Public discourse following the three incidents of women who were recently murdered by their male partners has centred generally on what women do in relationships with men to trigger their own demise.

The popular claim is that the woman used her male partner for was resources, and upon her decision to leave the relationship, the man is driven to take her life because his investment had gone down the drain. But some, on the other hand, say that not much has been said about the perpetrator and his responsibility for his actions.

The Sunday Observer’s Sharlene Hendricks sought the views of Jamaicans to the question: How can men and women in relationships solve or prevent intimate partner violence and/or murder-suicide?

Here are the responses:

Anthony, 33-year-old bus conductor:

Di man dem just need to learn communication and reasoning. You have some man who cyah hold it and tek it to heart. If me and my wife catch up sometimes mi just tek weh myself and go relax. It good when you can avoid di argument because it tek two fi mek a quarrel, so certain violence can avoid. You just need communication and reasoning, or It better them just part.

Orlando Edwards, 21-year-old phone technician:

Some men just nuh strong mentally, emotionally. Them weak, and sometimes di women dem tek advantage of di man’s weakness. But personally, if it reach a point weh me and a woman don’t agree or mi start think fi kill her, that mean say some serious problem deh deh. So instead a hurt her, mi just move on and leave her alone.

Dane Jones, 29-year-old mason:

I believe that if a man and a woman having problems, them supposed to part ways and get somebody else because there are a lot of women out there. There is no need to fight over a woman or hurt a woman. Some men find themself deeply in love and some a dem try fi spend a lot on the ladies and take them as their children. I would tell a man to just walk away because remember, you can always find the ladies who do business out there, and if you need a woman for comfort you can go out and support those ladies.

Adrian, aka Curry Stain, 25-year-old artiste:

Men need fi learn how to understand women, because yuh cyah prevent certain situation from arise once you with a woman. Things don’t have to get physical; you can address the situation verbally and walk away from it. You don’t even have to say anything, just walk away. That is the only physical action that should be taken.

Them say money is the root of all evil, and when you invest in something it nuh easy fi walk away. So the love weh a man have fi money alone cause him fi start think how him spend pon di woman. Them ego get the better of them and them, feel the woman violate them and them feel inferior in some way. But we are all prone to get disrespect at some point in time. We have to just accept that as human beings.

Most men think they must always have the power to do whatever they think. You have some men, who fool-fool and girls use them thinking they can milk them dry. I don’t think that is a reason to kill somebody, but when the men get vex them do things that them regret.

Sometimes you have to blame our gender, us women, because you have some women who don’t like to work and them feel that a man must do everything for them. And I think that women, if they don’t want di man don’t lead him on because some of them so stupid them believe everything you say to them. And when them give the woman everything and them see it gone down the drain… So women should just avoid the men they don’t want.

Jennifer Copeland, 52-year-old dressmaker:

The men need to learn how to deal with dem emotions, like being too jealous. And they need to learn how to get help by finding someone to talk to. Find a friend or a counsellor who you can talk to. For example, I used to be jealous of my children’s father and I look into myself and realise that it was foolishness and I talk to God and put it away.

A woman should know what she want before going into a relationship, because men are dangerous when they become jealous and dem emotions mek them aggressive sometimes, even when the woman is not doing anything to provoke him; it is just a matter of him being jealous. And if a woman is in a situation like that then she should make the decision to leave or get counselling. Also, women have to love themselves first, because when you love yourself you will know the choice you have to make. If yuh nuh love yourself the man a guh keep abuse yuh.

To both men and women, if you are having trouble in the relationship, find somebody to talk to — find a pastor or a counsellor, even a close friend, and try to get some help to solve the problem.

Carlene Wallace, 40-year-old florist:

Women and men are jumping into relationships too soon without taking the time to know what they are getting themselves into. And later down the line they find out that the other person is abusive and they want to get out and can’t get out.

Nowadays we have to learn to sacrifice in a relationship because if an argument develops and both persons throwing fire, that fire is going to blaze more. So men and women in relationships must learn to sacrifice.

Men should learn how to control themselves, and they need help. I believe men in this society don’t get a lot of attention; women get more attention. But men need to be educated about relationships and how to deal with relationships, and how to walk away. They need to learn how to control their feelings and emotions. Parents growing their sons should educate them how to deal with their emotions. And I think they need to come up with some programmes to help men because all some know is how to be violent.

To the women, before you get into a relationship you have to test the men. For example, if you meet a man and he wants to go to bed too soon, hold him back, do things to push him to see how he will react because they will show the abusive nature in them. Women should know what they are getting themselves into. Look out for the signs and once you see signs, do not stay in that relationship.

Alain Melbourne, 26-year-old HEART Trust student:

Communication is key. Women’s way of expressing themselves is through talking or cussing, and for men they react physically. So men should try to express themselves through words instead of through violence.

Crystal, EXED Community College student nurse:

Overall, I think that if the ladies are not interested in the gentlemen they should not take their things, not that they have a right to be killing the ladies. And for the men, I think they need to seek counselling and stop keeping things inside and get the help they need.

Tony, 58-year-old vendor:

Di man dem need fi know that what a woman have is her own, because if a woman want cheat nutten can stop her. All if di man a spend, if she waan bad, him cyah stop dat.

Some a di man dem a coward; is better you mek she gwan. Mi have a babymother who have four youth fi mi, and mi go foreign and send dung how much money fi build house and all now mi nuh see wah come out a it. Mi could a kill her but mi just leave her. And to the woman them, from yuh don’t want di man, don’t tek him tings.

Omar Marsh, 40-year-old asphalt layer:

I am totally against violence against women, violence against di youths, and violence against anyone at all. So if a man and woman in a relationship and it go sour, is better dem just split — because remember, them never meet inna violence, dem meet inna peace. So men and women should just part in peace before it resort to violence, worse if yuh have children in the relationship. That is a vital part too, because me couldn’t mek my youth grow and come hear say him father kill him mother. That is not a good example for di youth them.

Adrian Kerr, 24-year-old final-year UTech student:

I think the men definitely need counselling based on what I see happening. If it’s a case where one partner help the other and it wasn’t beneficial to them, instead of taking a rash decision to take a person’s life, they should seek counselling.

And if the woman realise that it is getting to an extent where she believes that the gentleman is going to harm her, then she should remove herself from the situation as quick as possible and try to get the matter resolved by taking it to the police, and letting persons around her know that she no longer feels safe with that person.

Renece, UWI student:

If the female realises that her partner has violent tendencies she should remove herself from the situation. And in the case of the male, if he realises that he has anger problems he should seek help like go to therapy for anger management.

Tonique, UWI student:

I believe in talking about your problems. I feel like once it gets to a point where you feel like something is wrong, you need to talk to somebody about it — people who you can trust and confide in, and somebody who can help you; It is always good to seek professional help as well. Especially the females, talk to your friends, let them know you don’t feel safe, and also go to the police and report the problem.

For the men, they should seek counselling. If you realise that you are having thoughts of harming somebody or yourself, then you need to seek professional help.

Mr Reid, 50-year-old police constable:

To avoid killing a woman, a man should just separate from her if them cannot get along. Men find it harder to separate from a woman, depending on how much him give her, because a man will more invest in a woman than a woman will invest in a man. But at the end of the day, a woman can always separate from a man if she want. So if they cannot agree, they should just separate. The other thing is that people must report these things to the police.