in jail and the offence is “Found Drunk in the Street” — Section 8 of The Act.

If whilst using a public thoroughfare you rip your pants and your rear end is exposed, or your garment is designed or has been adjusted to show that area you can be charged for indecent exposure. A fine of $1500 or 30 days in jail… Section 9 of The Act

If your neighbour is playing any song with profanity. The police may be summoned. It is a breach of Section 9c of The Act… $1,500 or 30 days

Vendors beware: Section 18 of The Act: Any person who shall, on Sunday, Good Friday or Christmas day, OFFER or EXPOSE for sale any goods, wares or merchandise shall be liable to a penalty of $4. The name of the offence is Exposing Goods for sale on the day (Christmas Day, Good Friday or Sunday). Except newspaper, bread, ice, milk.

I personally am glad that this one goes unnoticed by most police officers: Under the Road Traffic Act the police can charge you for- Failure to maintain the interior of your motor car. Dirty car seats; filthy mats etc thankfully the fine is only $100

Have a safe and ‘crime’ free weekend my readers. I will definitely be publishing more of these at a later date. @ElvaJamaica on Twitter or email elvachatalot@yahoo.com.