My grief’s so great

That no supporter but the huge firm earth

Can hold it up:

Here I and sorrow sit.

– Shakespeare, King John, III, 1

A few weeks ago, I was speaking with a young lady who I’ve known from birth, as her parents and I were very good friends. We lost contact due to migration so naturally, I enquired about them, not knowing that her mom had passed away.“So how are your mom and dad, still holding those parties?” I asked. “Well, mommy passed away a few years ago in the US, and since then, daddy has simply faded to black,” was her reply. For those in the film industry, or even avid moviegoers, the term fade to black is not unfamiliar. It’s used to describe a scene that slowly dissolves from picture to infinity, slowly disappearing until only blackness remains on the screen.This time, however, was the first time that I had heard it used when referring to a living person, and it not only piqued my interest, but also made me a little sad. It was brilliant in its description and led to my writing this today.We’ll see where ‘Fade to Black’ takes us, right after I segue to these responses to OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I know a guy with that malady. He would keep checking the lock on his front door incessantly, always making sure it was locked, turning the key several times. He would greet other people, not by shaking hands, but doing a fist bump. He didn’t like being touched, caressed, kissed, and God forbid, actually having something as messy as sex. I can only imagine what he would constantly be washing under those circumstances.I know of what you speak brother, as I’m married to the original textbook OCD person. As she walks through the door she starts to dust and clean before she even puts down her handbag. Not a speck of dust must be on the floor, every cushion must be in place, every curtain and towel must be perfectly aligned. All this is done before she even reaches the living room. As for sex, ha! I better be operating-theatre clean before I can touch her. OCD to the max.When a movie fades to black, it ends, goes to oblivion, leaving what may come only to the imagination of the viewer. It’s usually sad, and many moviegoers prefer happy endings anyway, as it leaves a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, order. That’s why most cowboy shows of old had the star riding off into the sunset, sometimes with a girl, as that was more positive, optimistic, filled with hope and a bright future. “And they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.” They call them ‘feel good’ movies, and they’re usually fiction. The difference between fiction and non-fiction though is that fiction has to make sense or people won’t like it. “Star cyaan dead til last reel, or the show nuh good.”Well, in the very same way that movies fade to black and end with no hope, people also fade to black, as they simply give up, sink into a chasm of despair, mired in the quicksand of hopelessness. There is a song by the 70s group War that addressed that….Slippin’ into Darkness.Slipping into darkness is pretty much the same as fading to black, I guess, and it affects more people than you may think. For many, the reasons are apparent, for others, it’s a mystery. Even from my childhood I was exposed to examples of people fading to black. There was this girl — the sister of one of my teenage friends — who for most of her high school days, would come home from school, go to her darkened room, and remain inside until the next day.Summer holidays when we were out gallivanting like giraffes, gambolling like gnus, and leaping like leggo beasts, she would stay locked in her room, in the dark. There was a deep depression, akin to a sinkhole, in her mattress due to her laying there so much. We found her behaviour amusingly weird, and laughed it off as such. You know how cruel children can be. “Hey Patrick, how come yuh sister so strange, she demented? Hahahahah.”Little did we know that even from an early age she had faded to black, having no friends, no interaction with others, literally giving up on normal life, preferring to seek solace in the confines of her sad mind. No one knew why, as her siblings who lived in the same environment as her were all quite balanced and okay.That was decades ago but I never forgot her, as her behaviour haunted me. Fast-forward to my good friend who lost his wife overseas a few years ago. He truly loved her and they were not only soulmates, but worked together as well. Now, this was a man who was exuberant, ambitious, humorous and filled any room that he walked into. He was larger than life, as the saying goes. That’s how I remembered him. But now, according to his daughter, he’s given up on life, stopped working, turned down job offers, stopped seeing people, and faded to black. Loss and grief can do that. “Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak whispers the o’erfraught heart.” – Macbeth.Since then I’ve spoken to several people about this malady and learnt that it is not uncommon. “Plenty people simply give up on life when they see no hope on the horizon,” said this clinical psychologist. “It’s usually associated with loss.” Older people in the media may remember this prominent Jamaican journalist who took his own life many years ago because of what he perceived to be the terrible state of the world. The deluge of bad news simply got to him and he not only faded to black, but shut down the cinema permanently. Not all who fade to black are suicidal, but it’s often the beginning of that sad slide down that slippery slope to oblivion. For many, they die a thousand times, as they exist in a state of constant despair and depression, drowning in their sorrow and rarely coming up for a breath of fresh air or to let the sun bathe their skin with its warmth. Some embrace this condition so much that they actually grow to love it and feel comfortable within its confines. It’s their norm.Perhaps men tend to mask it a bit more, and may drown their sorrow in demon rum, while it may seem more obvious in women, who tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves. Many women who have experienced broken relationships suffer from this, as they fade to black, often never to recover. They sink into a deep depression, ebbing and flowing from melancholy to sadness and underlying anger. “She lost her man and lost her mind, gave up on life and faded to black.”I hope I’m not perceived as being melancholy, maudlin, morose, mirthless, this week, but I was really moved to hear of my once-upbeat friend who has now disappeared from society, from family and friends, and simply faded to black. I have done research on the subject and discovered that in many cases there is also self-loathing, anger, guilt and self-pity. Oh yes, there are people who are so wracked with guilt that they hate themselves and either take out this anger on others, or fade away into the dark recesses of their mind. They live in their own self-imposed prison and if you’re close to them, they’ll drag you in too, making you an unwilling cellmate.Very often, people who try to save drowning victims get pulled under by the very same person they’re trying to keep afloat. Dark as the future may seem, there is usually a light to combat that depressing fade to black. More time.

A few weeks ago, I was speaking with a young lady who I’ve known from birth, as her parents and I were very good friends. We lost contact due to migration so naturally, I enquired about them, not knowing that her mom had passed away.

“So how are your mom and dad, still holding those parties?” I asked. “Well, mommy passed away a few years ago in the US, and since then, daddy has simply faded to black,” was her reply. For those in the film industry, or even avid moviegoers, the term fade to black is not unfamiliar. It’s used to describe a scene that slowly dissolves from picture to infinity, slowly disappearing until only blackness remains on the screen.

This time, however, was the first time that I had heard it used when referring to a living person, and it not only piqued my interest, but also made me a little sad. It was brilliant in its description and led to my writing this today.

We’ll see where ‘Fade to Black’ takes us, right after I segue to these responses to OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Hi Tony,

I know a guy with that malady. He would keep checking the lock on his front door incessantly, always making sure it was locked, turning the key several times. He would greet other people, not by shaking hands, but doing a fist bump. He didn’t like being touched, caressed, kissed, and God forbid, actually having something as messy as sex. I can only imagine what he would constantly be washing under those circumstances.

Carlton

Teerob,

I know of what you speak brother, as I’m married to the original textbook OCD person. As she walks through the door she starts to dust and clean before she even puts down her handbag. Not a speck of dust must be on the floor, every cushion must be in place, every curtain and towel must be perfectly aligned. All this is done before she even reaches the living room. As for sex, ha! I better be operating-theatre clean before I can touch her. OCD to the max.

Winston

When a movie fades to black, it ends, goes to oblivion, leaving what may come only to the imagination of the viewer. It’s usually sad, and many moviegoers prefer happy endings anyway, as it leaves a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, order. That’s why most cowboy shows of old had the star riding off into the sunset, sometimes with a girl, as that was more positive, optimistic, filled with hope and a bright future.

“And they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.” They call them ‘feel good’ movies, and they’re usually fiction. The difference between fiction and non-fiction though is that fiction has to make sense or people won’t like it. “Star cyaan dead til last reel, or the show nuh good.”

Well, in the very same way that movies fade to black and end with no hope, people also fade to black, as they simply give up, sink into a chasm of despair, mired in the quicksand of hopelessness.

There is a song by the 70s group War that addressed that….Slippin’ into Darkness.

Slipping into darkness

Take my mind beyond the dreams

I was slipping into darkness, yeah

Take my mind beyond the dreams

Slipping into darkness, yeah

All my troubles so I choose

I was slipping into darkness

All my troubles so I choose.

Slipping into darkness is pretty much the same as fading to black, I guess, and it affects more people than you may think. For many, the reasons are apparent, for others, it’s a mystery. Even from my childhood I was exposed to examples of people fading to black. There was this girl — the sister of one of my teenage friends — who for most of her high school days, would come home from school, go to her darkened room, and remain inside until the next day.

Summer holidays when we were out gallivanting like giraffes, gambolling like gnus, and leaping like leggo beasts, she would stay locked in her room, in the dark. There was a deep depression, akin to a sinkhole, in her mattress due to her laying there so much. We found her behaviour amusingly weird, and laughed it off as such. You know how cruel children can be. “Hey Patrick, how come yuh sister so strange, she demented? Hahahahah.”

Little did we know that even from an early age she had faded to black, having no friends, no interaction with others, literally giving up on normal life, preferring to seek solace in the confines of her sad mind. No one knew why, as her siblings who lived in the same environment as her were all quite balanced and okay.

That was decades ago but I never forgot her, as her behaviour haunted me. Fast-forward to my good friend who lost his wife overseas a few years ago. He truly loved her and they were not only soulmates, but worked together as well.

Now, this was a man who was exuberant, ambitious, humorous and filled any room that he walked into. He was larger than life, as the saying goes. That’s how I remembered him. But now, according to his daughter, he’s given up on life, stopped working, turned down job offers, stopped seeing people, and faded to black. Loss and grief can do that. “Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak whispers the o’erfraught heart.” – Macbeth.

Since then I’ve spoken to several people about this malady and learnt that it is not uncommon. “Plenty people simply give up on life when they see no hope on the horizon,” said this clinical psychologist. “It’s usually associated with loss.”

Older people in the media may remember this prominent Jamaican journalist who took his own life many years ago because of what he perceived to be the terrible state of the world. The deluge of bad news simply got to him and he not only faded to black, but shut down the cinema permanently.

Not all who fade to black are suicidal, but it’s often the beginning of that sad slide down that slippery slope to oblivion. For many, they die a thousand times, as they exist in a state of constant despair and depression, drowning in their sorrow and rarely coming up for a breath of fresh air or to let the sun bathe their skin with its warmth. Some embrace this condition so much that they actually grow to love it and feel comfortable within its confines. It’s their norm.

Perhaps men tend to mask it a bit more, and may drown their sorrow in demon rum, while it may seem more obvious in women, who tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves. Many women who have experienced broken relationships suffer from this, as they fade to black, often never to recover. They sink into a deep depression, ebbing and flowing from melancholy to sadness and underlying anger. “She lost her man and lost her mind, gave up on life and faded to black.”

I hope I’m not perceived as being melancholy, maudlin, morose, mirthless, this week, but I was really moved to hear of my once-upbeat friend who has now disappeared from society, from family and friends, and simply faded to black.

I have done research on the subject and discovered that in many cases there is also self-loathing, anger, guilt and self-pity. Oh yes, there are people who are so wracked with guilt that they hate themselves and either take out this anger on others, or fade away into the dark recesses of their mind. They live in their own self-imposed prison and if you’re close to them, they’ll drag you in too, making you an unwilling cellmate.

Very often, people who try to save drowning victims get pulled under by the very same person they’re trying to keep afloat. Dark as the future may seem, there is usually a light to combat that depressing fade to black.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

The media coverage was great – print, radio and TV. On the electronic side, our ownI would have loved to have heard live commentary from Hubert Lawrence, Lance Whittaker and Olympian Juliet Cuthbert. That would have been the icing on the cake. We must thank our coaches and athletes, Usain Bolt, Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, Elaine Thompson, Omar McLeod, and others for blessing us with their prowess. We should be grateful. We will never see another Bolt in our lifetime.

Footnote: The Olympics in Rio, Brazil, really lived up to expectations and even moreso, dispelled the prophecy of the naysayers, doubters and ‘doom merchants’. It was truly a fantastic spectacle and once again, this tiny nation showed the world how big we really are, punching above our weight class and triumphing.

The media coverage was great – print, radio and TV. On the electronic side, our own

TVJ was outstanding, with great panelists and presenters. Great FLOW multi-package and fantastic Digicel-Play instant rewind feature. Congrats to all.

I would have loved to have heard live commentary from Hubert Lawrence, Lance Whittaker and Olympian Juliet Cuthbert. That would have been the icing on the cake. We must thank our coaches and athletes, Usain Bolt, Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, Elaine Thompson, Omar McLeod, and others for blessing us with their prowess. We should be grateful. We will never see another Bolt in our lifetime.