A school for my son, please!
Nadine Graham did not beam with the delight a first-time mom is expected to have. Her son, Anthony McPherson, faced the grim prospect of never being able to walk. And he never did. Now the unemployed, single mother struggles to cater to all the needs of her 14-year-old paraplegic son.
“It’s just hard, especially since I’m not working to care for him like I would want and him not going to school,” she told the Jamaica Observer.
Graham traced Anthony’s misfortune to a mishap she suffered when she was eight months pregnant. Heading back from a shop in Cheapside, St Elizabeth, one Tuesday afternoon, Graham hastened her steps as the rain drizzled. As she neared her home, she slipped and fell on the football field, wrenching from her the possibility of giving birth to a normally developed baby.
“When I fell down, I felt mi belly bottom cramp up and I couldn’t get up, so mi babyfather two cousins who were nearby, they come pick mi up and carry mi home,” she recalled of the fateful day.
According to Graham, the pain worsened and spread to her feet, debilitating her for a short while. Anthony’s father and other relatives of his rushed her to Mandeville Hospital where she was admitted on observation for three weeks. The doctors informed her the baby was still alive, and when the pain subsided she was discharged and asked to do an ultrasound.
“After mi release, wi just didn’t have it (money). My babyfather was fired from his workplace at a block factory and so we were having it hard and we didn’t have the money to do the ultrasound,” she said regretfully.
Approximately two weeks later, Anthony was born and Graham was given the devastating news that her baby had an abnormality of the spine.
“The nurses told me is from the fall it cause from. Him have something name spina bifida. The nurse held him upside down by his feet and showed me a big lump with the top sink in near him bottom,” she explained.
The Mandeville Hospital, she said, recommended that the baby undergo surgery at Bustamante Hospital for Children, and this was done when he was three days old.
The doctor who performed the procedure, she claimed, informed her that surgery had to be done the Wednesday Anthony was admitted because seven to eight other surgeries were scheduled before he was due to leave the island Friday of the same week.
“I didn’t question the doctor because I love my son and I wanted him to be okay. So wen mi go back the Friday, mi couldn’t recognise him because him head grow big and the other doctors seh is because some nerves between him spine and brain damage,” she shared.
At that point, she said, sadness set in. Then the heart-rending news was relayed: Anthony had a less than 30 per cent chance of being able to walk because of severe spinal damage. The hospital recommended that Anthony benefit from physiotherapy treatment at Mona Rehabilitation Centre in Kingston and he started attending at six months old, to receive monthly therapy sessions.
During this testing time, Graham related, she wrestled with coming to terms with the reality of Anthony’s possible disability. But she still clung to the hope that he would confound doctors and learn to walk at the expected age. She also drew strength from God and her father, whom she regards as a major source of encouragement.
“Mi did start to feel weak and cry, but my father, who is a pastor, usually tell us that when wi in difficulty, we should pray and ask God for help,” she stated. Her partner also supported her with the travelling expenses to ensure Anthony attended his sessions at Mona Rehab, and saw to his other needs.
However, her relationship with Anthony’s father deteriorated and became untenable, she said, when her son reached a year and a half. Consequently, she took the baby and returned to her parents’ home in Trout Hall, Clarendon.
Anthony’s father continued to provide some financial support until the child was three. However, when he attempted to rekindle their relationship and she refused, he withdrew his support, Graham claimed.
“When I told him I’m not coming back to live with him in St Elizabeth, him stop supporting the child. The last time him see Anthony was when he was about seven. Him don’t even know what him look like now,” she said.
Things grew progressively harder as she tried to eke out a living for her disabled child and herself. She was forced to rely heavily on the kindness of relatives to care for Anthony while she did poorly paid bar-tending jobs, sometimes. Emotionally, it also weighed on her that Anthony showed no sign of ever walking as time rolled on. “It was hard, because every money I worked it spend back on food and diaper for him,” she said.
Her challenge is further compounded by the fact that the teen has never been to school as she has been unable to identify an institution able to accommodate his needs.
“He doesn’t know when him want to urinate and defecate. So somebody has to check him regular. The basic school them in the surrounding area told me they don’t have anybody to deal with his situation. A doctor up Mandeville did tell mi about two homes where him could stay and go school in Kingston, but they told me is only adults,” she informed the Observer.
With those failed attempts and limited resources, the 34-year-old Graham said she decided to home-school Anthony in whatever way she could. But she acknowledged that the effort is limited and time-consuming.
“In the days, I have books I read to him and help him with spelling as best as I can, but that’s not enough,” she explained.
Currently, Graham lives in May Pen, Clarendon with her 10-year-old daughter, Davine, and Anthony. Devoting time to both children makes her parenting role demanding.
“I can’t go to look work because I have to monitor him and stay with him. My daughter is preparing for GSAT and she’s bright and needs my attention, too. I just want the best for them,” she said.
Graham told the Observer that her only source of income is the money her daughter’s father provides and which cannot adequately cover all the family’s living expenses. She said her hairdressing skill does not yield much either because she attracts only the occasional male customers who want their hair to be plaited.
“If anyone out there can help me with Anthony, I would highly appreciate it. I’m praying for a better life for him and hope God will make help come through for us. Sometimes to buy the Desitin and Clarizime to make him not chafe is a problem and the diapers too, because I’m not working. He also needs a proper wheelchair because this one getting bad. This one I got from when my sister used to take care of an old lady and the lady died,” Graham said.
Anthony, she added, is enthusiastic about learning and wants to attend school. She said she is not weary of attending to his special needs, but wants him to get a proper education in a facility best suited to him such as at a school where children have similar disabilities.
‘Him have a good memory. Sometimes mi daughter come home and teach him what she learns and in a week him can tell you what she said. Him seh him want to become a wheelchair police, which means he can be a police in the office. Him tell mi [policing] is not only running down a thief with a gun. Him seh him just love the office,” she said.
TURN HEADLINE: Mom laments that wheelchair-bound teen son has never been to school
CAPTIONS
ALL THREE
Nadine Graham with her wheelchair-bound 14-year-old son, Anthony, and 10-year-old daughter, Davine. (PHOTO: MARSHALYN ROSE)
ANTHONY AND SISTER
Anthony gets a hug from his adoring sister Davine. Anthony, who is now 14 years-old, has never been to school, as schools near his home are not equipped to accommodate him. (PHOTO: MARSHALYN ROSE)