By my troth, niece,

Thou wilt never get a husband

If thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

— Shakespeare,Much Ado About Nothing, II, 1

My late father, MG Robinson, used to tell me that a woman’s tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper the more it’s used.

Machetes, knives, swords, scissors, all get dull with prolonged use. But not so a woman’s tongue. Only women can give a tongue lashing, as I have never heard that term applied to a man.

Dear old dad, you got to bless his words of wisdom, perhaps tinged with a touch of chauvinism. But then again, that was a different era, and political correctness wasn’t on the shelves as yet. But he wasn’t the only husband who gave sage advice, neither was he the only one who had a secret wish list for their wives.

Oh yes, many husbands have a secret wish list that they keep under wraps, close to their chests, shared only with perhaps a very close friend, or a bartender, for let’s not forget that self-sharpening tongue of the female.

Some men may talk about it, almost all will think it, but very few will express it to their wives, for the consequences and repercussions can be dire. So, the husband’s wish list, we’ll find out what they are, right after these responses to ‘Signs she wants out’.

Hey Teerob,

Most women are afraid to just come out and tell their men that they want to leave them, to end the relationship. Most out of fear, as we have seen the terrible results of what happens when some women try to leave their men. Murder, or murder suicide.

So instead, they leave subtle signs, drop little hints, become cool or even cold, hoping that the man will get the picture and split. That fear is ingrained in the DNA of most women, and that’s why they will never ever say, “I’m leaving you.” Some flee under cover of darkness.

Erica

Hi Tony,

Re your footnote on Carib Cinema, I also have fond memories going there, and recall seeing such epics as

The Ten Commandments and

Ben Hur, and one of my favourites,

Gunfight at the OK Corral. That was a long time ago, and those stars are long gone. Movie-going nowadays is different and not as pleasant sometimes, especially here in Toronto, as there is chatter, texting and viewing of cellphones. Many of today’s youngsters have little concept of etiquette, protocol, behaviour in a theatre or cinema. I still remember the hot dogs and soft drinks at Carib Cinema

Wickham

Toronto, Canada

“I wish she would….cho….I wish she woulda just…cho…I wish she coulda just…cho….” Many husbands have thought those words but dare not say them to their wives. The reasons are varied, from fear of hurting her delicate feelings and making her cry… “How could you say that to me?” Sob. To fear of unleashing a whirlwind, a typhoon, a tornado that would make a category five hurricane look like a gentle breeze.

“How Kirk running so fast down the road?”

“He told his wife his wish list.”

So, most husbands keep their wishes to themselves. But some told me, and I am behooved to share them for public knowledge.

Spontaneity is a big wish, and many husbands would love their wives to be more spontaneous. Most wives are homemakers who plan the running of the household with almost military precision, leaving nothing to chance. Minute details are taken care of. This hardly leaves any room for spontaneity, as she has certain days to do the groceries, clean the house, supervise the helper, prune the plants, wash the laundry, see to the children, then do her hair.

“Honey, can’t you just drop that and let’s go to the beach?” This is the cry from more than one husband.

One big wish though, and you know that I was coming to this one, is the wish that wives would initiate sex more. Some wives do, but many women were brought up in an almost Puritanical household where it’s ingrained that it’s only the man who should initiate sex.

This has occurred for centuries, and true, it may have changed somewhat, but the remnants are still in the genes of many women. In the old days, a wife dare not bring up sex argument to her husband. “Say what, you desire sex from thou? Woman, thou art demented and possessed by devils.”

As a result, many wives simply leave it up to the man, even though many men secretly wish that their wives would come on, grab them, kiss them, throw them down and have their way with them sometimes.

Mark you, be careful what you wish for, as some men have been known to can’t handle the work and beg for mercy. “Still, it’s nice to feel desired even once in a while,” say some husbands.

Some men did an experiment and didn’t approach their wives for sex for weeks. The results varied, from one wife wondering if he was getting it elsewhere, to another secretly expressing relief that he stopped pestering her for sex. One woman even thought that her man had turned gay. But none of them made the first move. Instead, they waited and waited and wondered.

As simple as it may seem, many husbands wished that their wives would go out sometimes with their girlfriends. Not too often, mind you, for too much of that henhouse business cannot be good. But every now and then, they wish that the women would do something without hubby, and not cling so tenaciously to him. That’s why men crave their night out with the boys. It’s just to get away for a few hours and shoot the breeze. Husbands wish that wives would do that too.

Husbands wish that their wives would tell them what they’re thinking. Many women brood and sulk and expect hubby to read their minds. The standard response is ‘nothing’.

“Hi honey, what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing.”

“Hi sweets, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.”

“Baby, what ticked you off today?”

“Nothing.”

When the romantic said, “Whisper sweet nothings in my ear,” he didn’t mean say nothing in my ears all the time. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing, are the words of a popular song. So, a reaction, any reaction or response, is better than ‘nothing.’

Now we get to the phone, which has become the bane of many relationships, resulting in break-ups, suspicions and even divorce. So much forensic phone evidence has wrecked many romances, from finding secret text messages to undeleted voicemails.

It’s proven that women use the phone far more than men, and as a result, many husbands secretly wish that their wives would put down the instrument even for a little bit. Hey, this is not my opinion, but taken from telephone research. Google telephone usage and see the startling results.

It’s as if the phone is fixed to some women’s ears. While in the car, while walking through the door after a day at work, while shopping, having dinner, while at the gym, she’s on the phone. Remember the song, “You talk too much, you worry me to death, you talk too much, you even worry my pet, you just talk, talk, talk, too much.” And that song was written long before the advent of cellphones. Interestingly, if you point out this fact to women, they will deny it vehemently.

One husband even complained that his wife was on the phone during lovemaking. Clearly she found the call to be more interesting than what he was doing. Unbelievable, but he swore that it was true.

There are husbands who wished that their wives would appreciate them more and tell them thanks, even for the little things, and not take them for granted. After taking her car to be serviced, picking up the children from school, buying the groceries sometimes, even just being there for her when she’s feeling low, a simple thank you would be nice. Don’t be like the man who wished that his wife should thank him for making love to her. That is simply idiotic.

Listen, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Some of us are lucky to have great wives and either don’t need a wish list, or have a very short one. But others really have a wish list that’s longer than the Constitution. Wishing and hoping and dreaming is more than just a song, it is a reality for many husbands.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: It’s often said that the law is an ass, and that criminals laugh while lawmakers talk and talk and talk. Those old sayings ring true, as I have lost count of the numerous plans that were talked about to combat crime for years and years. Criminals have no rules and wreak havoc on society even as many policemen feel frustrated, demoralised and hobbled, as almost every action that they do is scrutinised, questioned and doubted.

Many cops say that they won’t go the extra mile. They’ll just put in the basic hours, then go home, as they feel unappreciated. Fortunately, most still do their duty. The perception is that criminals have more rights than law abiding citizens. Dealing with hardened criminals is not for the fainthearted. It’s very easy to criticise. How many people have had to fight for their lives?

To all the moms, happy Mother’s Day.

To all the moms, happy Mother’s Day.