The truth about social media is that people rarely share failures, which has led to the misconception that everyone is doing well. Except, candid discussions with family, friends, co-workers and even strangers on public transportation suggest that people are having a tougher time than their carefully curated online accounts suggest.

From #bae posts making relationships seem more solid than they are to the relentless gym selfies taken with good lighting at deceptive angles, social media often denies the fact that no one is happy all the time or immune to frustrations, disappointments and failures.

Below, I share some of the failures — real and perceived, of myself and several people I take great pleasure in calling friends, with the hope that this dispels some of the ruse created by Instagram filters and carefully thought-out captions.

Paul Allen, Marketing Executive and Occasional Writer (That’s me, by the way)

There is a growing list of things I continue to delay, completing, not the least of which is pursuing several certification courses I think necessary for my professional growth. I have applied for graduate degree programmes three times, deferring twice and not even bothering to respond the third. I have made every excuse under the sun, and then found some in the darkest of black holes, for procrastinating. It’s difficult not to feel in some way less than, particularly when I have friends who are as driven as mine. Except, their lives are not perfect either and they each have failures of their own.

Nicolette Richardson, change communication specialist and blogger at The Grown Up Millennial

“I’ve had a few failures in my time (not to sound like a dinosaur) but that’s the best way to learn. From in the early stages of my career, thinking I had the authority to put out statements for the whole organisation without running it by my boss to just a few years ago trying to make small talk with my co-worker about her pregnancy…and she was not pregnant. You can choose to hide from your failures or own up to them, learn from them, and try to never let them happen again. I’m definitely not asking anyone about their pregnancy ever again. Lol.”

Warren Bertram, Studio Engineer and Disc Jock

“I think it was about 2016/2017 when I chose to leave journalism and had to lean on my side business as my primary source of income. It was like starting a new business — I was becoming an entrepreneur.

Within the music industry a popular thought is that you need to maintain a good social media presence. So, believing in that, I would post any riddims (rhythms) I made or songs I mixed ,regardless of whether they were of good quality or not.

It wasn’t until a year after when I got the opportunity to intern at a recording studio that I learnt that posting sub-par work was only damaging the very same brand that I was trying to build. What I had posted in the previous year didn’t move me forward in terms of getting more (paid) jobs, nor did it increase my reputation within my field.

While maintaining a good social media presence is important for both starting a business and being in music, it is better to show potential customers the best you have to offer versus showing them that you are “doing something.”

Abigail Edwards, Communications Consultant

“Over the span of my career I’ve never had a long-term job. One or two years across multiple organisations, short-term contracts with spells of freelancing in-between. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have experienced the inner workings of multiple government ministries (in Trinidad and Tobago) under different Administrations and for having experienced public relations in an assortment of sectors, locally and internationally. Despite this, disassociation from one fixed place of employment has been challenging. It leaves you in a constant state of transition, which is not always easy. It can sometimes dampen your spirits, especially if you (finally) settle into the rhythm of the organisation.”

Tracey-Ann Mullings, Marketing Executive

“By the age of four I was already considered an excellent student. I always got very good grades but somewhere between high school and university all of that went out the window. I relied on my ‘natural brilliance’ but failed a foundation course and got low grades for a few other courses in my first year. My second and third years fared better but ultimately my GPA was too low for recognition by the university. This hurt me when I started applying for masters programmes and scholarships. I eventually got accepted to a programme but ended up having to pay out of pocket. I got better grades this time around!”

The truth is, failure makes people think their dreams and goals are less achievable because it inevitably affects your rationale that it can be done even while your actual ability to do it remains unchanged. The best response to failure is to determine the factors that you can change, work on them, and not let it limit you.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and sharing it may serve as a catalyst for open and honest conversations. As the kids say, “just post your pic and go”.

— By Paul Allen