THE smart tech innovator knows that when it comes to naming an invention simplicity and general modernity are the best ways to go. Most are usually pretty good at coming up with catchy, adequately designed names to their inventions.

However, there are some creators who not only fall short of this goal but somehow manage to produce some of the most awful names for their products.

This week, TEENage looks at five of the worst gadget names, ever.

iBeat Blaxx

Clearly, this product from TrekStor takes not only the cake, but also the crown, throne and red carpet for what is very possibly the worst name for an invention in the entire history of technological evolution and quite possibly the origin of human existence. Aside from its very racist and highly politically incorrect phonetic similarity to the words ‘I beat blacks’, this product bombed due to all the negative feedback and TrekStor had to issue a public apology and rename the product the ‘TrekStor Blaxx’.

The Cool-er ereader

The only things that should be named ‘cool’ are tall African-American rappers from Long Island, New York… and Blue Mountain in December. Other than that, it’s generally not a good idea to name a tech product ‘Cool-er’ especially when it’s not designed to be an air-conditioning unit but rather some kind of Frankenstein’s monster hybrid of the Kindle and the Zune which is masquerading as an enormous iPod. Er… cooler than what? A stone tablet and a chisel?

Qwikster

Netflix pulled a total ‘fail’ with this scheme to split their company right down the middle with one half providing movies by mail and the other by the Internet. It wouldn’t have been all that bad, if the name didn’t sound like a laxative and if people didn’t have to go and create a completely separate Qwickster account on the completely separate Qwikster website… and with a completely separate Qwikster charge.

Wii

Yes, we went there. The Wii really is a technological step in the right direction with interactive video games, and, as much as we understand the pun on the catchphrase “Wii (we) would like to play”, somebody over in Japan really hadn’t thought through the implications of this name to English speakers. Bodily fluids are never really the best way to go when branding.

iPad

And speaking of bodily fluids, as much as we love these guys, the truth must be told. When Apple announced the name of their newest product, everyone in the room cringed. Most people were hoping for a very normal sounding ‘iTab’, but were all soundly disappointed when Apple pulled this out of their collective sleeve and clearly showing the age of their developers since the word ‘pad’ in technological context has long been almost synonymous with Star Trek. Not the cool reboot version either; we mean the Shatner and Nimoy version… way back in the sixties.