Think of marriage now;

Younger than you,

Here in Verona, ladies of esteem

Are already made mothers.

— Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet 1, 3

HERE in Jamaica too, ladies of esteem are already made mothers. But did they think of marriage, or did the thought of marriage even cross their partner’s mind? Ask any young lady, ‘who would you rather be, a bride or babymother?’ and see what response is forthcoming. We’ve always heard the term, ‘blushing bride’ or ‘beautiful bride’, but rarely are those words used to describe a babymother.

Yes, we are in modern times, and yes, there is no longer a major stigma attached to the unwed mother, more commonly called the babymother. But many parents would still prefer to see their daughters traipse down the aisle and be joined in matrimony to an upstanding young gentleman, preferably a man of means, rather than be knocked up by some careless boy. The irony is, if the babyfather is a man of means, then it may mean more to the family, as money is the great equaliser.

But we do live in an imperfect world, and if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Heck, if wishes were women, many men would ride too… and a lot of them are studs, even as they canter a few furlongs or more, siring offspring in stables all over the place. Do not for one minute blame the men alone either, for many women have a choice to be brides, but opt to be babymothers instead, as we’ll find out, right after these responses to Loose Lips.

Hey Tony,

Have you ever heard the term, ‘cock mouth kill cock?’ I’m sure you have, and if any man doesn’t believe it, then he’s a jackass. How could a man even imagine to tell his woman everything, no matter how close both of them are? Brother, only a naïve fool does that. Your past should be left in the vault, for women tend to take your own words and smash you in the face with them.

Women will get jealous over a lover from your past who she never met and who has since long gone. It doesn’t matter, as she has that memory etched in her brain. So why add to this by running your mouth?

Do what women do, just say, “Oh Honey, that relationship meant nothing to me,” and button your lip.

Douglas

Daddy Oh,

Truer words have never been spoken, but even you used to divulge a bit too much of the ways of men in your columns over the years. You let plenty puss out of plenty bag, boss. Nuff times I had to hide your columns from my wife. But some men do chat too much and they really believe that their women don’t really care about what they’re telling them about their past. Loose lips may cause nuff problems. And if more men would downplay their past exploits, then more women would feel secure in relationships. I’m not saying to be secretive, but leave some things unsaid. Your own words can come back to bite you.

Peter

Throughout history it’s been the dream of many mothers, and fathers too, to see their daughters walk down the aisle and marry the man of their dreams. But my, how the world has changed, and matrimony may not hold the same sway as it used to. Well, it still may, but many young women are dancing to their own tune and going the route of the babymother instead of the bride.

Could it be that it’s cheaper, as it doesn’t involve a huge wedding with expenses that could make a big dent in their finances? Or could it be that they had no choice, as the man would rather get them pregnant than marry them? As crude as it may sound, lots of men categorise women into two groups and have the notion that some girls are okay to impregnate but not good enough to marry.

To wit, “Some you married to and some you breed,” is the rough talk of the thug. And they live up to this credo too, as they have in tow, a slew of babymothers with a litter of little ones trailing behind them. But after a while, he will take a bride, but not from the bevy of babymothers either, but someone new. Was it because they were good enough only for a roll in the hay, but not good enough to take out of the barn?

Beyoncé sang that, ‘You gotta put a ring on it,’ but so many men hold their members in their hands and say, “Baby, this is quality, and the quality goes in before the name goes on,” taking the slogan from the old Zenith TV commercials. But even after they slip in the quality, their name will not go on, leaving the lass livid, for she will be no Mrs, but only a Miss. And a miss is as good as a mile, which is the distance the man will put between them after his act.

It sounds rough, but many women do not seem to mind this, and will gladly line up to be yet another babymother in the man’s harem. Just check out many of our so-called superstars, singers, deejays and sportsmen who have fathered 10, 15 or even 20 children… and never get married. And guess what, women are lining up to be babymother number 26.

This transcends all classes too, so don’t think that it’s a downtown thing as opposed to an uptown phenomenon. But the social irony is, when it seeps uptown, eyebrows are raised, and even people from downtown will comment, “Me did think say all she wudda did married some big man instead a breed like de rest of we.”

Double standards, or just too high expectations? Don’t ask me, I don’t create these social rules, I just reflect them. Plus, I am not here to judge, for Lord knows I couldn’t cast the first stone, lest an avalanche of gravel falls on my head.

The cold, hard fact is, most children nowadays are the product of babymothers, and the absentee father is nothing new to our fair isle, even as they refuse to walk down the aisle. But it does seem to be kind of trendy nowadays, as women bare it like a badge of honour on their sleeves… er make that on their bellies. I know women who have purposely gone out to get pregnant and had no intention of marrying the man either. In essence, they used the man as a sperm donor, and nothing else.

So even as he thought that he was ‘getting through’ with her, in reality it was she who was getting through with him. There they are in bed after the act thinking, “Ah boy, I really get a chance to sleep with her.” Even as she’s thinking, “Ah boy, I really hope he’s fertile… then he can just go.”

So ladies and gentlemen, contrary to popular belief, women do use men for sexual gratification and instant impregnation in the same way men use women for sexual pleasure. These women will get pregnant, have the baby, then have no further contact with the man afterwards… by choice.

What sort of woman does that? In many cases it’s the ones who are angry, bitter and disenchanted and fed up with men. But they still want a child, so along comes John, and John is virile and fertile…but soon to be erstwhile. Hey, there’s even a reggae song with the words, ‘Come breed me, come breed me,’ and sung by a woman too. So don’t just take my word for it. We live in a new generation, my friends, so get with the programme.

Some women will see the man like an icon, a hero, some sort of demigod, a man of means, a star, and decide that she must carry his seed and perpetuate his bloodline. If I had grown locks and played music while jumping and prancing on stage, who knows how many women would have desired my loins and required my services to impregnate them?! They set their sights on these stars and are proud to say that, “Mr Big Man is my babyfather.”

I was speaking to a young dreadlocks just last week, a very nice, decent guy who lamented that he had no children as yet. I told him, “Learn to play an instrument or deejay and you’ll have to fight off the girls.”

Are husbands becoming obsolete, mere relics of our moral past? And will brides go the way of the dinosaurs, extinct, never to walk the face of the earth, or down the aisle ever again? No more will parson say, “Do you take this woman to be your lawful bride?” Instead, we may very well hear, “Hush babymother, just hold your corner and wait your turn. You’re number six.”

Apart from the fact that babymothers are now the norm, what’s alarming is their age. Many as young as 13, 14 and 15 are experienced mothers. I saw a lady on TV the other night who boasted of having nine children. She was 32 years old. And not a father in sight. “God say we must have out we lot. Birth control is evil.”

Oh yes, very often babymothers are not just babymothers, they are serial babymothers, and will outdo brides in this arena hands down. “How many times you married… just two times? Ha, I’m a babymother seven times now… with eight different men.” I dare you to say it ain’t so. A bride is proposed to, while a babymother is propositioned. Some go willingly, while others are tricked, fooled, promised many things by some horny hombre who only wants to earn his stripes and have a youth.

He moves on, only to be replaced by yet another, with different promises, but the same intentions and invariably the same result. Not one will ask for her hand in marriage. Always a babymother, never a bride. The songs reflect the reality. “My babymother say me too bad me too bad”; “Hush babymother, don’t cry”, and others. They fill the family court.

But for every bride there is a groom, and for many babymothers there is no babyfather, for he is like the bee who flits in, pollinates the flower then flies off to another flower. Still, there are some babyfathers who are supportive and are involved in their children’s lives. But how supportive can you be if you have 15 children? We cannot judge, we cannot condemn, we can only ask the question, who would you rather be, a bride or a babymother? More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I hope that I’m not flogging a lame horse here, if not a dead one, but this National Anthem issue still irks me. I’m a regular patron of Carib Cinema, and I am appalled to see the lack of respect being shown by some people to our National Anthem. They just sit there, or yap away on their phones when it’s being played. I know that if I say anything to them it may turn ugly, so I let good sense prevail even as I fume. But I do think that Mr Graham should have some security or cops to monitor the cinemas, and if anyone disrespects the Anthem, they should be told to stand or leave. Refund their show fare and show them the door. Plus, ban cellphone use while inside too.

In some countries that lack of respect is tantamount to treason. We really need to wake up.