Drunk many times a day,

If not many days entirely drunk.

— Shakespeare, Measure for Measure, IV, 2

“What a drunk already man.”

“He’s the town drunk.”

“He can certainly hold his liquor.”

“I will serve no wine before its time.”

“If you have a job and the job interfere wid de rum, leff de job and drink the rum.”

There are so many sayings about drinking that I could go on and on without repeating myself. In fact, “I’ll drink to that.”

Actually, I won’t, for even though a little drink can be a most pleasurable experience, the sad truth is, drinking has caused more grief to mankind than almost all the other opiates combined. And yet, drinking goes unabated, and sometimes, if you don’t indulge, you’re often looked upon as being weird. “Say what, you don’t drink? Something wrong with you?”

“Come on, man, have one for the road.” The one that really amuses me though is when they say, “Drink responsibly.” What exactly do they mean by that, and isn’t it somewhat of a contradiction in terms? “Hic… I drink responsibly, I’m responsible for all the drinking around here.”

Drink responsibly, we’ll find out how, right after these friendly responses to ‘Women friends’.

Tony,

It seems that certain traits that are attributed for the most part to women include jealousy and criticism, and these traits are directed towards other women, leading quite often to ‘bitchiness’. If you want to get more attention from your woman, just get another woman to pay attention to you. One of two things will happen, your woman will start paying more attention to you, or she’ll go ‘bitchy’ and take you and the other woman down hard.

Kris

Teerob,

You are so correct, women can’t be real friends. They hold grudges for years, they are jealous of each other, they secretly rejoice when romantic misfortune befalls another, and they always have their eyes out for other women’s men — married or not. I know so many.

Janet

Anthony,

Regarding your footnote about freedom of speech, you are right. Not because you don’t revere my God, it doesn’t mean you have to demean Him. It’s a First-World bias when it comes to the suffering of the world’s people.

Charles

“Work is the curse of the drinking class.” Drinking has always been a part of mankind’s social pleasures, and indeed, wasn’t it Jesus who turned water into wine? So it’s not all bad. But when it becomes your master, and not your servant, is when the problems begin.

Liquor is said to be the devil in a bottle, and if you dance with the devil, he won’t change, but you will. Even the native Americans used to call it ‘firewater’. Sadly, even to this day, alcoholism is rife among those disenfranchised people. The same can be said of the Maoris of New Zealand. Is there a common thread there?

Despite the red flags, many people fail to heed the warnings and don’t mind if their children start drinking from an early age, even if there is a family history of alcoholism. “Oh, it’s just one drink, won’t do him a thing,” say the mothers of 13-year- olds. But one drink becomes two, then three, multiplied, until the math is compounded and the child’s mind is confounded.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no anti-drinking teetotaller who believes in a dry world. I enjoy a drink now and then, as much as the next person. Two beers are my limit, or perhaps a rum and Coke. A man must know his limitations. What is scary though, is the number of teenagers who are drinking to excess, and are not even aware of the dangers of alcohol.

But why should they be, when their parents either turn a blind eye or encourage it? We all know of those famous north coast weekend all-inclusive parties where liquor flows like Dunn’s River Falls.

It’s just recently that the promoters started to put a strict age limit on patrons. Even so, wily as our youngsters are, many underage kids sneak in, some with their parents’ approval, of course. What’s a 13-year-old doing at a party for an entire weekend, anyway? And the parents don’t know what’s happening?

The TV ads are provocative and enticing, and if you aren’t swigging down some hard rum, you aren’t a real man. And if you aren’t sipping some fine wine, vodka or scotch with a beautiful lady beside you, you aren’t sophisticated.

Some men virtually live in bars and will be there from the doors swing open until they close at night. I bet you that most people aren’t aware of the real opening and closing hours of bars in Jamaica and assume that they’re 24/7. It’s said that we have the most churches per capita in the world, but we also have the most bars, too.

No one dares to leave early, or he’s rebuked. “Come on, man, have another drink. Bird can’t fly pon one wing.”

“Why yu going home, nuh you say yu wife drive yu to drink?”

Others refuse to leave, as that ‘one for the road’ never allows him to hit the road even though it’s the wee hours of the morning.

Speaking of roads, that’s where the tragedy looms, as the combination of drinking and driving is bad mixology. Alcohol-related accidents and deaths are a major problem, both here and overseas. DUI — Driving Under the Influence — is a serious offence in almost all countries. They say that there should be a designated driver, they also say don’t drink and drive, even as they say drink responsibly. Do drinkers really hear what they’re saying? “Listen, man, is long time I drinking. I can handle my car better after a few.”

Drinking makes you brave, gives you the courage of a lion, and many a man has done things that he wouldn’t dare attempt if he was sober. “Norman, you punch the man twice your size?” The liquor made him do it.

Even before a speech, some people will have a nip or two, just to calm their nerves and build up the courage to face the crowd. Some men stagger home drunk before they beat their women.

Drinking also loosens lips and makes people chat what dem not supposed to chat. “Lishen Trevor, you want to hear a sheecrit, I slept with your aunty… shh.” It also loosens other areas as well, as the saying goes regarding trying to seduce women: “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”

Many women have ended up in the beds of men because they had too much to drink. Remember that office Christmas party? “Oh my, what have I done, I slept with my boss?” Or was that simply her excuse? The experts say that no one will do anything while drunk that they wouldn’t do while sober. I question that posit.

That being said, men do slip date-rape drugs into women’s drinks just to have their way with them. It’s a prevalent practice that makes the liquor quicker to ‘lick er’.

It’s in the bedroom though, that to drink responsibly comes into play. “I’m not responsible for my actions, blame it on the drink.” Many men rely on a drink or two before they attempt any sexual activity. But alcohol is a strange bedfellow, it makes men horny, and lets them think that they can conquer all females, but as a wise man said, “It increases the desire but diminishes the performance.”

Some men will drink and drive, while others will fall asleep at the wheel, if you catch my drift. “Winston, is drop yu drop asleep?”

“Sorry, honey, had… too… much… to… drink.”

But drinking is here to stay in spite of all the detractors. America tried prohibition, which failed miserably, as all it did was send the drinkers underground and made the bootleggers flourish as they supplied illegal liquor. The demand was high and the supply was great. After a while, the ban was lifted. If you can’t beat them, join them for a drink.

Even animals enjoy drinking as I have seen on The Discovery Channel. Monkeys and elephants imbibe on fruits that fall in ponds and ferment, making a crude alcohol. You should see drunken elephants and monkeys staggering and carrying on, out of control, just like humans.

So, ladies and gentlemen, teenagers and children, raise your glasses, have another round, this drink is on me. “Give me some wine, fill full. I drink to the general joy of the whole table,” said Macbeth. I bet he didn’t drink responsibly.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Too much drinking has its perils and many messages have been promoted to curtail it. Some will heed them, others won’t. I believe in focusing on the young. I have written a powerful TV docudrama about the pitfalls of drinking, but simply cannot get the funds to produce it.

I have tried all the avenues available, only to be met by rejection and naysayers. It’s a serious topic, yet no one wants to take it seriously. Other countries have produced their own versions, movies, TV docudramas, some still riveted in my mind, yet we won’t.

You’ll see other trite things being produced, but I guess I’m just hoping for too much. It’s so frustrating that it’s enough to drive a man to drink. Not me, though.

Speaking of documentaries, we have no historical video documentaries of our icons in Jamaican theatre. Again, funding is the excuse. More anon.