Virginity is peevish, proud, idle,

Made of self-love,

Which is the most inhibited sin in the canon,

Keep it not.

— Shakespeare, All’s well that ends well, 1, 1

What a cursing virgins got from that man, who says that it’s made of self-love, is peevish, proud and idle. It should be gotten rid of. Maybe he has a point, but more and more, some people seem to be avoiding sex and are proud of doing so too.

Sexuality is so powerful, and comes in different dimensions, practices, sizes and shapes. There is the bisexual, transsexual, homosexual, heterosexual and even the metrosexual, which got me into a spot of bother a few years ago because my tongue-in-cheek approach in my article was misunderstood.

But there is also the asexual. And who is the asexual? He or she is the person who has no interest in sex at all. It’s not that they have anything against sex, but they simply do not care for it. A sort of indifference to the act.

Some may have tried it at least once in the past, and decided that it wasn’t for them. While others have never tried it, but have decreed that it is not for them. And don’t think that these are ugly people who can’t get anybody either. Far from it, as many are attractive, young, vibrant people who simply do not care to indulge in sex.

We’ll see why, right after these responses to ‘Multi phobia’.

Hi Tony,

I am afraid I am at a loss for words on this subject, but I have to say that the word ‘heterophobia’ is new to me. Your article is a real eye-opener, and as the saying goes, ‘you learn something new every day.’

Winston

Hey Anthony,

That was a very important article.

Klao

Hey Teerob,

You have managed to explore important facets of human sexuality, fears, phobias, likes and dislikes without actually offending any particular group. You certainly can walk between the raindrops.

Dennis

Even with all this sexuality that has permeated all facets of the human race, there are still some people who refuse to get drawn into this world of passion, lust, libido, sexuality, sensuality and satisfaction. Believe it or not, there are people who have no desire to have sex with anyone or anything at all… no woman, no man, no animal, plant or mineral. And as one man said about them, “Asexuals…they are not hetero or homo, they are neither fish nor fowl.”

I’m not talking about people who desire sex but can’t get it, men who constantly pursue it diligently but have no luck. They just can’t seem to get anywhere with women, and as one guy was told after many years of trying, ‘Man, you couldn’t get laid in a cathouse.’

And there are women too, who would never experience these earthly pleasures, even if they lay down stark naked in a prison full of horny men. Oh no, I’m not talking about those sexual rejects, but rather about those people who are asexual by choice.

I have learnt that there are thousands of people who have absolutely no desire to have sex at all. No one forced them into that state, and no, they did not join any religion, priesthood, convent or order that forced them into taking vows of celibacy. They just avoided having sex….ever.

This was corroborated by a documentary that featured these asexuals. I watched, fascinated. They openly flaunted their asexuality and wore it like a badge of honour. They acted quite normal and even went on dates, not only with other asexuals, but with heterosexual persons as well.

How unfair, I thought. What kind of date could that be, knowing fully well that the evening is going to turn out the very same way that it began…. with everybody’s clothes on. But it seemed to work for them and they liked it.

To me, it’s like going into a restaurant, ordering your favourite meal and having it locked away behind a cage. You can see it, you can smell it, but you can’t touch or taste it. That’s what King Tantalus did to his prisoners, hence the word tantalising. Just some historical data there, but appropriate at this time, I think.

Just the thought of a life devoid of passion, lust and anticipation is beyond me. But I guess it takes all types to make up this world.

Still, before I knocked it, I tried to examine the pros and cons of being asexual. First of all, no man can’t fool you up. He can’t woo you, have his way with you, then move on to his next conquest. He has nothing to get, because you have nothing to give.

On that first date, the ground rules are established early. You can just calmly declare, “Ahem, just to let you know, but I have no sexual desire at all, and I will never have sex with you. It’s not you, it’s me…I’m asexual.” Some men may not believe her, and still bide their time, hoping for a breakthrough. But there are others who do believe, but still go along for the ride, or rather the lack of it.

In the documentary, there were actually asexual women who went on repeat romantic dates with sexually active men. What’s the point, I thought, but they did seem to have a good time. How long that would last though, is anybody’s guess.

That being said, when you take sex out of the equation, it does release much of the stress and anxiety that go with dating. But there will come a time when the piper will play the tune, and someone will be asked to dance. “Come now baby, yu been asexual for three months now….is time you give it up.”

The asexual person will not have any children, and there are people who do not want kids. There is also no question of contraception by pills, condoms, coils, withdrawals or herbs. There is no need to pinch, leave an inch, and roll, for their sexual lives are as dry as a pack of unused condoms in the bottom drawer.

Apart from that, asexuality is healthy, as there is absolutely no way that they can contract any sexually transmitted diseases. To be asexual is to be safe. “You not taking your HIV/AIDS test?”

“No sah, I’m asexual…me safe.”

Asexuality is not merely abstaining from sex. People who abstain from sex still have urges, but they do not act on them. Restraint is their mantra, as they want to, but choose not to. That’s different. The asexual simply has no urges. It’s like having no taste buds I suppose, and life is bland.

I actually knew a few people who were asexual. One was a man, who from I knew him, never had any contact with any woman, man, plant or beast. He was not gay or hetero, but sex was just not a part of his life. He never knew what sexual pleasure was. But it was his choice, and as far as I know, he was contented in his job, his life and his family life.

I have known asexual women too. One even got married in an attempt to change her ways and be ‘normal’, but quickly lapsed into her comfort zone. “It was so unfair to my husband who thought that I didn’t want him, but I just have no desire for sex, never had,” she said.

This other woman I knew had no sexual desire at all, ever. She didn’t miss it because she didn’t know it. The irony is, these women were attractive and could be even classed as sexy, as many men would lust after them. But to no avail. They had no feelings of a sexual nature at all.

I find it almost frightening to know that there are persons devoid of such an important part of the human makeup. Are they freaks of nature?

I view a person who has no feeling if a hot iron is placed on their leg, with the same fascination. It’s unnatural. I’m not being judgemental, but simply in awe. So when you look around and see some people who have no partner, and have no desire to have one either, do not be quick to judge. Perhaps it’s their choice. They don’t want anybody, have no desire for physical contact, have no need for sex. They are simply asexual. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: As the Phantom comic strip says from time to time, ‘For those who came in late.’ Well, for those who came in late, here’s a brief recap. The Observer is now 20 years old and I’ve been writing this column, unbroken, for about 19 years now. I lost track of the exact date, but I won the Press Association of Jamaica Award in 1997, so I use that as a milestone.

It was a former editor, Sandra Champagnie, who drew me into this world and even named me ‘Daddy Oh’. I learnt so much and have people like the late Dr. George Philip, (CEO,) Desmond Allen, Vernon Davidson and others to thank. Clovis is a genius and interprets and draws the cartoons with no input from me at all.

I congratulate the Observer for 20 great years of publishing, and I feel blessed and privileged to be a part of it. Nuff respect to the visionary, Mr Gordon ‘Butch’ Stewart.