What, keep a week away, seven days and nights?

Eight score, eight hours? And lovers’ absent hours,

More tedious than the dial eight score times?

A weary reckoning!

— Shakespeare, Othello, III, 4

Time travels in divers paces

With divers persons.

— Shakespeare, As You Like it, III, 2

Space Time is a mathematical model that joins space and time into a single idea called a continuum. Combining these two ideas helped cosmology, no, not cosmetology, to understand how the universe works on the big level, like galaxies, and small levels, like atoms.

But this is not about Albert Einstein’s theory of Space Time, or even E=mc2, energy equals mass times the speed of light squared, but rather something even bigger and more complex than that, ergo, how much space and time people need with each other.

At first it may seem simple, “I want to be with her 24/7, I love her so much.” Or, “I wish that he’d spend more time with me.” But on the flip side, we often hear, “Oh, I wish I had more space to do what I want to do; I feel smothered.”

That is one conundrum that Einstein could not solve, but I’ll give it a whirl. The Space Time Continuum, right after these responses to ‘What’s the attraction’.

Hi Tony,

To answer your question, I am first attracted to a woman’s face, then I check out her legs, firm thighs, well-curved calves. But she doesn’t have to be a raving beauty, just attractive. What keeps me interested would be her sense of humour, kindness, even-tempered, well-mannered, intimate, and affectionate. Those latter trump raving beauty in my eyes, and if diminished, the attraction also wanes.

Carl

Hello Guru,

Attraction is such a subjective concept. What’s beautiful to me is unattractive to you, and that’s the beauty of it. We are conditioned by our social upbringing, genetics, our parents. It’s said that men are attracted to women who remind them of their mothers; and daughters, their fathers. It goes very deep, but what is true, it’s more than just looks, as that is unsustainable. We all look, but many pretty women and handsome men get left on the shelf.

Caroline

This thing called space is so important, and I’m not referring to outer space either. Which reminds me of an incident back in my high school days when a teacher told a boy that he was going to be an astronaut because all he was doing was taking up space in school. And no, that boy was not me.

But enough of high school humour, I’m talking about space in relationships. Space and time are so important, and couples have to maintain a very delicate balance or the whole dolly house will come tumbling down.

I recall these two sets of parents who each had a daughter and son who they thought were too young to get seriously involved. The daughter was enamoured with the boy, and he with her. It bordered on an obsession. So guess what the smart parents did? Arranged to have the two young kids spend a long holiday weekend together at one of the homes.

The rule was that they were to be in close contact at all times, with the parents as chaperones, of course. They slept in the same room, shared bathroom, read, watched TV, ate, and did everything possible together. They were to always be in close proximity.

Well, after just one day, the two kids started to find faults with each other, then by the end of day two they almost couldn’t stand each other. They got on each other’s nerves with the constant closeness.

The lesson, too much of a good thing can go sour, or as we like to say here, “see me and come live with me are two different things.” Space is so important, and no matter what you like in life, if you have too much of it and don’t give it a break, you will ‘clide’. The word is really cloyed, past tense of cloy, meaning to get tired of something after having too much of it. Disgust or sicken with an excess of sweetness, richness or sentiment

It matters not how much you love KFC, Burger King, patties, if you have too much of them every day of your life, ‘yu’ gwine tired a dem’. No matter how you love sex with your other half, if you get it too much you will clide. Every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month. Get the picture? That’s why some women withhold it, just to keep it fresh.

But some people will have none of that, and think that being around each other 24/7 is a good thing. It’s not. Man was not meant to live alone, yes, but people need to have their own space. It’s no wonder that the Man Cave concept has cropped up in our modern day lexicon.

It’s not new however, just that a name has been given to it. Men have retreated to versions of their man caves for centuries. For some it’s the bar, in Britain it’s the pub, where the lads hang out for a pint or two and shoot the breeze. Readers of Andy Capp cartoons will be familiar with the concept. It’s a place to get away, a place to enjoy your space.

For the ladies, it’s girls’ night out-and it often leads to a healthier relationship when couples respect and appreciate this space allotted to them both. Sometimes newlyweds make the mistake of giving up what previous life they enjoyed prior to tying the knot and pour all their activities into each other. “I’m married now, can’t hang out with you guys anymore.”

Some husbands take umbrage when their women suggest that they want some space, as the response will be, “So, is man you want to go look, you tired a me now.” So the wives live in a prison with no space between them. “Even the bathroom he comes in on me; I have no privacy, no space, I feel smothered.”

Space is one thing, as at least you can create your own space even in the confines of your home. But time is another matter. With space you can be in one room and your partner in another, but with time, you are physically apart for an extended period.

I know this guy who has the perfect solution, “My wife and I have great vacations every year. She goes in Easter and I go in summer, hahaha.” Well, that may work for him, but controlling and managing time apart can be a tricky proposition.

Maybe a few days apart may be feasible. If one spouse has to work for a weekend away that may let them appreciate each other more.

“The house just feels so empty without him.”

“She’s away visiting her mother two weeks now and even though she miserable, I still miss her.”

What’s dangerous to the relationships is when the time apart is more pleasurable than the time spent together. Yes, Einstein was right when he said that time was relative.

“Why won’t you spend more time with your relatives, yuh come back so soon?” one man asked. Even as another man said, “My woman vex, not talking to me for two weeks now and I can’t thank her enough as I really needed the time off.”

So, there we have the space time continuum, a delicate balance in the scientific world, and even more so in the complex world of relationships. Couples have to juggle those factors to keep their relationship vibrant. What’s too much space, too little time, too much time? That balance is so important, or one of you may just be taking up space or marking time and not even be aware of it. Remember what that teacher said about the lazy student back in high school. “You’re just taking up space.”

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote:I remember once as a small child in pre-primary school, a teacher told us that children are cruel. I couldn’t understand, and thought that she was mean, for children were supposed to be innocent cherubs who did nothing but laugh and play all day. But that statement stuck with me for my entire life. Ironically, she was correct, as it’s proven more and more each day, children are cruel. A student of mine has a child that has to wear a prosthetic eye, having lost an eye years ago. Well, she is the subject of taunts, jeers, ridicule, mocking, and is even shunned by her schoolmates. They chase her away when she approaches them and she has to eat alone. That 10-year-old child is experiencing a life of living hell, all because of the cruelty of children. Yes, ‘sweet innocent’ children can be cruel, and it’s so sad.