Jamaican parents are one of a kind when we’re talking about parents around the world. When we’re talking about them as a collective, however, perhaps they’re not so original. At some point or another it is all but guaranteed that a Jamaican child will have heard these words and experienced these scenarios. Have a read to discover your (well, your parent’s) all-time favourite:

10 Go get di belt! (Go and get the belt)

The basic instruction we’ve all heard. You have to wonder if it’s on the first page of the ‘Jamaican Parenting Guide’ handbook.

9 Lock off di light/TV/radio! (Turn off the light/TV)

The instruction we’ve all heard once it gets to a certain time in the night. What else are supposed to do at night? Sleep?!

8 Come guh a shop and buy couple tings fi me. (Go to the shop and buy a few things for me)

We all know that once we’ve said yes, the ‘couple tings’ will be more like a very long market list.

7 Fix yu face! (Don’t look so miserable.)

“But Mom, this is my natural face. And I didn’t get it from me either.” The thoughts we wouldn’t dare answer with.

6 Yuh cudden wash up di two likkle plate dem. (Couldn’t you have washed the few dishes in the sink?)

Rest assured that when you look down, it’ll be a mountain of items in the sink because that’s the meaning of ‘two likkle plates’. *sighs*

5 Go get di belt!

We hear this so often that it just had to be on the list twice. Plus after they read the rude thoughts on your face in #7, you’ll definitely be in line for the results of that belt retrieval.

4 Pass di remote fi me deh! (Hand me the remote)

You’re being summoned from two rooms away – maybe even from the outside. You’ll rush around or bear admonitions about being lazy. But where is the remote, that they had to call us from so far. Oh, two feet away?! Wow.

3 Oh, yu get big now? Figet seh a me used to change you nappy/pampers? (Oh, so you’re an adult now. Have you forgotten that I used to change you as a baby?)

This particular mantra usually follows some snarky comment on our end, and is usually followed by #2, and then maybe #1.

2 Memba seh a me bring you inna this world enuh! (Remember that I gave life to you)

We don’t see how we could forget with all the reminders. This oftentimes doubles as a subtle threat as well.

1 Guh get di cane/stick!

A variation of #10 and #5 because our parents love to mix it up so much. This is actually worse because, more often than not, you have to cut your own punishment. And you best not get anything too light or flimsy.

We love you Mom and Dad. Please don’t beat us for this article. 🙂