Writing a regular column for the Jamaica Observer gives you the opportunity to reflect on past or present issues and at the same time add a fresh new perspective to what people are thinking about current events. We delve into politics, sports, foreign affairs, domestic issues, personalities, journalism, economics, and everybody’s business but our own. From the safety of our armchairs we conjure up things that should be or should not be; and not necessarily how they should be but how we see them.

For those sometimes excruciatingly long hours that we spend staring at a blank sheet of paper, a reward eventually comes with the first word setting off a torrent of story ideas, evaluations, comments.

The truth is that I try to write on a wide range of subjects, although I particularly enjoy writing from the historical perspective. I have also learnt much from the other columnists who write on a much higher plane than I do. I enjoy and respect their offerings.

A sense of humour doesn’t hurt, especially when the Jamaican political hit parade takes centre stage as it has these past three weeks.

Strange happenings have certainly provided enough material for the armchair journalist. For example, today’s People’s National Party (PNP) conference, meeting, or whatever it’s called, packs enough punches to invite copious media coverage.

With all due respect to this venerable party, its internal elections have taken on a kind of dramatic, comedic appearance that will keep us glued to our seats as the candidates fret and strut their way across the stage.

The party says it’s renewing itself, but we shall watch fascinated as the same faces turn up for the before and after photos at the head table. The two spoilers in the mix are Lisa Hanna, described as “forthright“ (was this an intentional play on words?) by her campaign director, K D Knight, and Dr Karl Blythe, who will be better served diagnosing the physical fitness of the two major US presidential candidates from their television appearances.

The main actor is, of course, the party leader, who is unlikely to give more than a sedate performance today as she tries to restore some semblance of order and reason into the fray.

However, all eyes are on the forthright Hanna, and even though I write before the election, no doubt her victory speech has been already carefully prepared and she may well be cast into the new role of Pretender to the Throne.

But don’t for a moment believe that the Comrades are having all the fun. The Labourites, probably jealous of the headline treatment that the Opposition has been receiving, have upped the ante by throwing a ball at Contractor General Dirk Harrison that may yet earn them their own star role next week if Harrison decides to stick to his guns. The decision is described by the

Observer as a huge rebuff of the Office of the Contractor General’s recommendations that the Government revoke the conditional approval given by the previous Government, as well as the carrier and service provider licences which were granted previously.

We haven’t been given all the details that can allow us to assess the merits or demerits of the action, but undoubtedly this will not be the end of the argument. Yes, the contractor general is up to his neck with party and local government investigations, but I sense that this move by the Government to overthrow his recommendations is going to have — pardon the expression — some kickbacks.

To tell the truth, thanks to the PNP’s foibles, the Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) Government has been on easy street; for example, how come nobody is seriously bawling about the dollar slide, the Nicodemus highway toll, the gas pump unmovable stiff prices, and the promise to contain crime (read murder)?

The JLP has been given a free ride because I believe we like their style of government led by the candid and energetic approach taken so far by Prime Minister Andrew Holness. The hiccoughs over the education policy changes, the slowdown in the prosperity train, the Marcus Garvey Drive reconstruction work that led to last week’s flooding, have all been treated with a refreshing dose of Andrews; but that telephone licence is going to stick in the throat in the face of promised transparency.

But if you think the Jamaican political scene is fun, take a look at what’s happening in the US. The election campaign took on a new twist this week with the “show me yours and I’ll show you mine” health records.

First it was Hillary Clinton, God bless her, who stumbled literally and metaphorically by not disclosing that she had been diagnosed with pneumonia on the Friday before her bout of illness. This incident will not help her in the polls. Thank God she has recovered, although her report card reads like a kind of

Reader’s Digest ‘I am Hillary’s ear, nose and throat’ article.

Donald Trump’s report, on the other hand, was hilarious. He chose to disclose his latest physical health card on

The Dr Oz Show in a bizarre attempt at what he, no doubt, considers effective public disclosure. It was theatre-funny to watch him as he coyly asked Dr Oz, “Wanna see mine?”, taking out a paper from his jacket pocket, which seemed to have puzzled the good doctor. To Trump’s credit, however, Dr Oz later said that, from what he had seen, he had no concerns about the candidate’s health.

Listen, if my readers are having any concerns of their own over the political football games here and abroad, I advise you to take two aspirins, a good dose of humour, and call me in the morning. On that note, and to help you laugh on a Sunday morning, I remind you of tales told earlier of my humorous experiences with some of the most revered pastor figures I have met. They always left me comfortable with the realisation that behind the robe and the collar, they were all incredibly human.

Anglican leaders and Kingston College old boys all testify to the wit and humour of former Lord Bishop of Jamaica Percival Gibson. From a KC old boys’ tribute we are told of a case where “Priest”, as the principal and founder of the college was called, rebuked a boy who had shouted expletives to another beginning with the words “You is…” The bishop reminded the young man it was a grave offence against English grammar to say “You is…; “You are” was the proper usage. The expletives did not rate a mention.

Lennon High School in Mocho celebrates 45 years this year, and its founder, Archdeacon Augustus Larkland Lennon — I believe Jamaica’s first missionary to Africa — returned to the island as state commissioner for relief following the 1951 hurricane. “Archdeacon” was the closest you could get to a real missionary in those days, and as children of the village we were fascinated with the stories told by this tall, gaunt and imposing-looking gentleman who had bequeathed 10 acres of his 46-acre property for the establishment of the school.

I think it was the Archdeacon who left this one on our verandah, after we, the younger ones, were told by my mother to go to bed and shut our ears:

A missionary went to Africa and for a long time struggled with the tribal language. One Sunday he arrived late for a church service and found the building packed, with only one seat in the front pew left for him. Not wanting to make a fool of himself, he decided to imitate the man seated next to him. So when the man clapped, the missionary clapped too, and when the man stood up to pray, he stood up as well.

Towards the end of the service, during the announcements, the man again stood up, so our missionary stood up, too. At that moment a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down.

After service the preacher met him at the door, shook hands, and said, “I take it you don’t understand the language.” The missionary replied, “No, I don’t. Was it that obvious?”

“Well, yes”, said the preacher. “During the notices I announced that a baby boy had just been born in the village and would the proud father stand up.”

Remember, take two aspirins, a good dose of humour… but on second thoughts, don’t call me in the morning.

Lance Neita is a public and community relations consultant and writer. Send comments to the Observer orlanceneita@hotmail.com.