Yoked
You see how full of change his age is…
He always loved our sister most,
And with what poor judgement
He has now cast her off.
— Shakespeare,King Lear, I, 1
Yes, he loved their sister most, but now he has cast her off, dismissed her, sent her packing, kicked her to the kerb. Maybe he did so because he realised that they were unequally yoked. But what does yoked really mean though? What is a yoke, and what do people mean when they say that couples are unequally yoked?
Well, by definition, a yoke is a wooden implement that is placed over the necks of oxen or horses, keeping them together so that they can pull a plough or cart. They then move as one unit.
If they are matched in size, then they both fit evenly in the yoke and operate smoothly. But if they are not even in size, then they won’t match but be lopsided, as one is big and the other small, leading to an imbalance.
I guess it’s like putting a stallion and a donkey in a yoke to pull a cart or plough. A mismatch of asinine proportions. Get the picture?
We’ll see what this whole yoke thing is about, right after sex… ‘Sex myths’ that is.
Hi Tony,
It seems most of the myths around sex were invented by men to convince women that it was safe to have sex with them. As for the myth that bigger is better, or women complaining that it’s too big, size matters not. It’s how you use the tool that’s important. And I can attest that grandma and grandpa, like good wine, get better with age and experience.
Carlos
Tony,
People need sex myths in order to satisfy their carnal fantasies. In their minds, the reality is too mundane, too boring, too same old, same old. So they cling to the old tales of men having to ravish women to satisfy them, and using a giant hammer too. They believe in servicing young virgins and sex with multiple women at the same time. It’s the myth that keeps them alive.
Ingrid
I remember once when my better half and I were dancing at a function, a perfect stranger came over to us and said, “You guys match till you can’t match nuh more.” I guess he meant that we made a perfect couple on the dance floor, and in essence complemented each other. We thanked him for the compliment.
Physically, many people are equally yoked and it’s important in certain areas. After all, a man who’s too small wouldn’t match with a very tall woman. Just like the oxen that pull together, if they mismatch they’ll be unbalanced. But the physical attributes in humans are not really that important.
So from time to time we hear of people being unequally yoked. What the heck does that really mean? It comes from the
Bible, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians, 6:14
In other words, you can’t put a devout church person with an unbeliever, a heathen with a Christian. I’m sure that it goes even further, as you can’t match a Jew with a Gentile, a Hindu with a Moslem, a Rasta with a pork eater, and so on.
That sounds simple enough, and yet it isn’t. Even members of the clergy differ on the subject and cannot seem to come to terms with the interpretation. Just last week I heard these two men of the cloth having a discussion about this unequally yoked phenomenon. Believe me, they could not be more unequally yoked on that radio programme, as they bickered and dithered and opposed each other on the subject, both hurling biblical phrases at each other.
But in my layman’s eyes, I figure that being unequally yoked means that physically, spiritually, emotionally, educationally and sexually, they just do not match. Remember my analogy about the two oxen of different size? Unbalanced.
And yet, people still want to defy the odds and think that they can live through their vast differences. Sometimes you can just look at two people and know that they are unequally yoked.
She is a happy-go-lucky, carefree, high-spirited, young at heart woman. While he is a crotchety, miserable, sour -faced, surly, old in thought and deeds man. From the get go you can see that they do not match, are unequally yoked. And yet they still try to overlook the obvious differences and want to be together. “I know that we don’t see eye to eye on things, but love will get us through.” Love may be blind, but is it deaf, dumb and stupid too?
Love conquers all they say, but it cannot overcome being unequally yoked. So much so that one of the aforementioned preachers even suggested that his church forbade people who were unequally yoked to marry each other. “I’m sorry Sister Barbara, I cannot allow you to marry that man as he is not of our faith.”
At times, relatives and friends too can see it from a mile off, and say, “Is what she see in him? They are two opposites. She have her PhD and him didn’t even finish primary school.”
Being equally yoked means sharing similar interests, at least in some things. It doesn’t mean that you have to be clones of each other. If the man loves classical music and opera but his woman is into hip hop and dancehall, that’s being unequally yoked, and the sweet music to his ears won’t be the hard dancehall beat. As for the opera, she can’t stand even one aria of it. After a while, they’ll both gravitate towards persons of similar interests. “Where yu husband?”
“Him gone to de opera.”
“Come baby, mek we opera-te pon de riddim.”
The yoke of sexuality is a very important one, yet many people tend to downplay it when choosing a mate, thinking that it will work itself out. That’s why I can never understand how some couples abstain from sex before marriage.
How utterly irresponsible, naïve and foolhardy. Marriage is supposed to be for life; sex adds to the life of marriages and is a very important component, and yet people would risk being unequally yoked in the sex department?
Libidos differ, size differs, interest differs, desire differs, and yet you’d leave that to chance like you’re buying the lotto? Many couples marry only to discover very early that they are poles apart in the sex department. Why don’t the clergymen tell young couples that fact?
She loves affection, he does not. He wants sex frequently, while frequently to her means once every six months.
“Honey, I bought a 12-pack of condoms.”
“Good, that should last us for the year.”
I see it in the advice columns all the time, and the result is always anguish, frustration and emotional disaster. If they were equally yoked in that arena, they wouldn’t be singing the blues now. “Dear Doc, she says that sex is only for procreation. I wish I knew that before we got married.”
So the
Bible may speak of being unequally yoked in the spiritual and religious department, but I take it further, to the temporal level. I’m not saying that couples should be mirror images of each other, as that can also be bad. After all, it’s our differences that add to our attraction. But if there are too many glaring differences, then more than likely it will not work.
The
Bible also says that you should not kick against the goad, as it’s an exercise in futility — a goad being a spiked implement that guides the feet of oxen, making them walk in a straight line. It’s futile for the oxen to kick against it, so he has to just keep on plowing.
Trying to make unequally yoked persons become equally yoked is often futile, even though women try to change every man who they become involved with.
So make sure that you and your partner are equally yoked in most departments. You certainly don’t want an unbalanced relationship where you don’t match at all. More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: I have seen a lot of things and I have also suffered loss of loved ones. But the sudden passing of young St George’s College footballer Dominic James, while playing his favourite sport, brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t know the lad, but I went to a football-loving high school, KC, and know the bond that sport brings. When I saw coach Neville Bell on TV lamenting the tragedy, it brought more tears to my eyes. Every time I saw him I cried. But even in his grief, coach Bell was heaping praises on those who assisted Dominic and who grieved for him. That’s how magnanimous and honourable he is.
I identify with coach Bell, young Dominic and his high school fraternity. I suggest that his memory be perpetuated by having an annual competition between St George’s, XLCR, JC and KC to honour the chap. Plus, name a cup after him, such as the Dominic James Cup for the most disciplined team.