OFF into the distance way above the green rib of hills carrying the rains could be heard the low rumble of thunder. On the flat, in the crowded city, it was sweltering as the sun baked the black skins of many confused Jamekyans scurrying around trying to earn a bare-bones living.

Further up the road, Parliament is about to convene at Georgian House. Fireworks were expected as, on the day before, tempers had erupted between Government and Opposition members over the Out-of-Money Likkle Place.

Inside Parliament, the first politician to take the floor was leader of the Opposition, the young Hillsman Holdem of the We Want Power Party (WWPP) otherwise known as ‘wi-wi-peas’.

“Mr Speechless, Mr Speechless, I rise on a point of order in dis house of disorder to make a point. And please remember, Mr Speechless, that when I, a young man, rise, I don’t fall like some of di ol boy dem in dis honourable house of disorder, especially those in di govament benches.”

The benches erupt as of one, but there is an explosion of raw anger on the government benches of the People Love Power Party (PLPP) otherwise known as ‘pulps’, as Mek Me Ticklesome (otherwise known as Me-Me), senator and minister of foreign flings and dubious trips rises to his creaking feet.

Me-Me: “Listen here, just listen here, don’t flex mi sagging muscles! Don’t…”

From the Opposition benches: “…Siddung! Siddung!’

The Opposition Leader Hillsman Holdem signals to his colleagues, who are laughing hysterically, to calm down. He speaks again. “Mr Speechless, Mr Speechless, I had no idea that when I did throw di likkle stone inna di pen somebody woulda squeal.”

Madness in the house again. The Speechless intervenes. “Senator Ticklesome, please sit back slowly in yuh rocking chair. Nuff respeck Me-Me. Tek yu time. Wi is one.” He then directs his gaze to the leader of the Opposition.

“Mr Holdem, I know dat yuh young and yuh good in the lips and strong in di hips. I know dat yu sniff power an yuh will talk until di rapture and, if push come to shove, yuh wil’ dance di night away pon di Hip Strip. But I would direct you to keep to di subject at hand and continue to make submissions along those lines. Mi dun talk!”

Opposition Leader Holdem rises again: “Mr Speechless, Mr Speechless, is di honourable prime minister prepared to tell dis House when she knew about Out-of-Money Likkle Place, who told her about what she did not know, and at which point did she decide that she had sufficient information to come to dis House to report on what she did not know, and still don’t know, even though we have information dat she know about many tings dat she don’t know?”

Dance, prime minister, dance!

Before the Speechless can intervene, Prime Minister Poor Poor People rises to her feet in a huff and shouts across at the Opposition leader: “Hey yout, yuh know me?! Yuh know mi? Me is di only prime minister dat can come to dis House and claim my integrity in full, because me do not have a need to know nutten bout nutten bout any bored member pon any board. Capture mi, Hansard! Mr Speechless, ah feeling di glory, Lord a mercy!

“Yuh tink I don’t know seh nuff a di people dem who did tell me which board fi put dem pon inna 2012 a do tings behind my back? I know, but because I don’t know, my integrity is intact. So don’t get mi bringle, Holdem! Don’t draw di thread from mi skirt tail yout!”

The Opposition leader once again takes the floor. “Mr Speechless, Mr Speechless, all di people of dis country, dis House, want to know first of all is which number playing in di next pan. Very critical, Mr Speechless.

“After dat we would like to know how much the National High Illusion (NHI) pay fi di Likkle Place and what is di full details. Di honourable prime Minister did get nuff time fi swat di answers to dis simple term test.”

The prime minister gets up again and the thread is running from her skirt tails. Her face is contorted as she gives the Opposition leader only her profile, as if he doesn’t deserve her full facial focus.

Prime minister: “Mr Speechless, we may have or may not have purchased di property, but just fi dat bit of renkness a gwine tack on another $20 million pon di bill…”

Opposition leader Holdem jumps to his feet: “Madness, Mr Speechless! I call dis madness…”

Prime minister: “New information coming from the chairman of the Illusion, Mr Road Runner himself has informed me dat another $30 million will have to be added on as we extend the land experience by way of a mini-rail line to the Cockpit Country and eventually undersea to Cuba. Like Pinky an’ di Brain we are going to take over di world! Growth is in the air.”

Oppostion Leader Holdem is livid. “Mr Speechless, Mr Speechless, I cannot tek dis. I am spinning like a gig and di prime minister spinning faster dan me. Twenty million dollars, thirty million…”

Prime minister: “One more word outa yuh and ah throw in another $50 million! Den ah going to start counting in US dollars. Shut up and siddung! Is our side in power, but I did not come here to go into people board meeting and get bored over fi dem fancy talk.

“Mr. Speechless, I was elected to ensure dat poor people poor but dem happy. I don’t have time fi puzzle dem wid tings dat don’t concern dem likkle head.

“Holdem want power, Mr Speechless, and ‘im want me to run my mout’ and run myself outa power. It not gwine happen! Not only dat, but what about di Opposition an’ how dem did handle di Likkle Money?

At that point, Mr Peril Gauze, Opposition MP from the east, shoots up out of his chair and says, “Mr Speechless, the former prime minister has informed me dat he was approached and he wrote to then Minister Fat Face in tourism asking if he could assist in finding investors for Likkle Money before dem run outa money…”

The prime minister says sotto voce: “Yuh know a don’t like dat bwoy. Too full ah himself.”

Gauze continues and peers over his spectacles: “Doesn’t matter, Prime Minister. Afta unnu party run food a tek di election, fi unnu tourism section seh di Likkle Money nuh viable. So, is how it go? Is how it go? Mr Speechless, we want to know how poor people money in di Illusion get mix up in di Likkle Money? Wi want answers now or wi gwine shut down di Illusion!”

A sudden chill descends on the House.

At the lunch break, Opposition Leader Holdem is at the bar with an energy drink in his hands. Government Senator Mek Me Ticklesome ambles over to him and says, “Yu tek har too serious, man. Any time wi give har information she seh she not interested and when she fine out bout stuff later she seh wi never tell har. She mean good, so go easy pon har.”

Me-Me then leans over and whispers to the Opposition leader, “By di way, a run out a di likkle b…”

In a private office near to Georgian House, the prime minister is huddled with a few senior government people, including her best friend on the board of the Illusion, Mr Farcical Di Gooch, whose best marks in his school days was coming second in his class. Only two were in the class at the back of the school.

“Goochie,” says the prime minister, “mi have nuff details, but is what going on? Put some words in mi mout nuh man! Anybody tek any money?”

Di Gooch says, “Nobody no tief any money. Gospel truth. Prime minister, all wi going to do is ensure dat everybody have a different story. Once di whole ting get confusing so dat not even me an you an Road Runner understand it anymore, den wi start to spin it dat is the fault of the Opposition wi-wi-peas.”

“Yuh tink seh dat will work?” asks the prime minister.

“A likkle election coming up, an’ dat is di politics dat wi know, wi practise and wi live by. It mus’ work,” says Di Gooch.

“Den suppose wi try all of dat and wi still find dat wi under pressure, what happen when some reporter boy push mike inna mi face?” asks the prime minister. “Yuh know seh me and di question-and-answer ting is not di best of fren. Why dem just won’t ‘low mi an wait till mi buss a dance a di nex’ election and rise up again in di polls? Tcha!”

“Simple, prime minister. Jus reach fi yuh card.”

“Which card is dat?” asks di prime minister.

Di Gooch says, “Just tell dem, don’t ask you, ask di party.”

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