She loved me for the dangers I had pass’d,

And I loved her

That she did pity them.

— Shakespeare, Othello, 1,3

Very few things tug at a woman’s feelings as pity does. Oh yes, maybe it stems from their nurturing maternal instincts, a need to comfort and protect, or perhaps it’s just their innate sensitivity that makes them feel pity for others, especially men. Whatever the reason may be, women tend to feel pity for men… sometimes.

Unfortunately many men aren’t aware of this, and mistakenly think that it’s a genuine feeling of love, desire, or passion why the woman gives in and makes love to him, or rather allows him to make love to her.

Well, you had better think again, for in many situations is sorry she sorry for you why she gave in to your pleading. Weren’t you aware, didn’t you get the memo that some women are with men and will have sex with them out of sheer pity? And yet you always thought it was because of your great personality, your dashing good looks combined with your charismatic charm why she gave in to you.

Think again, for pity sex is a very real phenomenon, and it cuts both ways too, for men also dole out pity sex. We’ll find out more about these pitiful encounters right after these responses to ‘Pressure must drop’.

Hi Tony,

You were right when you stated that stress is a huge contributor to high blood pressure. There are other factors such as smoking, obesity, lack of physical activity and too much salt and alcohol. Of course, family history is also a factor. I believe that while many Jamaicans are afflicted by these factors, we are naturally a laid- back, easy-going people who are not easily stressed. At least it used to be so when I lived there. This may account for us being alive and kicking while North Americans are dropping like burst balloons.

Wickham

Ontario, Toronto

Hey Tony,

I too saw Basil Dawkins’ play Pressure Drop and felt the same way that you did, fascinated by how much art imitates life. Or is it that life imitates art? I could see myself and my family right there on the stage and didn’t feel so alone with my challenges as I used to be. In regards to the fact you highlighted about high blood pressure and Jamaicans having a high tolerance, it’s true. My father has been living with extreme hypertension for decades, refuses to take medication, and is still up and about. We probably are made of sterner stuff.

Melanie

One type of sex that we hardly hear about is pity sex. Oh, we all know about sex for passion, sex for love, sex for lust, even sex for money, but sex for pity is hardly spoken of. That’s because no one dares to admit it.

“Why you made love to me?”

“Oh, I’m just sorry for you, that’s why.”

“Well, nuh bodda sorry fi me.” See the ramifications of admitting that?

Well, it does exist, and is more widespread than you may think. Women do it a lot, and men also, but to a lesser degree. Because women know that men always want sex, as I have explored before, sometimes they just give in, not because they really want to, but because they feel sorry for the man.

“When I see how him get miserable and cranky because he wasn’t getting any, I felt sorry for him and gave in.” Some men have been known to cry, weep, shed copious tears, just to have sex with a woman. Sometimes it works, for women can be caring creatures. “Okay baby, stop your crying now, you can come sleep with me.”

But hear this story now. I know this woman who absolutely does not like sex and has admitted it over the years. She always felt that way and said that as far as she’s concerned, she can live without it. The irony is, she’s very attractive, exudes sex appeal and is desired by men. Talk about false advertising.

So in order to maintain a modicum of sexual respectability she has had boyfriends and even got married. The result was always the same, sexual frustration for the men and eventual break up.

I had to ask her, “If you hate sex so much, how did your marriage last for those years?” Her response almost knocked me for a loop. “Oh, I just had pity sex with him when I think he was starving for it,” she said. She even admitted that she just lay there and let the man satisfy himself, then she gets up after and turns on the TV. Needless to say, men did not stay very long with her.

There have been circumstances where pity sex is justified though, and even welcomed. Like when a man has a physical problem and can’t function normally. The average woman may not have the patience to deal with that, but there are some who will administer pity sex. “I know that he’s diabetic and has problems in that department, so I decided to help him out.” Now that’s sexual benevolence which is to be admired.

I’m pretty sure that prostitutes have a lot of pity sex, for when those men come to them with all sorts of quirks, anxieties and kinkiness, they accommodate them. The only difference is that they are compensated for this charitable exercise, which is not charity at all.

Younger women have pity-sex with older men too, with the irony being, the old guy isn’t even aware of it. She’s 22 and he’s 72, what type of sex does she have with him but pity sex!? “Him old and mash up but I feel sorry for him, so I give him on occasion, mostly weekends,” she says. There’s a statute of limitations on pity sex though, and it often doesn’t last for very long as after a while the pity runs out, as does she.

Recently I was at a function and saw some older men who I hadn’t seen in many years. They were married to much younger women years ago, so naturally I enquired of the whereabouts of the wives and was told with alarming alacrity, “Oh, they all cut and run, left them cold and dry, no more pity sex.”

That’s the danger of marrying a much older man that many young women fail to see; when he touches the high 70s, it’s downhill from there, meanwhile she’s still in her 40s. Do the math. “Even with all the pity in the world, I still couldn’t stay with him,” the young wife said. Some may stay, but have a young lover on the side.

What do these men think anyway, that these women, young enough to be their daughters, will stay with them forever? Those who do stay are just waiting for the old codgers to kick the bucket so they can start to live some life with their own generation. Sounds cruel, but it’s true.

But listen, pity sex goes both ways too, as men sometimes will indulge, oftentimes with disastrous results. On a personal note, I too have participated in pity sex when I was a very young man. Shh, let me whisper and tell you a story.

Many, many, many years ago, in my wild oats youthful days, a young lady who was the best friend of a lady I was dating had her eye and designs on me. I suspect that her friend had told her about me, discussed my prowess. Yes, women chat too. Frankly, she wasn’t my type, and was borderline unattractive, in fact, almost ugly.

But she pursued me relentlessly and eventually, against my better judgement and common sense, I had pity on her and gave in. Hey, even Samson fell to the wiles of Delilah, so don’t judge me. Well, big mistake, for pity sex, charity, good deeds can being severe punishment, especially on a 20-year-old lad.

People, for the first time in my life, my show flopped, de bwoy let me down. No good deed goes unpunished, for it all starts in the brain, and because I wasn’t really into it, my body simply rejected her.

Fortunately my reputation remained intact and I redeemed myself elsewhere, but never again. No more pity sex for me. Remember, shhh, don’t tell a soul, even though it was back in my youthful days.

So, if you’re going to make love, have sex, make sure that it’s for genuine reasons and not out of pity. Far too many wives have told me that they have sex with their husbands only because they feel sorry for them. Some have gone further and admitted to feeling relief when the man’s nature has left him.

I tell the husbands, “Don’t worry about it, sometimes pity sex is better than no sex at all remember, charity begins at home.”

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: People may wonder why criminals are so brazen and emboldened to do their deeds without fear. Well, there is no payback for them, no consequence. I have a problem with this reduced sentence legislation that was recently instituted. There is public outrage at the light sentences that some gunrunners and murderers get after they plead guilty. Despite the legal mumbo-jumbo, I can’t agree with the new law. Justice must appear to be done.

Now, if two men are fighting and one gets punched to the ground, hits his head and dies, I can appreciate the reduced sentence for that crime. But premeditated, cold-blooded murder is different. It was Charles Dickens who said, “The law is an ass.” No wonder the criminals are laughing and boasting, “Mi will kill you and serve few years.”